Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant


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name: shanna
age: 28
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Wednesday, July 30, 2003

So Monday I got a new supervisor. I was not happy about this (see Jul 28 post), but I finally got it set in my mind that I was going to make the best of it. By completing things that have been sitting around for *years* (b/c he wouldn't do them) in a matter of weeks, I was being given a chance to shine. Not that I think anyone around here would notice anymore.

On Tuesday, I emailed our Human Resources person to start the paperwork for my raise. Three years ago I was put into a "training position" - which means I advanced every year for three years until completing the session. Doing this would give me the equivalent of a college degree in the i.t. field with the state - so I was eager to complete it. This August would've been the last increase, and my pay would've gone up by 7%. Imagine my shock (and dismay) when I was told the position was only allocated for two levels. I know I am qualified for the 3rd level, but there is a problem. They'll never approve it for me.

Why? Have I not put in three years of hard work, always had my work completed in a timely manner, *and* gone out of my way to help others and improve the efficiency of work done by all sections and our field inspectors? Yes - yes a thousand times over, which is how I've worked myself up to the position I am at now (I started here in 2000 as a simple data-entry clerk). Does not the other i.t. person here make 3x's (or more) what I make for doing, essentially, the same job? (I'm not exaggerating for effect here...he really does) What reason could they have for denying me, then? It's simple, you see. This agency is fucked up. It's run completely haphazard and unfairly - favoritism gets you to the top here. Not hard work.

I've been here long enough to see it happen many times to many different people. If you're on the shit list, you're screwed. There's no way around it. It never affected me because I was one of the "stars" - they loved me. So how did I end up on the shit list? First, I should clarify that it is *his* shit list. The big boss. I can't say more without possibly getting myself in a world of trouble - but if he doesn't like you, he doesn't like you and that's all there is to it. End of story. He used to love me - he saw that I was a hard worker and went over my job requirements to help the agency. What happened? As insane as this may sound - my fall from grace actually had nothing to do with anything that I did.

In July of 2002 I had knee surgery to correct a lifelong knee problem that had gotten so bad I could no longer function as a normal person. Years of wear and tear on an already bad knee had made my condition even worse, and the surgery ended up hurting more than helping. To make a long story short, everything froze up. I've been on crutches ever since and fighting to regain my mobility that doctors say could be gone forever. What in the world does this have to do with my job? Nothing - that's the point. It hasn't hindered my ability to do my job at all - I wouldn't let it. I don't let it hinder my life at all anymore. But to him, it was a weakness - a failure. He believes I "gave up". Yes, it's personal - yes it is completely wrong for him to deny me a deserved raise because of his personal thoughts about me. But that's how it is.

Of course, in the end, he could prove me wrong. But I doubt it. Co-workers I've talked to about it agree with me - "there's no way he'll approve it." He hasn't spoken to me in months - walking by my cubicle in silence after stopping to greet everyone else nearby. Well you know what? Fuck you, you pompous, old asshole. I've worked my ass off for him and this agency for too damn long - and if he can't see straight to compensate me for it, or at least try to help me advance to the status of my peer - I'm outta this fucking hellhole.

And it's not just this - you wouldn't believe the shit that goes on here. The favoritism - the people being hired and given extra benefits because of "who they know" or "what family" they come from. I'm ready to be out of it - away from it. I don't even care anymore; otherwise I wouldn't be posting this (for fear of getting fired).

Anyone hiring a cute, fiery and hard-working i.t. tech?? ;)


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 11:22 AM
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Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Another one for my fellow i.t. techies...

Ever notice how you're trying to work on someone's computer, and they stand over your shoulder like a hawk (who knows why - but isn't it hard to work like that?). Then, as soon as they walk off you need them there to ask a pertinent question, such as "What's your password?" Why is that?!


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:37 AM
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Monday, July 28, 2003

Oh and just for the record:

If I ruled the world, I.T. Techs could have smoke breaks whenever the fuck they wanted to right where ever they happen to be at the moment.

