Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant


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name: shanna
age: 28
sign: scorpio
live: louisiana
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The current mood of shanna at www.imood.com

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Saturday, January 31, 2004

Finally, a news article that I really can rag on. Boys Are Stupid Clothes Line Has Some People's Panties in a Wad (my own title).

In case you're not in the mood to read the entire article, I can sum it up for you nicely. T-shirt company david & goliath made radio personality, Glenn Sacks cry.

Mr. Sacks, who is a proud spokesperson for "men's rights" (first time I've heard of it, too), claims the chief designer, Todd Goldman, of a particular line of the company's t-shirts (that would be the "Boys Are Stupid" line) has gone over the line. Mr. Goldman's "quirky" sense of humor plays on the young teen girl mindset that boys are icky & have cooties (the mindset right before they decide they want to have sex with the same previously-and-once-icky-boys). Mr. Sacks, who says he doesn't want to seem like a "humorless zealot" says he "doesn't get the joke".

We should start this off by saying that Glenn Sacks is not a humorless zealot, he's just a wuss. I think the shirts, with slogans such as "Boys Lie - Poke 'Em in the Eye", "Boys Are Smelly - Throw Garbage Cans At Them", and "Boys Have Cooties", are rather cute, and I can easily see how young teen girls would think the same and like to wear them. Apparently, however, Mr. Sacks is convinced the evil t-shirts are "wrong" and has even swayed enough opinion over his way to have several chain stores take down the clothes!

We're at war, people are dying and starving all over the world, and Russell Crowe was injured on a movie set in Australia, and Glenn Sacks has taken up this as his personal crusade? There are a million wrongs and injustices in the world, yet Glenn Sacks cannot abide by young girls wearing t-shirts that say "Boys Are Stupid".

Obviously Mr. Sacks doesn't have a daughter, otherwise he'd be joyous that she thought boys were stupid. He'd be buying her as many t-shirts as she wanted. "That's right, honey, boys do have cooties. Never touch one."

These shirts are harmless. There's no way they are going to turn any hormone-tweaked teenage girl into a boy hater once the early stages of prepubescent lust have entered her system. Trust me. And it's not like the shirts say "Boys Are Stupid - Stab Them To Death with a Blunt Butter Knife" or "Boys Have Cooties - Stick Their Fingers in Meat Grinders". I once owned a shirt that said, "If We Mate, I Have to Kill You" with a little spider on it. It didn't mean that I hated boys, or that I literally ate my male partners have a good romp in the sack. It was a joke; a tongue-in-cheek slogan like the ones that appear on thousands of shirts around the world. Mr. Sacks probably would've pissed his pants had he seen that one. No, more likely, he just wouldn't have gotten it.

One has to wonder if Glenn Sacks was beat up by girls in high school. Anyone else think so?

As for me, I ordered "Boys Lie - Poke 'Em in the Eye" and plan to order "Boys Have Cooties" for my seven-year old god daughter's birthday.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 6:11 AM
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Friday, January 30, 2004

I don't have much to say, as yesterday I worked 13.5 hours (no, I didn't get paid for it - comp time) and making myself get up and go in again today is like pulling teeth. I just wanted to wish everyone a good weekend.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 5:17 AM
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Wednesday, January 28, 2004

This is one of the dumbest fucking emails I've ever gotten. Perhaps what makes it even more aggravating was what the person wrote that sent it out:

"The reason I am forwarding this e-mail is that it contains some "basics" I feel everyone should be aware of."

When you read the email, you might understand why this makes me so ticked.

The (stupid) email:

Allah or Jesus?
By Rick Mathes

Last month I attended my annual training session that's required for maintaining my state prison security clearance. During the training session there was a presentation by three speakers representing the Roman Catholic, Protestant and Muslim faiths who explained their belief systems.

I was particularly interested in what the Islamic Imam had to say.

The Imam gave a great presentation of the basics of Islam, complete with a video. After the presentations, time was provided for questions and answers.

When it was my turn, I directed my question to the Imam and asked: "Please, correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand that most Imams and clerics of Islam have declared a jihad [Holy war] against the infidels of
the world. And, that by killing an infidel, which is a command to all Muslims, they are assured of a place in heaven. If that's the case, can you give me the definition of an infidel?"

There was no disagreement with my statements and without hesitation he replied, "Non-believers!"

I responded, "So, let me make sure I have this straight. All followers of Allah have been commanded to kill everyone who is not of your faith so they can go to Heaven. Is that correct?"

The expression on his face changed from one of authority and command to that of a little boy who had just gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He sheepishly replied, "Yes."

I then stated, "Well, sir, I have a real problem trying to imagine Pope John Paul commanding all Catholics to kill those of your faith or Pat Robertson or Dr. Stanley ordering Protestants to do the same in order to go to Heaven!"

The Imam was speechless.

