Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant


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name: shanna
age: 28
sign: scorpio
live: louisiana
feeling:
The current mood of shanna at www.imood.com

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Pin-up girl by Rion Vernon; used with permission. Header design by the totally awesome Rose. The rest by moi.


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Thursday, April 29, 2004

I can be one hard bitch, but when it comes to animals, my heart is huge. This article made me cry with happy tears:


Cat Found in SF Reunited With Fla. Owner

SAN FRANCISCO - Cheyenne, a cat that went missing in Florida seven years ago and was recently found wandering streets, was reunited Wednesday with her owner, who was flown to San Francisco at Ellen DeGeneres' expense.

"Ellen is a huge animal lover," said Michelle Gross, a spokeswoman for the talk show host. "When she heard about this woman being separated from her cat, she just wanted to help reunite her and have her on the show."

After picking up Cheyenne from the city's Animal Care and Control department, Pamela Edwards and her daughter went to Los Angeles to tape a future episode of DeGeneres' show.

Edwards adopted the black short-haired cat from her local animal shelter in Bradenton, Fla., in 1997. The cat disappeared a few months later.

Earlier this month, Edwards got a call from San Francisco, where city workers had scanned Cheyenne's implanted microchip and learned she belonged to Edwards, 2,800 miles away in Florida.

By coincidence, the woman took the call the same day she was taking her other cat, who was 19 years old, to be euthanized. Cheyenne is now 10 years old.

How did the cat make such a journey?

"Possibly, someone found her in Florida," said Deb Campbell, spokeswoman for Animal Care and Control. "Or sometimes cats get stuck in moving vans. We know she didn't walk here — her feet looked pretty good."


I don't know what touched me more about this story - other than a kitty lost seven years ago being found across the country (I love those stories) - the fact that the woman was going to be euthanizing her 19 year old cat that very day she got the call, or that I woke up this morning thinking of Gilly and missing her terribly and somehow this story made me feel better.

Also, thanks to everyone who left suggestions - such wonderful suggestions! - to help me stock my pantry. I'm on my way to being a real cook - or, at least, someone who has something in her shelves to cook!


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 4:36 AM
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Monday, April 26, 2004

Quick question - as I'm still new at all of this "playing house/being an adult" stuff (yes, I know I'm almost 30, but better late than never, right?), I'm always stumped when it comes to grocery shopping. Since my lazy arse only goes about every six months (I'm trying to do better), I really need things that will keep for a long time. I also need things that are easy to throw together at the last minute, and that are "versatile" - something that could be used for a myriad of different quick recipes. I'm really tired of the fast-food, frozen-food, junk-food lifestyle and being on a first name basis with all of Papa John's delivery people. I need to start cooking - but first, I need a well-stocked kitchen. If I have to run to the store everytime I want to cook, I ain't cooking.

I guess what I'm asking is, what are your kitchen staples; the things you keep your pantry/fridge stocked with at all times that allows you to whip up various meals at any given time? What are your must-haves and always-stocked items?

Thanks!


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 12:49 PM
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To busy to post anything meaningful - just wanted to say I hope everyone had a great weekend. The crawfish was *excellent* and I drowned my sorrows in too many beers. Spent all of the rainy Sunday playing The Sims only to learn it's damn hard without the 'rosebud' cheat!!!

Later...


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 9:27 AM
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Friday, April 23, 2004

I think I can sum up this entire fucking work week thus:

I was reading in this blog that "One in every twelve people is born dumb." I'm not sure where she gleaned this information from, but I've few doubts as to its accuracy. If this is indeed true then I am wholly convinced that more than half of the people I work with fall into this small category.

Like kryptonite to Superman, "change" is the nemesis of any state worker that falls into the aforementioned "one in every twelve" group. This being the vast majority of them, it comes as no surprise that along with the tedium and many irritations of installing 60+ new computer systems I have also had to deal with the most whiny bunch of dumbfucks that has ever lived.

Look, it is NOT my job to teach you how to do your job and it is not my FAULT that you are too dumb to truly qualify for your job. What? Oh, I know the line, "I'm not good with computers. My job isn't computers and I can't do all this stuff." Listen up, fuckwad, you couldn't do your job without a computer, you couldn't function if everything on that computer was gone so, YES, knowing how to work through basic computer functions IS your job and it ain't MY job to teach you. If you're too damn ignorant to know how to create a desktop shortcut icon, or to even know *what* an "icon" is (no, folks, most of them don't), then you can't do your job. Since nearly 95% of the functions of your job involve using a computer, then, yes, you need to "know computers" to do it. DO NOT come complaining to me because "the new computer SUCKS ASS" because "it's all different." Yes, it's different you whiny fuck, because your old computer was ancient and took 5 mins to open a program - this is newer, better, and, other than simply being different than what you're used to, a vast improvement on what you had before. Quit fucking complaining, quit whining to me that you can't "do anything" on your new computer, and learn to do your job.

Just TRY - that's all I'm asking. Before you come stand in my office door for ten minutes whining about "this stupid new computer", before you keep me on the phone for half an hour bitching that "this dumb thing doesn't work", realize that, more than likely, the computer is a lot less "dumb" and "stupid" than you are and go tell your supervisor that you need to be signed up for some serious computer training classes. My job is to keep you running efficiently, fix broken machines and fiangle screwy programs, not to listen to your drivel or teach you to do the basics of your job so that you can continue making 3x's more than me.

I hate dumb people.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 3:46 PM
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Thank you to the stupid, fucking cuntrag whore who kicked my PMS into action this morning by almost hitting my car.

The bitch was driving a silver new Beetle - which if you've ever driven a new Beetle, has some decided blind spots. Taking this into consideration, if you start moving over into the right lane and hear brakes screeching and a horn being layed on, your first instinct, normally, would be to jerk back over into your lane. Right?

Unless you are the stupid, fucking cuntrag whore who felt so strongly that she needed to be in my lane, she risked hitting me to get there. She didn't hit her brakes or jerk back over, she just kept coming over, as if her original intent was to bully her way between the car in front of me and myself where there was hardly no room in the near bumper-to-bumper traffic. Then she waves at me - she fucking waves at me as if to say, "Thanks for letting me in."