Because they fucking need them.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 11:52 AM
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Omfg - I'm so not in a good mood today. Everyone better just beware - I'm in the mood where I could just bite your head off for looking at me wrong.

It's Monday and that never helps. Anything bad that happens you can add 20% more-pissed-off-fuel to it simply because it's Monday. I have a new supervisor in the revolving-door-of-supervisors that has been my work life for the past year (this is #3 - they don't know what to do with me). Now my supervisor is the person I'm supposed to be working with - the other computer guy. Albeit he has gobs more experience than me and I was moved into this position to help him out (three years ago), I am done with my training positions and was hoping to start coming into my own as the "other" i.t. person for the company. (That's the way it was supposed to be - or, at least, what they told me).

You see, I perceive this as a step down for me in my career. I have no problems "helping out" the other computer guy; he's got a huge workload and I've always believed firmly in helping to lighten your co-worker's load when possible. That's what I've always tried to do in my position. But I do things that he doesn't do - such as build databases and spreadsheets for various sections in the agency. But now that they've made him my supervisor, he's going to put everything on me that he hasn't had time to do yet - and everything he doesn't feel like doing. Again, this sounds like I'm complaining - I don't MIND the extra work. In fact, I've been asking for some. It's just that a lot of this stuff is shit he hasn't done because he's disorganized and procrastinates.

Today is the first day with him as my supervisor - I stepped into his office and jokingly said, "Guess I should start calling you 'boss' now." He immediately started listing for me the things he was going to need me to do - some I had no problem with; others, such as finishing loading 5 computers that he's had sitting in his office, half done, for over four months now, got to me. Because he's "been too busy" to finish them - but he's so busy that while I'm standing there he's sending out joke emails from his personal email account. Hello. I'm going to be picking up his slack. That I have a problem with.

I've worked my ass off to get where I am - I have no formal education in computers, in fact no schooling at all besides my high school diploma. Yes, maybe I'm letting my ego get a little too big - it's just that, where I was once almost-but-not-quite an equal (and striving to be so), now I'm completely-under the other person. I don't mind working even harder to be an even better computer tech - I've got lots to learn. But I don't see myself ever being able to expand and better myself while under someone that is supposed to be my peer.

Fuck it - I don't even know what I'm trying to say. On one hand, I've no problems with the change. I'll have a lot more work and I'll be learning a lot more. On the other hand, it bothers me because I know he's going to take all the big stuff for himself and leave me doing nothing but twirling a screwdriver on broken laptops. In a sense, he's giving me everything he doesn't want to do anymore. Does anyone understand where I'm coming from here? Why does this feel like two steps back down the corporate ladder?


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 11:31 AM
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Welcome to hell...sorry, I mean Monday. There's only one good thing about Monday. It goes by quickly.

Do you find that you never truly wake up on Monday? You sort of go through the entire day half-awake and not really there? Maybe it's just me. I think I need some coffee - and I don't even drink coffee.



- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 6:21 AM
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Saturday, July 26, 2003

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
Life in Extremes

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
"Ordinary World" by Duran Duran, "Come Down" by Bush, "Over the Edge" by L.A. Guns, "Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin Park, "Make Me Bad" by KoRn and "Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
Well an anime would be cool as hell, but my life is too dramatic for a 'toon so it'd have to be live.

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
Angelina Jolie would play me
Christina Ricci would play Shannan
Matthew Lillard would play my ex, Spoon
Heather Graham would play my friend, Lauren
Sally Field would play my Mom
and Matt Damon would be The Worm


5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.
Fade to dirty Bourbon Street at 4 am - when it's nearly dead
Flash the my quote "This passion that drives me oft consumes me..."
Fade to scene of Spoon and I fighting, fade to high school with Lauren, fade to me driving my car and crying
Continue flashing through extreme life scenes (bad then good) as "Ordinary World" plays in the background
Flash words "Life is nothing....if not lived in extremes..."
Fade to black


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:33 PM
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Friday, July 25, 2003

No, no really.... we killed them!!