I continued, "I also have problem with being your friend when you and your brother clerics are telling your followers to kill me. Let me ask you a question. Would you rather have your Allah who tells you to kill me in order to go to Heaven or my Jesus who tells me to love you because I am going to Heaven and wants you to be with me?"

You could have heard a pin drop as the Imam hung his head in shame.

Chuck Colson once told me something that has sustained me these 20 years of prison ministry.

He said to me, "Rick, remember that the truth will prevail."

And it will!


The truth will certainly prevail, Rick. And the truth is, I doubt seriously that you stood up at some religious convention and with your pearls of wisdom and bright-burning truth made someone suddenly hang their head in shame of a religion that they have not only been practicing all of their life, but that is also a religious leader of such religion. I'm surprised you didn't write into the story that you got a standing ovation.

And what kind of crap is this anyway - Jesus vs. Allah? I didn't know there was such a competition. What is this? Jesus 2, Allah 0?

And before we get all haughty over "killing non-believers",mister, realize that you're treading pretty damn close to hypocrisy here. It wasn't that long ago that Christians burned supposed witches at the stake, and put to death thousands that chose to worship other than their own belief system.

This email just pissed me off! What kind of an idiot do you think I am that 1.) I actually would believe such bilge truly took place and 2.) there is anything valuable or important or even basic that I must learn from this crap! All I see is another big-headed Jesus freak that is actually making a mockery of Christ and being the shining epitome of the hypocritical Christian. No, not all Christians are this way, and I hope that my Christian friends realize that I know this. But it is ones like these that threaten to burn down New Age bookshops, that propagate hate and judgement against others, and create websites with URL's like godhatesfags.com. And that, my friends, gets me mighty pissed off.

On a non-religious note, I have another i.t. pet peeve. I think I need to make a list of these "The Top Ten Things That Piss I.T. Tech's Off". Today I would like to add to the list the people that call me, or come to me, and say, simply, "My computer is broken." Stop - end of sentence. No explaining what the problem is, no telling me even what part of the computer is malfunctioning. It's as if they think I am some sort of pyschic pc-guru who can magically read their minds. I always have to prompt them with, "Okay. What's it doing?" Shouldn't this be the first thing they tell me anyway? Do you bring your car to the mechanic and say, "It's broken" and leave it there? Or do you give him some sort of explanation, "It's making this weird clicking noise everytime I change gears". Do you go to the doctor and say, "I'm broken"? Or do you give him a list of your symptoms so he can make a good diagnosis? Same thing with computers, people. I cannot touch the machine in front of me and suddenly know what ails it.

And I would just like to say that I feel oh-so sorry for all of those living up north right now. You couldn't pay me a million dollars to exist in such a climate. Not that it's exactly a picnic living in a state where it can go from 30 degrees to 70 degrees in one day (no, I'm not making that up), but there's no way I could live in a place where it's cold - freezing-ass, mind-numbing, teeth-chattering, even-my-damn-asshole-is-cold cold! Uh-uh, no thank you. So, to all those that do, you have my condolences (and warmest wishes).

Until later...



- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:26 AM
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Monday, January 26, 2004

Since this is the first Monday I've actually been at work in two weeks (having had off for the Governor's Inauguration & MLK Day, respectively), it sucks even more than normal.

It was a fun weekend, though. I was bored off my rump early Saturday morning - Baret was gone 2 hours away to his new godson's baptism, and I'd rather eat live cockroaches than drive that far to sit in church for a an hour then drive two whole hours back. Besides, my skin might melt off or something, and I really find I look better with skin. Nothing on the PC interested me - didn't feel like playing Everquest, The Sims, Sim City 3000 or even Neverwinter Nights (my main games). Didn't feel like designing graphics or web pages - wasn't even interested in getting caught up on my writing. So I called my best friend, Brand. He always comes up with something fun to do on the spur of the moment. It was 10am, and he was just waking up. He thought for a moment and said, "Let's go to Biloxi and see Qweeda." Biloxi? -shrug- Why not?

An hour later found us on the road, and I realized this was the first "spontaneous road trip" I'd been on in awhile. I missed this! I probably hadn't done so since I'd share an apartment with Brand & Qweeda when I first moved back to Baton Rouge in 2000. We drove the quick two hours there and went and picked our friend up, then had a yummy lunch at Ruby Tuesday's on "the strip". Even though it was a tad chilly, we opted to sit on the deck that's right on the beach. We then opted on a movie, and the only one playing at a relatively soon time was "Along Came Polly", which I could've skipped. Then we drove home, making it in around 10pm. I was exhausted, but I'd had fun. It was like the Lakeshore Place Reunion - probably the first time since we all moved out that the three of us have been together like that again.

Sunday was pre-requisite Everquest day. Baret and I hadn't had a day together since his return from the three-day business trip, so it was our day to our favorite thing - play Everquest from sun up 'til sun down. We grouped up with my younger brother and made beaucoup money. It was a lot of fun.