I didn't let you in, you fucking whore, you almost HIT me! The only reason I "let" you in is because had I not slammed on my brakes, there would have been a nice, new silver Beetle dent in the side of Baret's fucking car!!

I was teetering on the edge of sanity as it was - it's been a long and hard work week and it was taking everything I had just to go in and face even one more day of it. But stupid, fucking cuntrag whore set me off and, most likely, this will be my attitude for the rest of the day. My tolerance for stupidity is now nil, so more than a few people are going to get eyerolls and snappish answers before the day is done. Thank you for kicking my PMS in, bitch.

I just keep saying to myself "crawfish boil on Saturday, crawfish boil on Saturday" and everything will be alright. My mantra.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 6:18 AM
|




Thursday, April 22, 2004

Not much time to post these days, as you can see. But I thought you'd all like a preview of the latest to join the Halls of Stupid (he will be added when I have a bit more time). Really, it's long and pretty boring for most of it, but how often do you get an actual marriage proposal?

Enjoy...
The Take a Wife Masterpiece

titaniq_2003: hello
valeria_messalinna: hi
titaniq_2003: nice too meet you
titaniq_2003: how are you
valeria_messalinna: Ok
titaniq_2003: ok ty
valeria_messalinna: Thank you for what?
valeria_messalinna: ?
titaniq_2003: Take a wife that are you knowing
valeria_messalinna: What??
titaniq_2003: Take a wife be my friend
valeria_messalinna: Take a wife?
valeria_messalinna: You're not making any sense
valeria_messalinna: ?
titaniq_2003: yes
valeria_messalinna: You didn't answer my question
titaniq_2003: The crystal of your request
valeria_messalinna: Um....what does that mean?
titaniq_2003: I really look for a young woman my friend is from distance
valeria_messalinna: Urgh - you're looking for a long-distance friend???
valeria_messalinna: I take it English is not your first language?
titaniq_2003: He became soft I look for a friend take a wife an agreement my demand is by me
valeria_messalinna: You do realize that made absolutely no sense, right?
titaniq_2003: you have pls webcam
valeria_messalinna: No, I don't haev pls webcam
valeria_messalinna: You're looking for a wife?
titaniq_2003: my name is madani you pls
valeria_messalinna: Shanna
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: A livestock is from the wife
valeria_messalinna: So, again, what are you looking for? I mean, why did you IM me?
valeria_messalinna: A livestock is from the wife? I don't understand anything you're saying. What does that mean?
titaniq_2003: He became soft I look for the wife
valeria_messalinna: Who became soft?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Ok? Ok what? Who became soft?
titaniq_2003: My saying take a wife be my friend knows me for language
valeria_messalinna: Ok sure. I still don't get where the soft part came in, but ok.
valeria_messalinna: I think you're using the word "take" incorrectly, perhaps?
titaniq_2003: They thanked
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: ??????? Are you using some type of translator or do you naturally massacre the English language this badly?
titaniq_2003: im have my photo
valeria_messalinna: Good for you
titaniq_2003: not
valeria_messalinna: Not?
titaniq_2003: im have my pohoto
valeria_messalinna: Yes, you said that already
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: hello
titaniq_2003: *he posted a link to his photo - which I'll post as soon as stupid-fucking COX gets their shit together and I can get into my webspace*
titaniq_2003: im my photuo
valeria_messalinna: Ok. I see your photo.
titaniq_2003: Take a wife masterpiece
valeria_messalinna: Are you saying that your photo is a "take a wife masterpiece"?
titaniq_2003: From where countries please
valeria_messalinna: You have a pretty high opinion of yourself, don't you?
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: Is my agreement by me my demand is to be my friend
titaniq_2003: I am sad O shanna
valeria_messalinna: Why are you sad?
titaniq_2003: But I am a discussion many but not do we obey
valeria_messalinna: Uh...because you're demanding people to be your friend and they won't obey you? Is that what you're trying to say?
titaniq_2003: I hope your my my friend is my being with me in future
valeria_messalinna: How can I be your friend? I don't know you
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Ok....jeez
valeria_messalinna: Where did you learn English?
titaniq_2003: I hope your my be with me from the recent from the Internet
valeria_messalinna: We've been talking all of five minutes - how can I be your friend?
valeria_messalinna: Besides, how could I be friends with you when I can't understand half of what you're saying?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Seriously, where did you learn English?
titaniq_2003: I hope your my to know me for language and that with me in a future is in that
valeria_messalinna: Dude, that made no sense. Your English is horrible
titaniq_2003: My friend is a regret but not corporal
valeria_messalinna: Corporal? Do you even know what that word means??
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: No, not ok. Answer the question, please
titaniq_2003: He was sincere with me to live with you my you are my life
valeria_messalinna: First, who is "he"??? Second, I am your life?
titaniq_2003: Take a wife be with me in future
valeria_messalinna: "take" a wife? Are you meaning "be my wife"?
titaniq_2003: He became soft you are my life I am good from feed from me
valeria_messalinna: That made NO SENSE
valeria_messalinna: Are you asking me to be your wife?
valeria_messalinna: Like as in, marry you?
titaniq_2003: yes He yes be a husband me
valeria_messalinna: Wow...um...omg
valeria_messalinna: I mean...this is so sudden.
valeria_messalinna: Ok, yes, I will be your wife.
valeria_messalinna: I mean, you being the 'take a wife masterpiece' and all, how could I not?
titaniq_2003: They thanks take a wife an agreement be my wife
valeria_messalinna: Yes, an agreement, ok. I will be your wife. When will we get married?
titaniq_2003: I that inclined your that live with you are in your countries my in near future
valeria_messalinna: Uhhh...do you want to live in my country or yours, then?
titaniq_2003: Are you visiting me or I
valeria_messalinna: Visiting? I thought we were getting married. What IS your country, anyway? Since we're getting married, I think I should know.