Please, let it go. You could take their dead bodies on a tour of Iraq in a freezer-cold Pope mobile, and they still won't believe they're really dead. We've had to see pictures of their dead and shot-up bodies and now crappy, melting (and rather creepy) facial reconstructions on their rotting corpses. Stop it - it's gross and no one cares anymore. They're dead - fine - you'd be more convincing if you stopped trying so hard to prove it.

And if I die, please don't let whoever is doing mortuary work for the U.S. Government work on me. Blech... I've seen bloated, rotting corpses that looked better than that.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 11:22 AM
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Not but two weeks ago I'd started posting in here about a huge event in my life. At a sudden phone call, I'd stopped but now would like to repost it and get some feedback (if you don't mind?).

***
16 Jul 2003

Waiting. It sucks ass. Right now I am waiting on something most people never have to wait on - something that will change my life forever. As of three weeks ago, I've been waiting on a paternity test. Not for me - I don't have kids (think about that, now); but to learn which of my two dads is really my dad. Pins and needles doesn't really describe it. I really am just trying not to think about it - but as the date the results are supposed to come back in (today or tomorrow) looms large, I find myself getting antsy.

Picture it - Baton Rouge, Louisiana, February 1977 - it's a lovely moonlit nite and two young and star-crossed lovers are consummating their passion for the last time. Little, love-child me was conceived that nite - in the back of a Chevy van parked on the levee along the Mississippi River. So what went wrong? How did this little seemingly delightful-sounding-hippie-conception take such a dark turn?

The doomed lovers in question were my mother and her high school sweetheart, who had tentatively parted ways. The third player in this little drama is what changes our little tale from a happy Sunday family movie to a twisted clandestine Lifetime drama; my Dad. And so our cast is complete Mom, K., Dad and, eventually, Me. Mom, at this time, had fallen head-over-heels for my Dad and they were dating. Naturally, the little reunion between his girl and her former guy did not make him happy, but he forgave her. A few months later when she came up pregnant, he married her without a thought and claimed the baby was "his - without a doubt".

Fast-forward 18 years. Me finds out from Mom about the affair and the possibility that Dad is...not. Me is shocked - naturally. Mom recalls a dream Me had at the age of 12 - that K. was following me around trying to tell me something. At the time, I thought it odd to be having a dream about a man I'd never met. Mom tells me she has always believed I was really K.'s - and that I look like him and act like him. This makes sense, as I'm very different from my more conservative siblings.

This it-could-be-and-most-probably-is went on, untouched, for over seven years. I always longed to know the truth, and to meet K. I saw him once, at my cousin's football game, and knew whom he was from across a football field! It was bizarre, but I can only explain it this way: the way he held himself (walked) was oddly familiar. I realized, it was the way I walk. This past April, due to a string of incidences, I came to meet K. We hit it off immediately - and both felt a definite bond with the other. It was July before we could afford to get the paternity test done to know for sure, but no one doubted it.

That is where I left you when I started this post; I am continuing it now. We did some mail-order paternity test from the Internet. In hindsight, maybe not the best idea, but it seemed to be very reputable; and it was about $300 cheaper. K. told me that - no matter what the results said - he still wants me in his life and I told him I felt the same. The anticipation was killing us, so Mom called the company and asked what the results were "so far". Imagine all of our shock when they said, "He's not the father." It just made no sense. My Mom had believed it with all of her heart - and mothers know. We all had. Even my friends who hadn't met K. were shocked. Everyone thinks we should do it again - legit and at a place here in Baton Rouge. We are going to do so.