So Monday finds me back at my desk, pounding away at the keys and musing over a few things that really piss me off. One of the items listed below happened this morning, and it got me to thinking about other things that really, really tick me off - and "the list" was borne.

I'm a pretty easy-going person, for the most part. It takes a lot to really rile me, and even when it does, I'm not one to go off on random people. But here are a few things (most that have happened to me within the past week) that really make me want to scratch someone's eyeballs out:

It really pisses me off when...
1. ...people come into my office, then leave and don't re-shut the door. I keep my door closed b/c I like to blare my music and not bother others. To me, if you walk into someone's office and have to open the door to do so, it is only common courtesy to shut said door upon leaving. However, maybe that's just me. When people do this, I find myself wishing for their death.

2. ...someone gives me their computer to fix and does not leave me with any of their damn passwords! This is a huge pet peeve. If I'm going to be doing work on your computer, and you (as always) are going to be completely un-reachable, please, please, for the love of Judas, let me know any pertinent passwords so that I can actually do my job!

3. ...you stand in my doorway, discussing work, and are oggling the student worker's ass as she walks past and down the hallway (repeatedly as she walks further away!). That is so gross. Please, don't fucking do that. Do you think I don't notice - you're directly talking to and facing me! You are old and gross and you're creeping me out. Stop it.

And finally,
4. ...people ask me one of the following questions:
a. What happened to your leg?
b. When are you getting off the crutches?
c. What happened to your arms?
The answers are:
a. None of your damn business.
b. As soon as everyone quits asking me that fucking assinine question.
and
c. None of your damn business.

Of course, there are many other pet peeves, talking on the cell phone and driving, kicking the back of my seat during a movie, a day without sex...but those are the ones that stood out to me as I wrote the list.

Anyway, hope everyone is having a fabulous Monday - it's one day closer to Friday, remember!


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 9:55 AM
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Sunday, January 25, 2004

A word to the wise...

If you have an inkling to go to the movies and, for whatever reason, decide on "Along Came Polly"...don't. For the love of god, see anything BUT "Along Came Polly". It's quite possibly the first time in years that I actually wanted to walk out of a movie.

Summing it up in a few words, I would have to say "tried too hard" would fit appropriately, and "SUCKED BIG MOTHER F'ING DONKEY ASS" might be putting it lightly. But, that's me.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 5:06 PM
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Thursday, January 22, 2004

A few things of note, on the commute home.

I was behind this huge, maroon Lincoln Town Car. Whilst waiting at a red light, I tried to decipher their license plate, which read "CHOKOLIT". My post-work brain churns at a slower pace than at peak hours, so it took me awhile to realize it said "Chocolate" and not "Choke On It". Looking up for the first time to see its occupants, I expected to see a black person who was proud of their ethnicity and claimin' it. I wasn't prepared to see an old white-haired couple wearing spectacles.

However, nothing could have amused me more than the young fellow mowing the lawn of a small eatery next to the highway. Might I add, at quitting time, this is a busy (in other words, LOUD) highway. Add this to the fact that he was on a (LOUD) ride-mower and one has to wonder how he was able to hear any of the conversation coming from the cell phone glued to his ear. I know people do just about everything while yakking on the phone these days, but mowing the grass? Trust me, dude, you're going to have to call back anyway, because unless you have the hearing abilities of a canine, you missed the majority of that conversation. I'd put money on it. Put the cell phone down.

So how is everyone planning to spend the Chinese New Year? For us on this side of the planet, the New Moon (and therefore, the CNY) was actually yesterday. But my friends and I celebrate it every year at the same time our Oriental brothers & sisters do. We'll be drinking it up at our favorite Chinese buffet restaurant, The Great Wall in honor of 2004 - The Year of the Monkey. Did anyone else notice the cute little monkeys adorning the "Google" search page?

So I'm off to take a nap before the evening's festivities - it's going to be a late night. My sweety returns late this evening from a three-day jaunt out of town on business, so I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be up all nite havin' some good, old-fashioned, baby-I-missed-you sex. (Keep your fingers crossed for me!)



- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 3:08 PM
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Wednesday, January 21, 2004

I was late this morning because I ordered an (apparently) gourment sausage biscuit from McDonald's. I was already aggravated. There were the people who wouldn't inch their cars up just a bit more, allowing me to actually speak into the speaker - although I could hear it calling out to me perfectly clear, "Good morning, what can I get you?" Don't you hate that? There were the people that either don't know what they want or are apparently ordering breakfast for their entire office. I mean, it's breakfast; the menu isn't that large. Why is it taking you 4 minutes to place your order? Finally, I get my turn; simple and straight-forward, #5 with a bottled water - drive on up.