titaniq_2003: It were obscure in my countries that you keep alive with me
titaniq_2003: Take a wife you keep alive with me in my countries
valeria_messalinna: Does that mean I will live in your country? Yes or no
titaniq_2003: you pls mail shanna
valeria_messalinna: I see communication is going to be a problem
valeria_messalinna: What is your country?
titaniq_2003: algeria
titaniq_2003: you pls
valeria_messalinna: USA
valeria_messalinna: Are we going to live in Algeria or USA?
titaniq_2003: ok cool
titaniq_2003: Your agreement is by me you
valeria_messalinna: Right. So does that mean Algeria or USA?
titaniq_2003: But I really loved passionately you your picture
valeria_messalinna: Obviously
valeria_messalinna: You proposed to me 10 mins after "talking" to me. Don't you find that a bit....strange?
titaniq_2003: He yes you you keep alive with me my friend is in my countries
valeria_messalinna: So I'm gathering we're going to live there. How am I going to get there? You going to pay for my plane ticket?
titaniq_2003: But I am really weak for a language
valeria_messalinna: No shit?
valeria_messalinna: So are you going to pay for my plane ticket to Algeria?
titaniq_2003: yes
valeria_messalinna: How are you going to support us? What is your job?
titaniq_2003: What his my by you were able your
valeria_messalinna: Wtf does that mean?
valeria_messalinna: ?
titaniq_2003: I the merchant of the petrol
valeria_messalinna: Ok.
valeria_messalinna: I want to get married in hot pink. Can my wedding dress be hot pink in color?
titaniq_2003: My friend is an agreement by me
valeria_messalinna: What friend?
titaniq_2003: I am girlfriend my to buy the house in your countrie
valeria_messalinna: You have a girlfriend here that is going to buy me a house?
titaniq_2003: yes
valeria_messalinna: Ok. Are you a virgin? I can't marry you if you're not a virgin, you know.
titaniq_2003: Why
valeria_messalinna: You're supposed to be a virgin when you get married.
valeria_messalinna: How old are you?
titaniq_2003: 28
titaniq_2003: you pls
valeria_messalinna: 26
titaniq_2003: ok ty
titaniq_2003: i my amil titaniq_2003@yahoo.fr
titaniq_2003: you pls
valeria_messalinna: What will be our wedding date?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: ok?
valeria_messalinna: What date?
valeria_messalinna: May or June? I've always wanted a June wedding
titaniq_2003: :x ty ok
titaniq_2003: shnna pls mail
valeria_messalinna: It's on my profile...
titaniq_2003: My friend , are you visiting me by me my birthday
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: i my mail titaniq_2003@yahoo.fr
valeria_messalinna: When is your birthday? I don't magically know these things
titaniq_2003: A declaration is post hoc
valeria_messalinna: Ok sure whatever.
valeria_messalinna: Well, I've got to get going.
titaniq_2003: Are you visiting me in the houses of the senior in my countries
valeria_messalinna: Sure. Whatever floats your boat.
titaniq_2003: you pls mail
valeria_messalinna: Ok. Have a nice nite. See you at the wedding.
titaniq_2003: im my telephont ok
valeria_messalinna: You're in your telephone?
titaniq_2003: *taken out*
titaniq_2003: you pls
titaniq_2003: you pls mail
valeria_messalinna: Im not giving you my phone number. It's too soon - I'm shy
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: you pls mail
valeria_messalinna: Sure, sure.
valeria_messalinna: Good nite.
titaniq_2003: Take a wife you take in as a guest
valeria_messalinna: What does that mean?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Right. Ok.
titaniq_2003: An agreement is to visit me in my countries my birthday is by me
valeria_messalinna: It would be nice if I knew when your birthday was so I could plan, don't cha think?
valeria_messalinna: Oh no - I can't marry you
titaniq_2003: I hope your my my lover is to visit me my my wife
valeria_messalinna: But I can't marry you. I forgot - I have a boyfriend.
titaniq_2003: But you are my wife
valeria_messalinna: Um...no. We haven't gotten married yet.
titaniq_2003: ok bye
valeria_messalinna: Just bye, huh? After everything we've meant to one another?!
titaniq_2003: pls
valeria_messalinna: Please what?
titaniq_2003: But you they were headstrong you a friend
valeria_messalinna: What?
titaniq_2003: I am sorry
valeria_messalinna: Uh...ok
titaniq_2003: You you are not agreed with my to be my wife is in futur
valeria_messalinna: Yes, but I realized I can't. It might upset my boyfriend.
titaniq_2003: hello
valeria_messalinna: What?
titaniq_2003: you here
valeria_messalinna: I'm about to leave
titaniq_2003: I hope your my to visit me in the house my
valeria_messalinna: I don't think I'm going to come visit you
titaniq_2003: I inclined your in your countries
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: I really can't understand you
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: I inclined your
valeria_messalinna: That makes NO sense
titaniq_2003: ok i sooree
titaniq_2003: I am sorry
valeria_messalinna: Ok
valeria_messalinna: Well, good nite
titaniq_2003: I to go away usa
valeria_messalinna: You can go wherever you want
valeria_messalinna: I'm leaving now
titaniq_2003: shanna Take a wife an agreement the marriage is by me
valeria_messalinna: No, I don't want to marry you. I can't understand anything you're saying. For obvious reasons, it wouldn't work out.
titaniq_2003: I hope your my to know me for language
valeria_messalinna: Ok. Goodbye
titaniq_2003: I am an intellect to you
titaniq_2003: pls
valeria_messalinna: Please what?
titaniq_2003: you mail
valeria_messalinna: Are you begging me to marry you? That's so....pathetic
valeria_messalinna: I am going bye-bye now, ok? Bye bye.
titaniq_2003: He yes I inclined your in your countries you and I buy you a my a guidance
valeria_messalinna: Again, that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever in the English-speaking language.
titaniq_2003: ok I hope your my I am sorry I you learn from your talk you
valeria_messalinna: Sure.
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003:
valeria_messalinna: Goodbye
titaniq_2003: shanna You are my lover ok bye you pls mail
titaniq_2003: titaniq_2003@yahoo.fr
valeria_messalinna: Right, I got it the first 20 x's you sent it
titaniq_2003: ok bye



- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 5:27 AM
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Inspired by Rachel:


Which Rock Chick Are You?