It was funny because all three of us were so worried about how each other was going to take it. Surprisingly, we're all okay. As I told them that evening, "Friends are the family you choose." It all happened for a reason and we all came into each other's lives at this point and time because of that. Of course I'm disappointed, and yes, it hurts. For 18 years I believed one thing, then for 7 more I believed another. Now I don't know what to feel. It's not that I don't love my Dad completely, and I'm unhappy to be of his blood; not that at all. I suppose, unless it's something you've experienced, it really can't be explained. It's still, ultimately, been positive though. I have a great new friend and his family still wants to meet me, and accept me. The whole thing is still confusing - I do look like him and we do have a lot in common. But, I just felt like getting it all out...so thanks for taking the time to read it.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 9:10 AM
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Thursday, July 24, 2003

This pisses me off enough that I must post before hitting the bed, and I don't think anyone will disagree with me on this one (I dare you to try). I live near a college town - in fact, two steps away from the gates of the college. In moving here, I knew parking would be a big problem and I accept that. The road I live on actually becomes a parking lot and our small apartment complex with our exactly-the-number-of-parking-spaces-as-there-are-apartments is constantly full of cars. From Wednesday - Saturday nite is the worst; don't expect to have a place to park if you come home after 7 pm.

This has always been a source of great aggravation to me - especially since we can no longer get anyone towed. Down the road is a huge parking lot, but people are too damn lazy to park there and walk (god-fucking-forbid!). I have, since childhood, suffered from a bum knee. Coming home at night and having to park two streets away from my apartment was more than an inconvenience; it was a painful and unnecessary aggravation. I would get so infuriated thinking of all the dumb fuckers who could walk perfectly fucking well but were too damn lazy to enjoy the beautiful freedom of mobility.

A year ago I had surgery to correct my bum knee - but instead ended up worse than when I started. I've been crippled and on crutches for a year and almost a month. When I come home late, as I did tonite, and see all of these ignorant, lazy, taking-their-mobility-for-granted fuckheads crowding up our little parking lot, I want to bust all of their windshields. I want to park behind their car and block them in - leaving a note on the windshield that says "Knock on #__ and I'll move" and let them see a girl on crutches open the door. It probably wouldn't make a difference anyway; they'd be too stupid to see the poignancy of it.

There are eight spots and eight apartments. There are signs all over saying "DO NOT PARK". I've seen people read these signs and park anyway - and pretend to look confused when we tell them they can't park here. Whatever happened to "do unto others...". How would these same asswipes feel if someone parked in their driveway or personal parking space? They'd flip out - I promise you. The thing that gets me the most is that they don't care. Who cares if someone who lives here can't park? Who gives a rat's ass if they're a single female having to park far away from her apartment and walk back, alone, in the middle of the night? Why should I care that one of the tenants here is crippled and might not be able to park far away and walk home? As long as I don't have to use the lovely, working legs that Nature gave me and take a few more steps than really necessary is all that matters.. Fuck them. Fuck all of them and their piece of shit (and even, oft times, very expensive) fucking cars. I hope they leave them stranded somewhere.

I'll tell you this - when I'm walking again - I'll park as far away as I can from my destination. Don't take anything for granted - ever.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:43 PM
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I wasn't always this cynical. Wait - yes I was. Okay, I wasn't always this bitchy. When I'd get on a roll, sure, but it seems all of my writings lately have been nothing but big bitch fests and gripes about the world. But, shit, there's a lot to gripe about there. Still, just wanted my as-yet-non-existent-fans to know I'm not all crank and foul.

There are good things in the world: cats, sunsets, beaches, beer, pizza, music and car horns (I use mine profusely). And there's always sex. The world can't be all bad as long as there is sex in it. "..and these are a few of my favorite things.." (sing along with me now).

I had all kinds of things I was going to post on here - then I got called into my supervisor's meeting. Came back to my desk to start again and a co-worker stopped at my cube and we got to talking about energy, light and color diets and purple plates (I'm a huge Linda Goodman fan). Then four people came to tell me that our servers were down. Alas, it is now 5 mins 'til I walk out the door and I can't remember a damn thing I sat down here to post about!!