As I come to the second window, the guy hands me my water and then stands there for a few seconds looking around. Finally he says, "Ma'am, you'll have to pull up to Block #1 while we prepare your sausage biscuit. We'll bring it out to you." And I'm thinking, okay, fine, they just don't have any made. But, really, how long does it take to nuke the chunk of pseudo-meat they throw on these things? After over five minutes of sitting and waiting, I am now late for work, and a less than a pleased customer. Come on, people. It's a sausage biscuit - it's two pieces of bread and a little hunk of meat. What is there to "prepare"? It's not like I ordered a well-done Porterhouse Steak.

Thankfully my boss was understanding that McDonald's employees are obviously not capable of preparing a sausage biscuit in a timely manner.

In other news, I had the rare pleasure of meeting a friend & fellow blogger, Ravyn ; who is also the proud hubby of my dear friend, Rose. I never guessed I'd have the chance to meet someone from the blog-world, but I'm grateful for the opportunity that blogging has created and for introducing me to some really great people. On his way through my humble, home state, I was able to offer my dwelling and a warm, home-cooked meal (yes, you know it was spaghetti - one day I plan to learn to cook other things as well!). I hope he enjoyed his short stay, and I have to say I truly enjoyed meeting him. This is one cool guy, folks. (Rose, you've got a keeper!)

And I to share the coolest of dreams that I had a few nites ago. I lived in a time long ago, medieval Europe, perhaps. I was down by this lake that sat in front of these old castle ruins and I saved a woman from drowning. Her name was Atalanta (it's so strange for me to remember names in dreams) and she was a Druid Priestess. I knew, from what she began to teach me, that it was my destiny to follow this path and to do something great with it. The problem was that I was a young widow with a small son that had been married to an older, influential man. We were Catholics, and the Church was everywhere. Somehow, they began to be suspicious of me and my activities - and my questioning of the Bible and obvious pulling away from the Church. I remember only hurriedly packing up my home with a male who was a close friend. I was going to sneak away, with my son, under the cover of night, and live with these Druids. My friend was helping me pack, telling me that if they caught me I would be imprisoned, tortured and finally killed and my son would likely be killed as well. I knew this and it struck fear in my heart.

My cat, JoJo, woke me up before I got to finish the dream - so I don't know if we made it to safety or not. It was a cool dream, though, and one that didn't follow the usual dreamy loopiness. It was all very real and laid-out in a perfect timeline.

I suppose that's all for me this morning. Hope everyone is well, and I'll catch back up tomorrow.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:02 AM
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Wednesday, January 14, 2004

I really hate to do this again so soon, but I had to share this "Search Query" find. It's not that someone found my site (again) by typing this in, it's not that I seem to be the haven for information on every particular junk email subject that goes around - it's just that, did they really have to put every-single-piece-of-their-query in there? I mean, I didn't even know a Search box could hold that many characters!


a navy officer sent this letter to 13 people and he was promoted. a business man received this letter and threw it away - not believing in it.. and he lost everything he had within 13 days.. it reached a laborer and he distributed it to 13 people.. he was


Someone has way too much time on their hands.

And since I'm sharing, I've also found these new ones floating around:
pics rosa parks went she young - was she hot or not? Someone wants to know.

barn dog anima - I really don't want to know what they were really searching for. Do you?

And my personal favorite,
elmo ebay picture tit - Huh?

Oh, and did you hear? Bush is now trying to invade the Moon!


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 3:02 PM
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Tuesday, January 13, 2004

What a weekend I've had!

First, you've got to hear about my latest blonde moment. Remember when I went to the wrong doctor's office and locked my keys in my car? This almost tops that.

I decided, on the spur of the moment, to go to the movies Sunday night. Alone. I've always wanted to go to the movies alone - I don't know why - but I'd never gotten around to it. I decided this was the nite. I had 20 minutes to get ready and get there (it isn't far from my apartment), but I also had to stop and get gas in the car. I thought about waiting on the gas until after the movie, but I didn't feel like possibly getting stranded at the theater (Irony #1).

By time I got to the theater, I was in a mad rush. I made a hasty decision to leave my purse and only bring myself and my cash. I was in such a hurry that one thought zoomed through my mind as I shut the car door - "you just locked the keys in there". Oh well, no time to worry about it now. I went in and watched "Cold Mountain" (very good - just don't go see it if you're already kind of down - it's rather depressing) and came back out to hunt down a payphone. Not wanting to get stranded at the theater indeed. It took 30+ mins for my rescue to come.

You see, I was in Baret's car - but my car keys were on the same keyring as the ones locked in his car. He had to get one of my friends to come pick him up and bring him to the theater - thankfully he had an extra key for his car.

Irony #2 - The Main Irony of the Night - had to be the gigantic poster ad that I couldn't stop looking at in the theater lobby as I waited. It was for a Mazda vehicle (of course) and said in big, white letters: LIGHTS. CAMERA. CAR KEYS. Cute.

Yesterday I had off from work - yea! The reason was the inauguration of our new governor, Kathleen Blanco; Louisiana's first female governor. I thought it was pretty cool that she said her vows in English and Cajun French - a heritage that is truly dying from our state.