Who me? Outspoken? Opinionated?? Nah.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 10:54 AM
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Monday, April 19, 2004

So I get this email at work last week entitled "Innovative Pastor":


There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program................ The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."


The sender had appended this under the short sentence:
Commenting on the obvious may sometimes be appropriate!

Is that supposed to be cute? This is a glowing example of the reason I have such a distaste for organized religion. I see churches that are massive - huge edifices, a great deal of them boasting their own gymnasium and a parking lot that is matched in size only by ones at malls. I see schools in various states of disrepair, I see homeless people sleeping on benches across the street from these huge churches, I see children graduating from school who cannot read and write. But the churches are raising money to build bigger churches??

Christianity is supposedly based on the teachings of the man known as Jesus Christ, correct me if I'm wrong, a man who purportedly stated that doing for others was the only way to live.

The Bible states it pretty clearly:
Then will the King say to those on his right, Come, you who have the blessing of my Father, into the kingdom made ready for you before the world was:
For I was in need of food, and you gave it to me: I was in need of drink, and you gave it to me: I was wandering, and you took me in; I had no clothing, and you gave it to me: when I was ill, or in prison, you came to me. Then will the upright make answer to him, saying, Lord, when did we see you in need of food, and give it to you? or in need of drink, and give it to you? And when did we see you wandering, and take you in? or without clothing, and give it to you? And when did we see you ill, or in prison, and come to you? And the King will make answer and say to them, Truly I say to you, Because you did it to the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.
Matthew 25:34-40

The preachings of Jesus, and the supposed basis of Christianity, is to "do unto others" not "glorify thyself with riches". Jesus nor God seem to give a toss that you worship them in the biggest, prettiest church on the block but, rather, that you help those less fortunate in their name. I'm no Christian, but I can read. And from what I've read, that seems to be the message. Again, correct me if I'm wrong...

I could not possibly have any faith in a religion or a church that is interested, mainly, in lining its own pockets. What need does deity have for dollar signs? How can you proudly waltz into an immense and exquisitely decorated church every Sunday and then turn around and feel good about dropping your kid off at their dilapidated school Monday morning? How can you so easily drop your money into the collection plate every Sunday to further an organization that doesn't need it, yet hold tight your purse strings when you see a homeless person sitting on the side of the street who does need it? Do you believe that giving to the church, in God's eyes, is the same as giving to the poor? You are wrong. Is it that you think the church is going to take your funds and put them to the appropriately weak and down-trodden? Wrong again. Someone has to pay for the new gym or the three 20 foot tall crosses going up along the side of the Interstate.

Why does everyone think it is okay for Christians to be so hypocritical? What would Jesus say if he came down to Earth today and saw all of the glorious, colossal churches dotting the countryside? I believe he'd shake his head in dismay. This is what you use your money for? he'd probably ask. If you honestly think he'd be doing cartwheels in excitement and awe, "You worship me in that? I RULE!" then perhaps you'd better put a little more effort into learning about the man you supposedly worship.

Greed is a terrible thing.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:07 AM
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Friday, April 16, 2004

Shanna + a full cup of coffee in her system + Crystal Method's "Tweekend" blaring on the radio = one crazy, road raging bitch on the morning commute.

Without fail, as soon as the caffeine kicks in, I am asking myself, "Self, why in the world did you drink coffee - again?!" I don't like coffee, I don't like what it does to me yet I sometimes find myself having a few sips for a quick late afternoon pick-me-up or an early morning help-me-get-up. A few sips is all I need. But today, like a dumbass, I go and down a whole cup just before I leave for work. Stupid stupid stupid. I apparently have this thing for doing bad, hurtful or otherwise aggravating things to myself. I'm my own worst enemy.

So of course on the way in to work, some fucking brainless bitch has to get in my way and piss me off. I'm coming up on a red light, she's in the left lane, waiting and I'm coming up to the right lane and slowing down. All of a sudden, Brainless Bitch decides she would rather be waiting in the right lane so she swerves over to it as I'm coming up. I slam on my brakes, very narrowly missing her back end. I didn't honk - I'm trying to wean myself off of my abusive-horn-honking but I was cursing her lower than a dog and she saw definitely knew it - I saw her beady little eyes glance up nervously in the rearview mirror a few times and lip-reader or no, it was pretty obvious what was coming out of my mouth. The evil look I gave her back probably didn't help - as anyone who's ever gotten an extremely pissed off glare from a Scorpio can attest.

I honestly don't know if I made Brainless Bitch nervous or she just didn't know where she was going, or even how to drive to get there. I couldn't help but ride her ass because every few moments she would hit the brakes. And I don't mean she tapped them, she came almost to a complete stop in the middle of the flippin' highway - I don't know why. I couldn't decide if it was because she was looking for a turn or she thought she was going to get me off her ass - which, again, I couldn't help being on because she kept slamming on her brakes. Finally, we're coming to a green light and she hits her brakes - again - and the light turns yellow as she's doing this and coming up to it, so she slams on them at the light. Ugh! I'm still behind her, still cursing and shaking my head and throwing evil Scorpio eyes. As soon as the light turns green again, she goes through it riding her brakes and suddenly turns off at the very next opening - was she lost or scared of me? I'm not sure - honestly - it could've been either. I don't know what she thought I could've done to her in my Miata going up against her big Grand Am. Dumb bitch.

I swear to Christ, people in Baton Rouge can't drive - at all. They're awful. And now that more than half of the driving population are chatting on cell phones while driving, you can only imagine how much worse it's gotten. These people couldn't drive with their full attention on the road - now they're putting that half of one brain cell they have to talking on the phone, and they sure as hell have no skill or brainpower left with which with to drive! Would they please make that shit illegal? Please!