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 2:26 PM
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I'd meant to comment on this article a while back.

Fuck Pat Robertson.

Need I say more?

No, but why don't we talk about some of his more ignorant peers...

Rant

Frist Endorses Idea of Gay Marriage Ban

My first question here, among all the other obvious ones, is why in the fuck we’re wasting money and time on worrying about gay marriages when there are so many other important issues out there the government needs to be concerned with. Protecting us from terrorist attacks is high priority for government, whether a man and a man want to be legally united is not.

At least, it shouldn’t be. The problem with lawmakers getting their panties in a wad over gay marriage is that it’s completely personal. They’re not pushing a ban because they think it will help their country or even win them votes. They’re doing it because they’re ignorant, bible-beating assholes who think they have a right to interfere in people’s personal lives if they believe said personal life disagrees with their views on their god.

Sen. Bill Frist “said the Supreme Court's decision last week on gay sex threatens to make the American home a place where criminality is condoned.” I didn’t know the Supreme Court made any decisions about “gay sex”. They made a decision about “anal and oral sex”, but I didn’t hear anything about gay sex. Yes, the law is generally viewed as a law against acts that homosexuals commit – but if that were truly true, wouldn’t cunnilingus be listed, also? Are lesbians more legal than gay men? And besides, are we saying here that straight people don’t practice oral or anal sex? I didn’t think so.

Yet, the more blaring part of Sen. Frist’s ignorance is that the decision “threatens” to make the American home a place where criminality is condoned. I’m not sure where Frist is gathering his data, but no one’s going to run out in the streets and start having lewd, public acts of anal sex just because a ban has been lifted. The number of people getting it up the ass (straight and gay) is not going to rise just because the Supreme Court has now made it legal. You have people that say “if marijuana became legal, I would smoke it” – no one ever said “if anal sex becomes legal, I’m going to do it.” Because people have always done it – and they will continue to do so, quietly and in the privacy of their own homes. The Supreme Court’s decision was a banner for the gay community because the law was used against them (even though it was not supposed to specifically target them), and it opens the door for them to have the same rights as everyone else. That’s all.

Now, if Frist is saying (as I believe he is) that this big step for gays is going to start an unprecedented wave of violence in America – or corrupt the “family values” that people still stupidly cling to in this world of broken homes and murdering mothers – it only proves the ignorance I’ve applied to him throughout this essay.

"I have this fear that this zone of privacy that we all want protected in our own homes is gradually — or I'm concerned about the potential for it gradually being encroached upon, where criminal activity within the home would in some way be condoned," Frist told ABC's "This Week."

Who lets morons like this run our country? What the fuck is he talking about anyway? What criminal activity in the home? So, Mom and Dad can now legally suck, lick and stick it in nefarious places? That’s already going on, Sen. Frist. Are you married? My condolences to your wife.

In one of the largest in-depth studies of American attitudes, a national survey of 5,700 adults found that almost 30% of divorced adults cited physical abuse as the reason for their divorce. 89% of children witness abuse at home. (http://studentlife.tamu.edu/gies/SexViolence/relvstat.htm) In some states, 63% of the children in jail for murder are there for the killing of an abusive parent. (http://womensissues.about.com/library/bldomesticviolencestats4.htm). Something tells me that most violence in the home has little to do with whether Frank and Eric, the gay couple living next door, are packin’ the fudge every Tuesday night. Ridding America of the sodomy law isn’t going to “condone” violence in the homes. Sodomy has nothing to do with violence in homes. But there I go again stating the obvious.

Frist also said “absolutely” that he was all for banning gay marriages. Of course – if we let them fuck and it magically makes violence grow, can you imagine what would happen if we let them marry?! For chrissakes, it’d be the end of the world as we know it. Armageddon.

