Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant


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name: shanna
age: 28
sign: scorpio
live: louisiana
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The current mood of shanna at www.imood.com

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Pin-up girl by Rion Vernon; used with permission. Header design by the totally awesome Rose. The rest by moi.


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Wednesday, September 17, 2003

I don't like Wednesdays; only because I have therapy on Wednesdays. No, no, not head therapy, physical therapy for my leg. We had a really good session last week - this huge POP/CRACK when a major adhesion broke. My goal is to be walking by Christmas, and right now I've been trying to walk on just one crutch. It's not easy when your leg hasn't supported any weight in over a year (it's gotten much smaller than the other leg). It's hard to put weight on it, also, because it's stuck in a bent position. Very hard to walk when you can't straighten the damn thing. But I'm determined - every day a little more - and I know I will get through this. I cannot accept defeat or failure - to do so would mean I'd be crippled for the rest of my life. And I can honestly say, having been so for over a year, it's no walk in the park. I always respected those who were handicapped in any way - whether they could not see, could not walk, could not use their arm. I have an even deeper empathy and respect for these people now. Every single thing they do every single day - small things we take for granted like curling into a ball and sleeping at night, walking outside to get the mail, being able to sweep the floor, just getting around the office where you work - are huge challenges. Nothing is simple when you're incapacitated. These are beautiful, remarkable people just for getting up and facing each day anew - a day that will always present a new challenge in the form of something they once did without thinking.

When I can walk again, I will never gripe about having to park too far away - in fact I'll park far away on purpose, just so I can walk. I'll never hate doing housework again - I'll be so glad I'm just able to do it. A week won't go by that I don't make sure I go for a walk in a park and enjoy the world around me. Every single night that I go to sleep and am able to curl back into my favorite sideways-fetal position, I will thank the gods. Oh, how I miss sleeping comfortably. Going through something like this teaches you that you must never take anything for granted - anything ever. I feel so very lucky - quite blessed even - to have been faced with such a challenge in this lifetime. Because of it I will be stronger and have an even greater compassion and empathy for my fellow man. I will cherish the simple things in life - playing hide and seek with my godchildren, taking a walk, working in my garden, being able to sit cross-legged again. Things I cannot do now - things I have to fight and struggle to be able to do again. Because of that I will have a deeper appreciation for the simple things - for the things that we all take for granted. You begin to realize that everything is a blessing, and no matter how bad you think your life may be, you are blessed by many, wonderful things. The ability to see, to hear, to speak, to touch, to feel, to move, to smell, to walk, to think. You may not count these among the things you are happy for - or as reasons that your life is fine. But you need only to think about losing one of them and you will realize that life has been good to you.

So today, think of all of your blessings, and thank your personal god or gods for them. Run and play in a park today - smell the flowers - see the green grass and smiles on people's faces - listen to the sounds around you - talk to someone you've never met - and think about how good your life is and how blessed you are. You see, it's the simple things that matter and when you change your perspective, the big things don't seem so bad anymore. :)


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 6:28 AM
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