So last nite I had a web-designer-breakdown. After checking out Rachel's new blog & the one she designed for Gary I was thoroughly impressed. This chick knew her way around some CSS, and I thought to myself, not for the first time, "Damn, Self, we really need to sit down and fully learn this CSS shit" - along with all of the other new and innovative things that are used out there now to create kickass looking webpages. Then I sat down and started fooling around, looking up templates for some ideas on how I was going to do Rose's business site, which I already had a few ideas bubbling in my head for. I wandered into some heavy Flash & I-don't-even-know-what-else sites that loaded up with all kinds of pretty pictures and sounds and did all kinds of cool things, and I felt....well, wholly inadequate! I knew the technology was advancing, but I hadn't had the time to sit down and teach myself DHTML, or Flash or CSS or any of it and I *knew* I was behind the times when it comes to web design, but seeing all of that, it really hit home. I felt like a little dick guy at big dick contest. Back when I learned HTML, I didn't have a job. I was young, visiting my parents for a month and spending all night on the computer; it was the first year I had gotten online. I taught myself the basics of HTML, enough to have my first webpage done, in roughly 12 hours (straight - no breaks). But in not making the time in my now busy and hectic adult life, I've fallen seriously behind. How can I call myself a web designer when I all I can do is write HTML like it's my second language and know the very, very basics of CSS? For the first time in a long time, I had an idea for a site in my head that I didn't have the know-how to sit and make come to life on the screen. And I can't stand that. So no more fucking around - it's time to learn all of these new-fangled design styles & techniques once and for all; I won't stop 'til I'm a master of each one. No more excuses - and I won't call myself a designer again 'til I'm done, and learned!!

I'm absolutely too tweaked out to be posting anymore. I'm making no sense - all gibberish and my hands are shaking like there's an earthquake. No more coffee! Coffee is BAD!


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 6:24 AM
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Thursday, April 15, 2004

So this bitch has fueled my anger enough for me to post again today. She claims to be "fat" yet "fit" - yet somehow, dumbshit, manages to sprain her ASS CHEEK (excuse me, her "right gluteus") walking up some "not-to-code" stairs.

There are obviously, right off, a thousand different things I could say about this. But do I even have to? How in the fucking hell do you sprain your ASS CHEEK right gluteus??

But, no, I'm not angry at this woman because she sprang her butt. I could give two shits about her supposedly fit fat ass pulling a tendon that doesn't even exist nor am I going to argue the finer points of in-code stairs (which I know more about than she, trust me). No I am really riled up at this woman's rump-pulling post after reading that she had her doctor and her supervisor at work approve her fit, fat lazy ass for "light duty" - because of her yanked bottom.

Light duty? Light motherfucking duty??? She's getting light duty at work because she hurt her ass??????? But what can you expect from someone that has the impudence to walk around her office with ice packs strapped to her derriere?

Why does this enrage me so? For the same goddamn reason that I boil over when I see healthy, able bodies parking in the handicap spots, the same reason that I'd like to throttle those that live off of the government for the rest of their lives for "disabilities" that they could, if they actually tried to apply themselves, still function with!! I've been hobbling around in pain and on crutches at my job for almost two fucking years now!!! You don't see me asking for "light duty" - you don't see me trying to collect disability - you don't see me bitching about it in my blog all the time and I live with this shit every single day - every day I wake up and I go to bed, and I'm still crippled. And there is a possibility I will always and forever be this way. Does that mean the day I find out this *is* permanent I'll give up and try to collect disability? No. Does it mean I'll start asking for less work or "easier" work that doesn't involve me hobbling around the building all day or crawling under desks? No. Not no, but fucking hell no.

So when some whiny-ass goes and gets special privileges for a little pain or strain, I blow my top. What happened to being a hard worker, to putting in that extra when it came down to the rough spots? In the days of our great-grandparents, not getting up and doing the daily chores or going to work meant the difference between having food on the table or not. Period.

Light duty????

And how in the hell do you sprain your fanny on not-in-code stairs anyway? How do your sprain your ass period, regardless of the stairs? What in the fuck do the stairs have to do with it? The stairs aren't in code?? Does she even know what stairs are coded for? There's no way a not-in-code stair is going to cause you to sprain your ass. Maybe somebody's body isn't up to code - but the stairs? No. It doesn't work like that; take it from someone who's in the business of enforcing codes for stairs, ok?

The whole "light duty" thing just really ticked me. What's wrong with people? I'm so sick of the whole lot of whiny, lazy, greedy fucks that are taking up valuable oxygen on this planet. I'm out.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 12:04 PM
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Tuesday has become our unofficial "Chicken & Beer Night". Right after work we go on over to Buffalo Wild Wings and indulge in $0.30 wings and Happy Hour beer (two for one). Every friend we've brought with us so far falls in love with the Buffalo. These wings are good - the secret's in the sauce.

It ended up being just Baret and I this particular Tuesday, and we were having a jolly 'ole time guessing at the quiz game on the screen, giggling at other patrons, and discussing life, love, and the difference b/tw a nympho and "regularly-sexed" gal. It was about this time that I noticed a family come in - I assume they were a family even though it was hard to tell who was with who. A mother and a father, one teenage boy and three teenage girls - it appeared to be a birthday gathering as one girl opened a gift or two. I about fell out of my chair when I saw this group - these girls were dressed so skimpy and trashy I couldn't believe a decent parent would let them out of the house like that.

One girl, in particular, had on shorts so short you could almost see the curve of her ass - and a short, tight belly-bearing shirt. Granted she had on a jacket, but that doesn't take away from the fact that she was half-dressed and it was about 39 degrees outside. Wtf? The other two were clad in tight jeans and very low-cut and sleeveless shirts. They were dressed like young, albeit slutty, women - but even under all of the make-up and fancy costume jewelry it was evident that they were likely only 14 or 15 years of age.