Their big bitch is that we’d be ruining “family values” (those still exist?); the traditional man-woman marriage is the only way to keep this country pure and good. I didn’t know we were. What’s this big deal about keeping marriage sacred anyway when, in 1997, the likelihood of new marriages ending in divorce was at 43%. And the number keeps growing. Marriage isn’t sacred anymore – more than half the time, it doesn’t even last. Why all this hype about keeping marriage for only the straight people? They’ve fucked it up all to hell. ‘World magazine culture critic Gene Edward Veith notes that the homosexual drive to gain marital benefits is destroying the institution of marriage itself as people abandon commitment and embrace the "gay" notion of serial monogamy with "sex partners."’ (from http://www.cultureandfamily.org/articledisplay.asp?id=2927&department=CFI&categoryid=papers#undermine).

First, the statement seems to assume that gay people can’t fall in love, that their reasons for wanting to get married are somehow “wrong” or “impure” as opposed to the reasons straight people get married. Can we reflect for a moment on some of the reasons straight people do get married; getting knocked up, money, a need to not be alone, ‘it’s just what you do’, etc, etc. Enough said. And as for “destroying the institution of marriage” - get over it people. The “institution of marriage” is dead – and has been for quite some time. No one’s going to be able to destroy something that’s already been abused, shattered and soiled – by the very people that are crying to protect its sanctity.

The above listed web page is yet another group of people hiding behind the gripe that letting gays be gay is corrupting America, when, in fact, it simply offends their sensitive religious ideals. This is from their site, too: “When marriage is undermined, entire communities suffer. Fagan notes that broken households increase the risk for children of:

health problems;
retarded cognitive, especially verbal, development;
low educational attainment;
behavior problems;
low impulse control;
warped social development;
physical and sexual abuse;
crime in the local community.

The breakdown in marriage even leads to shorter lives. A study in the American Journal of Sociology found that "for both sexes, the hazard of dying falls significantly with marital duration, suggesting a cumulation of the benefits of marriage over time."“
Now, while every statistic listed above is undoubtedly true (or half-way believable, at best), those statistics have nothing to do with gay marriages. They are statistics written about marriage as it stands today – in heterosexual households. Letting gay people get married does not undermine marriage – they sure as hell can’t fuck up the tradition as badly as we have. Having a gay couple in the neighborhood, isn’t going to make yourhousehold or your marriage suffer. Try minding your own damn business – it works wonders.

As a conclusion, the “concerned women” (i.e. uptight, unsatisfied housewives with way too much time on their hands), state, “The stakes are very high: Absent a marriage-based culture, can America continue to function as a self-governing republic? History indicates that the chances are slim.”

First of all, we’re not self-governing. If you believe that your freedom is really free, you need to wake up. If we were really free, people in government wouldn’t have the right to tell you who you can and cannot love, have sex with, and be joined with. Besides, we aren’t even a marriage-based culture anymore, we’re a divorce-based culture, and adultery-based culture, an abuse-based culture – we’re attacking the simple fact that gay people want to have sex and be married by saying that it will increase the violence in our homes and communities, that it will ruin our morals and corrupt our children when in fact, the main problem with violence and immorality in our lives is because we refuse to take responsibility for our own actions. Stop worrying what all the gay people are doing, and pay attention to your own life – your own failing marriage and your own bad kids. Stopping violence and re-establishing family values is as simple as putting as much work into your home life as you do trying to ban others from having one. Live and let live – and mind your own fucking business.

And on a side side note,
Bush says "I don't know if it's necessary yet" in regards to banning gay marriages, however he states, "What I do support is a notion that marriage is between a man and a woman." Well, I support is marriage between two people that love each other and a fucking government that keeps their damn religious opinions to themselves.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 10:01 AM
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I spent the early morning hours playing with this kickass space sim (thank you thank you super fast computer). Then I realized the time - and had to get ready for work. Isn't that the most depressing part of the day? Without a doubt.

Driving into work in the mornings is always a clusterfuck of strange sights and annoying occurrences. Today was no different.

