Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant


name: shanna
age: 28
sign: scorpio
live: louisiana
The current mood of shanna at

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Tuesday, October 28, 2003

What are the chances of getting behind the same dumb bitch who likes to drive 10 mph under the speed limit on my new morning commute two days in a row? Obviously fairly high. Perhaps you don't like to get to work on time, but I do.

I'm such a bitch. Just slap me now. Why do I have to be such a mental case sometimes? I know, it's just the stress of moving and so many abrupt changes in my life suddenly. But damn.

I came home yesterday and Baret had all the lights in the house on and the TV blaring the news as he did his daily paperwork. Relaxing when I come home is very important to me; generally the drive home gets me in a state of nervous anxiety and I really need to just sit and relax. I couldn't. I hate overhead lighting used exclusively. And being the mental patient that I am, the lighting in a room directly affects my mental state. I couldn't relax in all the glaring lights and with the loud TV. I like candles and I always use lamps - I know it's stupid, but that's how I am. And as T-bone so poignantly pointed out in his yesterday post, a house is not a home. This place isn't home to me yet. My old place was, and I had no trouble relaxing. But I walk into this place, and Baret's doing his end-of-the-day-routine and it just hit home even harder than I no longer have "my life" but "our life". So I went into the bedroom, shut the door, turned on the lamp and lay in bed. I then cried because I missed my old, funky apartment.

Baret came in later, and seeing me all upset, said he'd go and turn off the lights, light some lamps and candles and make it all cozy. Cozy - cozy is good. I don't envy him having to put up with my emotional self; he really doesn't understand, but he tries sometimes to make it better. He then came back and announced that he was taking me out for sushi. We haven't done that in over a year, and we forgot how much you get when you order - so we ended up with ten times more sushi than we could eat. I called all my friends to come and help finish it off, but no one was home.

We came home, planning to light a fire and drink a bottle of wine he'd bought a few days earlier. But nothing is working out right lately. He couldn't get the fire started for a good while, I fell asleep (the clock may say 9pm, but my body still knows it's 10pm and that's my bedtime), and the wine was bad when we opened it (mildew all over the cork). Less than 10 minutes of sitting in front of the fire, we'd both passed out. So much for that first-fire-in-the-new-place, bottle-of-good-wine, really-good-first-time-sex-in-the-new-place that was all supposed to happen.

Ah, but such is life. I'm sure when the chaos of moving finally calms, when we start to get more settled, everything will be okay. It's caused quite a rift between us - and that's a scary feeling when you've just signed a year lease with someone in a place neither of you could afford alone. It's just me being my usual psychotic, sex-fiend Scorpion self causing all this; I know it.

Oh, and today is Paul's birthday. Go over and wish him a happy one. I know he likes to get mentioned, so that's my present to him. Paul and I see eye to eye on quite a few things, and this fellow Scorp has one of my favorite blogs. Check him out.

To the rest, have a great day.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 6:34 AM

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