I like to think if I had children, I'd be a cool parent. I'd be strict, but I'd want my child to express themselves - and I hope that I would allow some freedom in their choice of dress. But I don't think I'd be very okay with my child wanting to express themselves as some little slut. I know that even if I didn't allow them to buy or wear clothes like that and they wanted to, they'd just sneak off to their friends' houses and change there. But still. These girls, with all of their caked on make-up and barely-there clothes were completely inappropriate. And I'm not puritan by any means - but these are kids. It just didn't seem right and I had to wonder about the parents that would let their children wear such clothes.

Well, the house is officially dry and, so far, not smelly. Let's hope it stays that way.

Oh yeah - and added a new side-thingy over to the left. "technorati" - thought I'd give myself a space to share the silliest, wackiest and dumbest things I get to hear working as an i.t. tech day-to-day. As I hear 'em, I'll add 'em. Yes, they all really happened.

I've got to start my day, but I hope everyone has a pleasant one. The Moon is in Pisces, and that always denotes a good time.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 6:56 AM
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Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Two posts in one day? What's the occasion? Well, Shanna found something new to bitch about naturally. Duh.

So I get this email with phrases that people say and (supposedly) God's answer to them. I found God's answers a little...lame. I mean, he offered lots of nice sentiments but gave no good direction or advice and, as far as I know, still hasn't backed up any of his claims. "I love you" sounds nice, but is it a good answer to an honest "What should I do?" question. That's kind of a cop out.

Imagine going to your mother and saying, "Mom, I'm having trouble deciding on a college major" or "Mom, I was raped by a gang of aliens and am not sure if I should abort the hideous creature growing inside of me or not" and her answer is, "Well, I love you." Big help, Mom, thanks.

So I have taken the liberty of answering these oh-so burning questions that (apparently and according to this email) most of us ask. God may love you, but Shanna is going to give it to you straight and give you some damn direction.

The email was entitled "God Has a Positive Answer". I would like to amend that to:

God Has a Positive Answer, but Shanna Has a Better One





You Say:
"It's impossible."



God Says:
All things are possible (Luke 18:27)



Shanna Says:
All things are possible if you get off your ass and work hard enough for them.




You Say:
"I'm too tired."



God Says:
I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)



Shanna Says:
As long as you are alive you won't get enough rest, get up and get over it.




You Say:
"Nobody really loves me."



God Says:
I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34)



Shanna Says:
This is true.




You Say:
"I can't go on."



God Says:
My grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)



Shanna Says:
Go ahead and off yourself, then. The world is over-populated with greedy, whiny, lazy fucks anyway.




You Say:
"I can't figure things out."



God Says:
I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)



Shanna Says:
This is not surprising. Have you ever really tried to figure anything out with begging someone else to give you all of the answers? I didn't think so.




You Say:
"I can't do it."



God Says:
You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)



Shanna Says:
You're probably right. Please see #4.




You Say:
"I'm not able."



God Says:
I am able (2 Corinthians 9:8)



Shanna Says:
"I'm not able"? Who talks like that? You disgust me - grow a backbone and quit whining you damn loser.




You Say:
"It's not worth it."



God Says:
It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)



Shanna Says:
Nothing in this life is really worth anything. Live for the moment and do what makes you happy and proud - that's all you have to do. Remember, no matter *what* you do, you're going to die. Make sure you have fun at whatever it is you choose to do.




You Say:
"I can't forgive myself."



God Says:
I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)



Shanna Says:
It's the past and you really should let it go - did you hear what I said about dying? Yes, it happens to everyone, so live for *now* and fuck the rest of it.




You Say:
"I can't manage."



God Says:
I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)



Shanna Says:
Stop whining, stop trying and *do* - it's really as simple as that.




You Say:
"I'm afraid."



God Says:
I have not given you a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7)



Shanna Says:
Use your fear as a stepping stone to tackle new challenges. That, or get a big gun and a mean dog.




You Say:
"I'm always worried and frustrated."



God Says:
Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)



Shanna Says:
There's medication for that. I suggest you get on some...quick.




You Say:
"I don't have enough faith."



God Says:
I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)



Shanna Says:
Faith is for the weak. The only thing you need to have faith in is YOU. Then again, judging from all this whining, maybe not.




You Say:
"I'm not smart enough."



God Says:
I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)



Shanna Says:
I don't doubt that. If you feel you lack in some areas, do something about it. There are things called libraries, and schools and encyclopedias. Use them.




You Say:
"I feel all alone."



God Says:
I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)



Shanna Says:
You are and you always will be - you need to get over that too. I suggest investing in a good imaginary friend. Or a vibrator.





- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 1:09 PM
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It rained yesterday.

In my house.

Yes, after a particularly shitty and stressful Monday, I came home to a particularly shitty and stressful springtime shower in my own living room.

Really, at that point, I just had to laugh. It didn't bother me - the irony was too great. Baret got home before me and heard gushing water. He ran into the kitchen and looked in the downstairs bathroom - nothing. He hurried to the living room to see great gallons of water gushing forth...from the ceiling fan. My first thought would've been, "We're rich! Our ceiling fan makes water!" Think of the possibilites. Baret, being more mechanically-inclined than myself (and obviously not nearly as optimistic) ran upstairs to find water pouring out of the top of the toliet and onto the already one-and-a-half inch pool of water on the bathroom floor - which had seeped through the floor and was coming out of the ceiling and puddling all around the brand-new carpet and our lovely second-hand couch.

I came home to find the door swung wide open - which was odd, as it was damn cold outside. Then I noticed the couch pushed back far enough that I could see it from the open door. As I hobbled closer, optimistic thought patterns in full swing (or perhaps just my mind trying to deny the obvious), I wondered if he'd pushed the couch back and had laid out a little picnic after-work snack for us on the floor (insert derisive laughter here) - hey, it's a thought. I walked in to see soaked towels all over the floor and water still dripping...from the ceiling fan.

The landlord showed up about 5 mins after I did and promised to come back the next day to fix the toliet. Hobbling downstairs every time I had to pee last nite was a joy I'd not like to repeat. The ceiling fan will most likely have to be replaced and even though Baret spent most of the evening sucking up water with the wet/dry vac we'd rented, we worry about the inevitable mildew smell that will sneak into the brand new carpet (which will probably also buckle as it dries).