The first asshat to get my requisite eye roll was the person I came up behind with the license plate that read ALL DATT. You know, in my not-so-humble opinion, if you've got to advertise that you are from your license plate, you're probably not. However, that annoyance did at least bring me to this interesting site that lets you design your own personalized license plate graphics. Cool - that'll take up at least 10 minutes of the work day.

I later got behind Old-Man-Who-Couldn't-Fucking-Drive. OMWCFD would suddenly jerk his car to the left or right then jerk it back to the center of his lane periodically. It might've been amusing to watch had I not been behind him and had he not been going 30-fucking-mph. Now I ask you, how do you lose control of your car at that speed?

Despite the if-I-say-it-it'll-be-true vanity plate and OMWCFD puttering all over the road in his brand new Corolla, I did make it to work (oh joy of joys). And here I sit - pondering over my lost purse.

How does a crippled little half-elf like myself lose something that is always either in her backpack or on her own back? It's a baffling question I wish I could answer myself. I carry around a (very heavy) backpack because I'm on crutches and can't hold things. My purse (which is also a small type of backpack-purse) usually sits inside of my big (very heavy) backpack. Now, I'm broke as a toothless, homeless bag lady this week, so I haven't gone anywhere to lose the damn thing - which is the other stumper. Yet, it is missing all the same. I'm not freaking (yet), but I must say - I am the epitome of the absent-minded professor. Two days ago was two-too-long; my memory stops short of a few hours ago. I'm constantly forgetting, misplacing, and missing any and every thing. But I have never lost my purse. Ever. Of all the places I've been and all the crazy shit I used to do, I never lost my handbag. Now I do absolutely nothing but go to work and come home and it's gone. One of life's little mysteries, I suppose.

Enough griping for now - I'm off to read other bloggers, work on my website, and any other asinine thing I can find to do to make this day go by quicker...


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:17 AM
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Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Rant

A Big 'Fuck Off' to Internet Pervs

Let’s have a talk about the Internet. More to the point, instant messaging, and even more specifically about fucking, pathetic wastes of human flesh who have no goddamn life. Oh yeah, I’m about to go off.

What kind of a fucking loser must you be that you have to get online and beg women to send you photos of their tits or meet you for sex?? If you’re female, I know you can relate. All it takes is an instant messaging program and the indication that you’re “online now”. The barrage of dumb, ignorant and downright fucking rude messages you’re going to receive is amazing.

Just a few examples, from my nightly online run-ins with these asshats:

Aggravating scenario #1
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: hi
me: hi
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: how r u tonite?
me: ok
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: you look like you have great boobs
me: ok
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: can I see them?
me: what?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: please send me a picture of your boobs
me: um, no
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: oh, please – maybe later?

Aggravating scenario #2
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: what r u doing?
me: nothing
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: you like sex?
me: doesn’t everyone?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: wanna meet me for sex?
me: no I don’t
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: why not? it’s exciting
me: No, it’s stupid. You could be a homicidal maniac.
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: I’m not
me: Like you’d tell me if you were
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: I would

Aggravating scenario #3
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: U ARE HOT…WHATS UP?
me: nothing
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: YOU LIVE IN BR TOO?
me: yep
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: SO WHAT YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT TO-NITE?
me: I don’t know – you IM’ed me – what do you want to talk about?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: YOU LIKE SEX?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: HELLO??? YOU STILL THERE???
me: on the phone, hang on a minute
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: SO YOU LIKE SEX?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: U’RE SO HOT
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: HELLO?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: ARE YOU THERE???! FINE!
me: I said I’m on the phone, hold on a minute, jeez
me: dumbass
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: FUCK YOU BITCH I’LL BEAT YOUR FUCKING ASS
Ignore

Aggravating Scenario #4
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: you are sooo fine. what would a guy like me have to do to get to meet you for some fun?
me: nothing – not gonna happen
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: it could be fun
me: I doubt it
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: what can I do? I’ll do anything – you won’t regret it
me: Not my bag – sorry
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: would you like to make some extra money?
me: excuse me?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: I’ll pay you to let me eat your pussy
me: Is it a normal activity for you to get online and ask women to whore themselves out to you?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: No – I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that