Baret had to be present at the ceremony, and he called me about mid-day to inform me that a particular crowd had arrived that I might have an interest in.

"They're here," he told me.

"They who?"

"The crazy Christian people with the crazy signs - from the website."

I knew exactly who he was talking about - my old friends at Westboro Baptist Church. We'd spent a holy Sunday perusing their site - and laughing our asses off (mixed with a good bit of honest bewilderment). These people...how can I find the words?

If you're curious as to what they're all about, I believe their URL sums it up nicely:
godhatesfags.com. Yes it is, and yes, they do.

They seem to think being gay or being accepting of gay people is the #1 worst sin that can be committed. They readily admit that, to them, God is not Love, God is Hate. They are also anti-American - some of their signs are upside down American flags. You might remember them from their picketing at the funeral of poor Matthew Shepard. Why would they put this poor family through more torment - what could the possibly have to say of such a tragic event? Well, I think this sums it up pretty well.

Our wacky friends at Westboro Baptist Church claim in their "Purpose" statement:
"GOD HATES FAGS" -- though elliptical -- is a profound theological statement, which the world needs to hear more than it needs oxygen, water and bread."

Yes, now knowing this, I, too, no longer feel the need for air or sustenance. It must be a miracle.

Truly, these people are demented. If you want a hoot, take a moment to check out their FAQ.

And what, you may ask, were the asshats of WBC doing picketing the inauguration of Louisiana's governor? I don't follow politics, but my best friend (who is gay) told me he read that she is all for gay rights. That's enough to bring the the freaks a-callin' - resplendent with their "Thank God for 9-11" and "Fags Burn In Hell" signs a-wavin'. What I wonder is what the fucktards would've done had they realized they were standing across the street from Baton Rouge's biggest gay neighborhood?

Really, I don't have to dog on 'em all that much - they make themselves look worse than I ever could, talented wordsmith or not. The scary thing is that there are gullible enough idiots out there that listen to and follow this man. I'm not Christian, so it's not for me to say - but if I were, I would be infuriated that such hateful people smeared my religion's name by calling it their own.

And I must leave you with this thought-provoking license plate that I saw yesterday. It said only:
4 Bush
As I sat and pondered over exactly which p-word representation of "bush" he was referring to I realized - either way you look at it - that's a pretty twisted thing to put on your license plate.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 11:08 AM
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Friday, January 09, 2004

I always wanted to know - how do people find me? I installed a stat counter on this site last month that tells me what people are typing into search engines to find me. I figured, after reading the results on others' blogs, this would be a hoot. As always, the rest of the population leaves me much to laugh at.

So, without further adieu, search engine queries that wound some poor soul up here.

The two biggest draws, of course, are shanna (usually people searching for porn star shanna moakler) and anima (probably people searching for tool-related things). Not so obvious, though, is coffee anima. This one stumped me for the longest. Coffee anima? Wtf is that? Apparently the perversion of my mind is slipping some. After doing a similar search, I came across a blog where someone was talking about coffee enemas...mispelled (to indicate pronunciation) anima. Oh...I see. A coffee enema people? Come on now. Do people really do this? Of course, after learning about wolfbagging online, I now know that people do just about anything you can imagine when it comes to sex & kink. And now that I've actually written out "coffee enema" on here, I can only imagine the hits I'm going to be getting.

The ones I like are the people who type entire sentences or phrases into a search engine. For example, give me some pictures of anima is going to yield the same results as "anima pictures", no? There was also depressed having to go back to work after vacation - weren't we all? - and a navy officer sent this letter to 13 people and he was promoted - referring to, still, one of the biggest search queries for this blog - sundarbans picture dead.

I can usually muster a guess as to what people were really searching for when they typed something certain in. But fuck sweety movie, hit alt-8, and shanna way have me stumped. Any ideas?

There are some that I know for sure came due to past posts: anima christmas pictures , smooshed fairies, dining mombo table set, makin magic headstone game , and saddam captured figurines. But when did I ever talk about anything even remotely resembling photo ejaculation feminine?

I'd have to say one of my favorites, however, was bored people pics. Is this some type of new sex kink or strange photo genre that I'm unaware of? Pictures of bored people...I don't know, sounds kind of, um, boring to me.

I would take a safe guess that googly sex pics is a hit from someone catching my link to Rose's blog (who I have to say a big CONGRATULATIONS to along with Ravyn today!)

And, last but not least, the poor individual who was searching for, simply, horndogs. Found one here, I gotta say.

I hope everyone has a kickass weekend - more from this vulgar, little Scorp soon.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 5:00 AM
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Thursday, January 08, 2004

What You Need to Know About Spam & Email Forwards
or, simply put, why I hate them so much!

You wouldn't believe the asinine emails I get! The spam stuff is bad enough - but when it's just dumb people fowarding shit because they're too dumb to realize it's a scam, that makes you want to pull your hair out.