And of course, all of this has to happen when it is not only raining outside so we can't open up the house and let the warm Spring air help with the drying process, but when the temperature has dropped and is nearing 38 degrees so we can't open up the house and let the warm Spring air help with the drying process. Nice. 38 degrees in Spring? Only when Shanna and Baret's house is flooded and needs warm air so we can open it all up and save us from mildew stench.

Really, I'm not bothered by it. Work has been stressful enough that I let the little things at home just go on by without much notice. Even when, later, Baret accidentally spilled a glass of water all over my desk, my CDs and paperwork, I just laughed. Water was a prominent element in our home last nite.

So - here's to everyone having a *DRY* evening this time around!



- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 11:29 AM
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Monday, April 12, 2004

Hope everyone had a nice Easter. Mine gave me time to reflect on the fact that I'm so very lucky to come from such an open-minded (and certifiably crazy) family. Topics of conversation around the dinner table included jokes about "The Passion of Christ" and the entire resurrection in general (and we were halfway through all of that before we even realized we were making such jokes on Easter), sex and sexual astrology, gay marriages and the thought that Jesus was most likely a pot-smoking hippie. Glory, glory hallelujah.

But truly, what if I, being the gregariously open-minded and taboo-loving person that I am, came from a more conservative lot? What if "my people" were church-going, Bible-beating, gay-hating, pray-for-all-sinners-souls type of individuals? Would I still be in contact with them? More likely than not, I'd come around just to argue my point of views with them, but I daresay they'd like me very much. I am very lucky to come from such cool folks. I think of my gay friends who cannot tell their parents who they really are, and live with the fear of losing family ties because of prejudices. I've read of Pagans being shunned from Christian families because of fear and ignorance. My family may be crazy, but at least their love for me - no matter how quirky, over-the-top, or bitchy I may be - is truly unconditional. And for that, I know I am blessed.

Speaking of ignorance and prejudices, I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker a few weeks back. He's one of those who I don't normally engage in conversation with for the simpe fact that it would be pointless. When he talks about sending gay people to some deserted island because they are "freaks", for example, I just keep my mouth shut. Sure, I could stand up for my beliefs, and my friends, but what good would it do? He isn't going to listen to anything I say, and I sure as hell am not going to be swayed to his viewpoint. Usually, if gets to be too much, I will say to these types of people, "Well, you know, most of my best friends are gay." This usually shuts them up and I don't have to get into an argument that's about as productive as speaking to a brick wall. But recently I heard him complaining about music - in particular I head him say:

"Have you heard that new song out on the radio? Where they're singing about 'poo-poo'? Oh my god, that's disgusting. I can't believe what they play on the radio these days."

He rambled on for quite some time about it and then asked me, who was standing nearby, if I'd heard the song. Normally, I would just say no or yes and end it. But I said, "Oh yes, I have the album." I'm a big Outkast fan, and not ashamed of that...jeez.

He looked really shocked. "Shanna," he said. "You listen to that kind of stuff?" ("That kind of stuff" meaning "black music" - this is the South, you know)

I nodded. "Yep. I have all of their albums. They're an amazing band."

He snorted derisively, obviously thinking me nuts, and went on with, what I thought, was the most interesting statement he'd made yet. "I mean, my daughter listens to this crap. I don't want my daughter hearing stuff like that on the radio!"

And I just started laughing. Of all the things on the radio (and TV) today that I might not want my child hearing, the word 'poo-poo' is NOT high on the list. Poo-poo. The curse word before all curse words - the most vile and wicked word that one can utter. Poo-poo. Let them shit and damn and ramble on about explicit sex acts. Let them croon about thongs and big butts and skeet, chant about magic sticks and getting drunk and being a slut. It's all alright, as long as they don't sing 'poo-poo'.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 8:58 AM
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Thursday, April 08, 2004

I just want to fucking say - the next time "they" decide to go and change the dial-in procedures for field inspectors, "they" can field all of the god-damn fucking PHONE CALLS, EMAILS & NEXTEL PAGES that come en masse because nothing they set up works properly!! GRRRRRRR!!

The last three days have been nothing short of work-hell -

First they send out an email to all of our people (and not to us so we have no idea what's going on) telling them to set up a new dial-up connection. Since more than half of our people are completely computer-illiterate this caused a plethora of problems in and of itself.

Then they send another email out saying, wait, the number we gave you to use doesn't work. So I have to send an email out telling them to just hold off - don't do anything until we can get back to them.

My supervisor tells me he'll handle it and will decide what to do, as I'm busy installing new systems. The day before the old dial-ins will no longer work and I ask him about it - he tells me to type up and email with instructions and send it out. Ok, jeez, what the fuck ever.

The next day, nothing works. No one can get in. I walk into my office and my phone is ringing off the hook, my Nextel is going off every few seconds and my Inbox is filled with "I can't get in! Please help!" messages. Not only are there problems with the actual dial-in connection, there are a handful of just stupid people that couldn't follow the simple instructions. Have you ever set up a dial-up connection on a computer before? It's pretty simple - the wizard does everything for you, all you have to think about is what to type in (connection name & phone number) and we provided them with that. Takes less than two minutes. So why did it take one of our inspectors two mother-fucking hours (as he indicated in an email to his supervisor and cc'ed me) to set everything up? Two hours. To set up a dial-in connection.

So "they" realize that about half of the accounts they set up on their end are wrong/bad. They send out another list of new user names and passwords - so that even the people that could get in before still have new user info. My boss tells me yesterday morning, in the midst of all this insanity, "I have things I have to do - you are going to have to field all of these calls."

"Things he has to do" are things he should've taken care of months ago but hasn't b/c he puts things off horribly (drives me nuts). So he decides THEN that he's going to do them. So I have to field all of the insanity. Oh fuck yeah.

