Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant


name: shanna
age: 28
sign: scorpio
live: louisiana
The current mood of shanna at

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Thursday, October 09, 2003

I'm not in a good mood today. Regardless that I woke up from dreaming that I was Alyssa Milano in Charmed and had all these really cool and cute outfits, I did not wake up on the happy side of the bed.

I think the stress is just overwhelming me right now. I'm so worried about Gilly, and feel so helpless. It's very painful going to visit her in the hospital every day and not be able to bring her home with us. She seems to be feeling better, but she's still swollen with fluid in her abdomen and still isn't eating. Therapy on my leg yesterday was pure hell. It was so painful I actually screamed. Now I always moan and cry out, but I have never even come close to screaming - today I'm sore and bruised; and it always seems to bruise the spirit, too, because mine is low. I'm ready to be off the crutches, but the road there is so damn painful and hard! And now my ortho doc won't prescribe me anymore pain pills. I intend to call him up today and give him a piece of my mind.

Baret's way of coping with the hurt over Gilly, and the stress over the cost of her treatment, is to withdraw and be sullen. He's agitated and snappy because he doesn't deal with his emotions well. I am emotion - and want us to comfort each other. Instead, we're just repelling one another because of his cold shoulder. It makes me feel so alone.

Though this weekend should be a fun getaway - we're going with a group of friends to a state park. We all went in together on a cabin for two nights and plan to spend a weekend of secluded debauchery (as only my friends can). We'll be partyin' like rock stars - in the woods. I'm looking forward to it, but am upset that I won't be able to visit Gilly on Saturday. Who needs kids when you have pets?!

So today I'm very sullen, my stomach hurts, my head aches and I feel like crawling into bed and crying my eyes out. All in all, not a great way to start out the day. I'm trying to cheer myself with positive affirmations, and good thoughts - perhaps some good music. Just got to put all this mess into perspective. I'll probably go and read something that inspires me, like Peter McWilliams or maybe I'll work on a story. I feel like designing a website - maybe I'll redo this entire blog. I'm happiest when I'm creating and designing.

Maybe I'll be able to post later on today with happier thoughts.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 6:38 AM

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