I've learned that the reason emails like this go around is for the purpose of "email farming". See, let's say I have a message (a joke, maybe) and I forward it to Jack, Tom, Jill, Harry and Habib. Jack sends it to 14 people. Tom sends it 2, Harry sends it 45 and Habib doesn't send it to anyone because his modem dies. Already my email has been circulated to 61 people who are also forwarding it to their friends, family and online pals. You can see how you can sometimes get a message in your Inbox that has already been forwarded to hundreds of people. Now let's say I'm a spammer who is farming for emails - in other words, looking for email addresses that I can send my spam to. From this one dumb email that I sent out, I am going to get back hundreds of email addresses that I can now send spam to - which, if you don't know, is a million-dollar a year industry.

So, when I get the dumb emails that are obviously concocted so gullible fools will send them on to everyone they know, I want to slap someone. There are the ones, like the one posted Monday, that say Bill Gates or some other lucrative figure is sending a certain amount of money to everyone that forwards their message on. If you really stopped and let common logic kick in, you would know this is completely unlikely, and really stupid. But, for some reason - and studies have proven this - if people see it on the computer screen, they believe it. For all the retarded shit that comes through in email, it is proven that people are more likely to believe it if read in this medium. Go figure. You get the ones with a ridiculously silly poem or limerick about friends & love - and it tells you to pass it on to everyone to remind them how much you love them. Again, email farming at its worst. This is also effective with "God" ones - "If you love God you'll forward this to as many people as you can!" It sounds silly, but it works. I'd guess that 98% of people that get such things do, indeed, forward them to mass amounts of people. There are the ones that tell a joke with no punch line - telling you that if you send it to umpteen number of people and hit certain keys on your keyboard, the punch line or some silly cartoon character will dance across the screen on your monitor. This ploy is also disguised as saying some department store is offering coupons for preposterous dollar amounts - and forwarding to blank number of people and hitting certain keys will make the coupon appear on your screen. People don't realize, or seem to forget, that it is impossible for sending an email to make anything appear on your computer or your screen. So that one works well, too. People, thinking they'll get something good or funny, start sending the thing to everyone they know.

And deep down, I believe these people do have common sense, and do know that they are complete idiots for flooding their friends' Inboxes with such crap. Because, 9 x's out of 10, they write at the top of the email, "I'm sorry, I just had to try this" or "Better safe than sorry" or "I don't usually send stuff like this, but what have I got to lose?" They're apologizing in advance for being dim-witted and irritating - so it's really hard to not want to throttle them. They know better, they're just hoping, that just maybe, Bill Gates will send them a check for $24,000, that $0.03 will be donated to some dying child for every person they forward to, that Macy's really is issuing hundreds of $125 coupons, or that God really will give two damn rat shits that they forwarded an email professing their adoration of him.

Did you say vulgar??

Finally, I'd like to leave you with a sweet, little, tongue-in-cheek note I sent my close friend who, referring to the fact that it was hard to keep his New Year's resolution to stop cursing around me, called me "vulgar".

No, no, I'm only teasing you. I don't mind (too much) you're calling me vulgar. Though I can't imagine what in the hell you're referring to? I'm such a quiet and mild-mannered little creature, there's no fucking way that you'd hear any damn bitching from me in any profuse displays of cursing or damning. Me, curse? For fuck's sake, whatever are you talking about? I don't jive with all that shit, and I'll damn the bastard that accuses me of using any fucking profanity. Fuck that fucking shit. I'd really hate to make an ass of myself or act like a sonofabitch by uttering such goddamn filth. You should know better. This bitch is too polite to be spewing forth profanities like some kind of dumb-fucking asshat! What the fuck? As far as I'm concerned, you can kiss my mother-fucking vulgar ass!!


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 11:01 AM
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Wednesday, January 07, 2004

So I'm flipping through some ecards after just sending one to a friend who's had a run of bad luck, and I decide to look at the "Mom" ones. Maybe I can send one to my Mom who I haven't talked to in a few days and who I missing hanging out with. But they only offered one free "Mom-ecard" (sorry, Ma, your daughter's cheap) and it truly disturbed me. It said, upon clicking, "All Mom's Should Be Showered With Flowers". Sweet enough, right? After clicking again, however, it read: "Mom, let me shower you!" Somehow that just seems wrong.

I keep getting these amazing (amazingly stupid and irritating) emails at work. One yesterday was a collection of art prints done by some woman of Jesus smiling and doing various things. The email read "There's a new concept, Jesus smiling!! Isn't it beautiful?" As I scrolled through the pictures, wondering how this huge email made it through the mail server, I was struck by the same thought that always appears when viewing pictures of "Jesus": Hi, Leonardo!

My little joke refers to the beliefs that Leonardo da Vinci is the one who faked the Turin Shroud, imparting his own image onto it. Since this seems to be one of the main sources of "this is how Jesus looked", I always make that joke. I don't know if the da Vinci story is true, but I've read some very credible findings that could back it. Whoever the white-skinned, soft brown-haired, baby blue-eyed man whose image is referred to as "Christ" is, he isn't Jesus.