Why do you even talk to them, Shanna? - I know that’s what you’re wondering. Because, honestly, I don’t mind talking to people online. That’s why I have an instant messaging program up. I’ve met some really cool people this way, and have even become good friends with a few. But it’s the dumb, horny loser fuckwads that ruin it for everyone. You have your immature, couldn’t-spell-their-way-out-of-a-paper-bag-with-both-ends-cut-out, horndogs who just beg you for sex or nude pics. You have the sorry, loser asshats who are looking for love – in all the wrong places.

And I’d like to add some other things that really piss me off in the world of Ims:

* Anyone that IM’s me with “a/s/l?” automatically gets ignored. Would you walk up to someone in person and do that shit to introduce yourself? Say hi, ask a question, start a fucking conversation, jeez. Anything but a/s/l?!

* BUZZ Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever, ever fucking buzz me. I hate that shit and I will hate you if you do it to me. If I’m there, I’ll say something – if I’m not, I won’t. It’s that simple.

* Do not fucking ask me simple questions that are on my profile. Have you read my profile? No – then why are you bugging me? I’m not going to answer any questions that are already spelled out for you on my profile, so if you haven’t read it, don’t ask.

* If I say I don’t want to meet you, do not try to come up with ways that might change my mind. I will not change my mind and the more you try to make me the less likely I will ever do so.

* Don’t ask me if I have “any more photos”. There is a website listed on my profile – go to it; more likely than not I have a photo page on there.

* Do not slyly try to sneak a sex/cyber encounter by me. I’m not as fucking dumb as you are. Don’t start an innocent sounding conversation and sneak in sexual questions or scenarios. That’s so fucking lame. I love sex and I have no problems talking about it with people online; unless you’re a fucktard that assumes it means I want you. Don’t try and be sneaky – I will ignore you.

* Stop assuming because I’m female and have a website that I am looking for a boyfriend, fuck buddy or sex slave. I’m not and if I were, I wouldn’t be doing so online. I have a fucking life – you should get one, too.

More later as further jerks continue to piss me off…


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 9:47 AM
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It's almost lunch!! Though I can't complain - the day has been speeding by; due, I'm sure, to the fact that I've spent most of it re-designing the layout of this blogger (you like?). Well, fuck ya if you don't; really doesn't matter to me.

I also spent some time away from designing (because I had a damn headache) and browsing other Bloggers....which is like wading through an over-stuffed junk drawer. Lots of useless crap and broken thingamajigs to dig through before you can find an actual gem.

That's just how I happened on Rose just last nite. I'd hit up her Blogger a few days earlier and was quite impressed; we shared a lot of similar views and she had a way of just writing about her everyday life that was absorbing. When I saw she was online, I sent her an IM - surprising her that I wasn't another Internet horndog looking for sex or pictures of "boobs".

Which brings me to the point of this seemingly pointless drivel...the influx of idiots I've had to deal with online since restoring my instant messaging programs has been, well, overwhelming - which reminded me why I got rid of them in the first place years ago. I got so agitated, that I wrote a rant about it; which I posted on my website (shameless self-plug there). I realized that, on my website, my rants hardly never get read. Most of the people that go there just get in long enough to see that I have tits in my photo gallery before IMing me wanting to see photos of them. And I'm proud of my opinionated, bitchy little rants - they were the main reason I created the site in the first place - sooooo - I decided I'd start publishing them here. They might have a better chance of getting read on a Blogger than sitting on my way-too-much-crap-on-it-the-first-place website (I can't stop!). And, not that you care but just for reference anyway, I'll distinguish between a regular post and a rant by putting the title of Rant at the top of those particular posts. Just so you know.

With that, I bid you farewell....at least for a few hours.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 9:39 AM
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