Jesus was a dark-skinned Jew, not a pale-skinned European. I doubt his hair was fair, flowing and soft or that he ever wore white robes (not really conducive to the nomad lifestyle 'ole J.C. supposedly lived). So why do Christians hold so fervently to this iconography?

Worshippers of Pagan religions are considered polytheistic - as in they worship more than one god. In actuality, Pagans understand that All That Is can be worshipped in any form, as It is part of and in everything. The different iconic gods and goddess are all merely representations and different facets of the one, great power that is God & Goddess (the male and female energy of All That Is). The reason for this explanation is to wonder, then, if Christians worship an obviously false concept and image of Jesus Christ, and he is simply an extension of their one, great God - is this not the same? They know this isn't the true face of Christ (unless they're really stupid), yet they believe that it is a perfectly acceptable thing to worship as a representation of him. It is quite astounding, if you've never looked into it before, the blurring of the lines between Christianity and Paganism. They aren't as far removed as most Christians would like you to believe.

With that, I'm out for today. Have a good one.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 5:03 AM
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Monday, January 05, 2004

I've really got a quite collection of these going on now!

Yes, folks, that's right - it's time for the latest installment of "Stupid Email Forwards & The Asshats Who Perpetuate Them". This one's a gem. My comments are in black italics.

Show me the $$$

To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages (Yes you do - once a forwarder, always a forwarder),
but this is from my good friend Pearlas Sanborn and she
really is an attorney(Really? That must mean we can really trust her, then, because we all know how honest & trustworthy attorneys are!). If she says that this will work - it WILL work. (Is she God or an attorney?)
After all, what have you got to lose? (The respect of all my friends)



SORRY EVERYBODY.....JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! (Don't you want to kill people like this? Sorry I ran over your cat and insulted your entire family, I just had to take the chance.)
I'm an attorney, and I know the law (That's a first.) . This thing is for real. (I take it back you are a liar attorney)
Rest assured AOL and Intel will follow through with their
promises for fear of facing a multimillion dollar class
action suit similar to the one filed by PepsiCo against
General Electric not too long ago. (I'm insulted that you actually think I am THAT STUPID)


Dear Friends (No friend of mine forwards retarded shit like this) ,
Please do not take this for a junk letter (B/c it really is, and that would negate the entire reason for our sending it.) . Bill Gates is sharing
his fortune (Sure he is.) . If you ignore this you will repent later. (I have chills. Really.) Microsoft
and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an
effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most
widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an
e-mail beta test. (Yes, I, too, am still grabbling with how an "email beta test" is going to make sure IE is the most widely used program.)

When you forward this e-mail to friends,
Microsoft can and will track it (if you are a Microsoft
Windows user) for a two week time period. (There may be tracking going on but it isn't by MS and it isn't something you really want going on) For every
person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will
pay you $245.00, for every person that you sent it to that
forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for
every third person that receives it, you will be paid
$241.00. (You've got to be fucking kidding me! If you really and truly and honestly believe this, just shoot yourself now. You are taking up valuable oxygen and space, and apparently the Darwin factor is slipping. You should end it now - you are too dumb to go on living.) Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you
for your address and then send you a cheque.. (Trust me, they WON'T be sending you ANYTHING.)

Regards.

Charles S. Bailey
General Manager Field Operations
1/800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or
904/245-1085 or RNX 292-1085
Charles_Bailey@csx.com

(And just to make sure you get duped, the madness continues)

I thought this was a scam myself, but two weeks
after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on,
Microsoft contacted me for my address and
within days, I received a cheque for US$24,800.00. (Bullshit.)
You need to respond before the beta testing is over.
If anyone can afford this Bill Gates is the man.
It's all marketing expense to him. (I don't care what kind of expense or tax write-off this could be. B. Gates is NOT going to send random people he doesn't know checks for thousands of dollars just so you'll keep using IE as your primary browser. Wake up, sheeple.) Please forward
this to as many people as possible. (Otherwise, our email-farming scheme is totally in vain.) You are bound
to get at least US$10,000.00. (…in Monopoly money.) We're not going to
help them out with their e-mail beta test without
getting a little something for our time. My brother's
girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I
went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game. She
showed me her check. It was for the sum of
$4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid In Full". (What, not $24,000 like yours? She not know enough people?) Like I
said before, I know the law, and this is for real. (I don't know the law, but I fail to see how knowing it or not knowing it proves this email is valid.)

Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which
would make them the largest Internet company
and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the
most widely used program, Intel and AOL are
running an e-mail beta test. (Wait, I thought the entire point of this was to make sure IE was the most widely used browser? Something sounds fishy. {Yes, yes, I know - it was stinking long before this part, but maybe some of our less bright homosapien brothers & sisters missed that.})

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Intel can
and will track it (if you are a Microsoft Windows
user) for a two week time period. (No they can't, and no, they won't.)

For every person that you forward this e-mail to,
Microsoft will pay you $203.15. (Wait, I thought it was $245.)

For every person that you sent it to that forwards
it on, Microsoft will pay you $156.29. (What happened to the original scam instructions? $200+ for every person that I forward it to that forwards it…)

And for every third person that receives it, you will
be paid $17.65. Within two weeks, Intel will contact
you for your address and then send you a check. (Please, I implore you, hold your breath while waiting for this.)

I thought this was a scam myself, but a friend of my
good friend's Aunt Patricia, who works at Intel, actually
got a check of $4,543.23 by forwarding this e-mail. (That's like saying my girlfriend's sister's hairdresser's mother's babysitter's dog walker tried this and it worked! Huh?)


****

Try it, what have you got to lose???? (The respect of all my friends & co-workers?)

In another rant, do you know what the "biggest selling product of 2003" was?? Well, according to a particular set of spam emails I've been getting lately, it's the "Penis Enlarger Patch"! "No more premature ejaculation" it promises - along with making your cock the size of a freightliner. That's right - it's a patch, similar to the nicotine patch, that makes you grow & perform like never before. The email is actually a set of three pictures - some buff guy wearing said patch on his arm and making out with some blonde broad. It's a patch…that makes your dick grow.

The email says nothing about what's in the patch or how it works - it doesn't even really say whether it's safe to use or not. But I have to say, it does have my curiosity piqued. It's a PATCH! Wtf?

With that, I'm out.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 8:04 AM
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Sunday, January 04, 2004

Better late than never, I always say. I truly would've liked to give you the Xmas Review in a much more timely manner, but "the move" at work and the "evil sinus infection" have kept me far from the computer keys as of late. So let's get to it - before you know it, Xmas '04 will be here!

The holiday zoomed by, and nothing really stands out that calls for rehashing. There were a few highlights, though. I got my really awesome spiral thingy that I've been salivating over in the Pottery Barn catalog (thanks, baby). I got my sweetass dining room set (you've seen that). We spent a late Xmas evening with my family and enjoyed a family holiday feast of turducken. I don't know how many people know about turducken, if it's a regional thing or what. We first learned of the concept a few years back. Essentially, it's a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey. No, I'm not making that up. We didn't stuff it ourselves, but bought it all already crammed in. There were many other tasty side dishes, but the rolls deserve a mention - if only because of the endearing term my grandfather has taken to calling them - booty bread. Last, but never least, was a common sight in the homes of my family - a rather fluffy centerpiece.

New Year's is even less worth mentioning. Because I was on meds and still rather sick, I spent the entire evening sober as a judge - unless you count the single, celebratory glass of champagne that I nursed from 9pm until past midnight. We had a very small get together with friends at my place - it was a nice & quiet way to ring in the New Year. Unable to find Dick Clark, we were stuck watching the "Peach Drop" in Atlanta, GA - and we all agreed it looked like a big butt sliding down the pole.

So, with all the booty bread at Xmas and the booty dropping on New Year's, it's sure to be an interesting new year!

In other news, I'm still unable to walk away from the Ebay trap, I'm still ordering like crazy. But, hey, you can't pass up a chance to re-purchase the Queen of the Damned soundtrack, brand new, for $8.95 (mine was tossed out of the window all with all of the other CDs that were in my car when it was stolen). I also got good prices on the DVDs The Ring, The House of the Spirits and Bram Stoker's Dracula.

And does anyone remember the Seinfeld episode where Eileen's favorite birth control device (the Today Sponge) was taken off of the market? Well, that's me when it comes to The Body Shop's Mari Mari perfume. I'd first found the fragrance back in 2000 when my roomie worked at The Body Shop in the local mall. Never being big on perfumes, I knew this was my scent when she first brought me a sample home. It's not girly or flowery, but has a nice warm, seductive, musky yet still rain forest and feminine type scent. Last year I decided to buy a bottle only to find out The Body Shop no longer makes Mari Mari! Needless to say, I was upset. So now, any Mari Mari that goes up for bid on Ebay I snatch up like a vulture - battling others in the bidding war until the very last second (I've paid over $20 for a bottle already). It's just my luck that I'd find the scent I choose to be mine, and they stop making the shit.

Lastly, I'd like to leave by throwing in my two coppers on Britney's little "joke" wedding. She hasn't been in the media in a few months now, and this put her right back to the top of the headlines (as was planned). How do you get married - go get the license, go back to the chapel and then go through the entire procedure "accidentally"? How can it be a joke that "went too far"?? When the preacher says, "Do you?" (if you've already gotten that far) you say "NO!" Really simple. This entire little scheme confuses me. Aren't there other ways to get the media's attention focused back on you? Kissing girls or posing for Playboy or something? Getting "accidentally" married is pretty....stupid.

Later.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 3:25 PM
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