So this morning I come in and I have voicemails - people calling me for help before 8:00 even. "I can't get in, I can't get in." I hadn't sat down yet and my phone was ringing and my Nextel was going off. FUCK, PEOPLE!! Come to find out, the only reason most of them can't get in *this time* is because they're typing in the fucking passwords wrong. ---banging head against desk--

Between "them" (the data people), my supervisor, and the fucking asshats I'm trying to help, this has been one of the most fucked up weeks I have ever had at work. I've had to completely stop installing the new systems (something we were supposed to get done months ago, but my sup. kept putting off, and now I'm the ONLY ONE installing 70+ systems) to take care of this crap. Fuck fucking dial-up, fuck fucking supervisors who make 3x's what you do yet make YOU do all of the work, fuck fucking stupid couldn't-find-their-way-out-of-a-paper-bag-with-both-ends-cut-out users. Fuck this shit.

Ok. I feel better now. Tomorrow is fucking Good Friday and I'm so damn happy - even if it *wasn't* a holiday, I wouldn't come in. If I don't make it back here before, hope everyone has a good Easter.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:06 AM
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Tuesday, April 06, 2004

I fucking hate Daylight Savings time. Hate it - with a passion.

It's so damn unnatural and insane - throwing your body into complete chaos for at least a week (usually more) as you try to adjust. I honestly believe that you should *not* be able to get in trouble for being late to work the entire first week after a Daylight Savings time change has taken place. Because you know what? My alarm can beep all it wants as it brightly displays the time as 6am, but my body damn well knows it's only 5!


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 4:50 AM
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Monday, April 05, 2004

I've got a lot to say, and no time to say it. Don't you hate that?

Until I have the time, though, let me just jump on here for a few - let you guys know I'm still around.

Yes, I've re-established my relationship with Love; I'm once again a believer. But being around your soulmate all day can do that to you. Sometimes I think I'm the luckiest woman in the world because I know, without a doubt, that I have found my other half. How then, I'm sure you're wondering, can I question Love? Well, that can best be summed up by one of my favorite quotes "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle. I feel that I can believe in Love, yet still question it. I believe I can honestly point out its bad points and possible falsehoods, while not allowing that to diminish my true feelings on the subject.

I was so damn busy this weekend - and since last weekend I was in Monroe for its entirety - I am not doing *a thing* this one coming. I always say that, and shit always comes up. And Easter is Sunday - fuck - so I have to give up my favorite relaxation day (again). Why are we celebrating Easter, I ask myself. My family cooks and gets together every year at that time, but none of us are extremely Christian - most of us aren't at all, in fact. My mother and sister consider themselves Gnostic, my brother is an atheist, I'm the self-proclaimed Buddhist-Pagan and my Dad worships a god named Bud Light. The rest of my family couldn't give a toss, but they call themselves Christian because they, like most people, just grabbed the religious moniker they were raised with since they weren't inclined to seek out their own or really gave a damn either way. I suppose it's just a good reason to all get together and enjoy a nice, sit-down-together dinner. But surely we can make ourselves get together like that without the excuse of honoring a holiday that means nothing to any of us? I don't believe that Jesus rose from the dead on Easter day - no more than I believe any of the other 'gods' did that were said to have risen on the same day in various ancient religions. I don't get how the religious aspects of the holiday got mixed up with hiding dyed eggs and eating chocolate bunnies either. But I still celebrate Easter. I guess that goes back to the Aristotle quote given above, eh? I can be down with Easter and still not accept its reasonings for existing. It's just another excuse to get off work, get together with family, eat and drink. That's the real reason we celebrate any holiday.

Friday - we have Friday off. Oh, bless you, Good Friday.

I just started playing a game called 1602 A.D. It's sort of fun - but rather difficult (the tutorials don't teach you crap). Has anyone else ever played this game? Any pointers? It's strategy - exploring new worlds, establishing new settlements and making them grow - all the while going to war and fighting off pirates. I played it enough last nite (in a Chardonnay-haze) that I dreamed about starting new settlements and searching for islands with iron ore deposits all damn nite.

Enough rambling - lunch is over and I've got to get back to work. We've begun, excuse me, I have begun, the arduous task of installing the new computer systems here at the office. I've got about 60+ left to go. And since I'm the only one doing it, and am only able to do 2 per day, you can just about guess what my work days are going to be like for the next two months. This, along with all of the other little problems that crop up and I have to solve while I'm setting up these new computers (first time hooking up to a big network - so it's new to me), is making work anything but fun. I usually enjoy my job, but this is just...a lot. A helluva lot and I'm frustrated that I'm not getting any help with it (which is not how it was supposed to go down). But what can you do when you are one part of a two-person i.t. team taking care of over 200 systems? Not much; not much at all.

So if you only hear from me sparingly this week, that is the reason. Sorry for the senseless ramble, but I do believe it's about all my brain is capable of coming up with right now. I can't think in coherent enough sentences to write anything viable when all that's going through my head is i.p. addresses, connecting to the domain, roaming profiles, and how-long-is-this-huge-ass-file-transfer going to take? Hope everyone has a good one.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 10:45 AM
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Friday, April 02, 2004

You know what confuses the fuck out of me? Love.

Surely it's something that confounds everyone in many ways. But being the Libra-in-Venus "in love with love" hopeless romantic that I am, a great portion of my deeper thoughts are spent pondering the nuances and mysteries of Love.

Love is many things to many people - an ethereal thing that, I believe, can never be truly defined by the human mind; and only very rarely be understood by the human heart. My own beliefs about Love have run the gamut of complete belief in its trappings to bitter contempt for its pitfalls. Love is something you have to survive through - especially Love lost. When I was recovering from my first broken heart, I came up with the quote, "Love kills the weak; Love frees the strong." I still firmly believe in this saying. You have to be one extremely strong individual to handle Love - it will destroy just as surely as it will take you to the greatest heights.

Never are my feelings and thoughts on the concept of Love more on my mind than after having talked with my ex (the aforementioned first broken heart). Though it has taken years, I can honestly say I am no longer "in love" with him, and, also, am able to listen to him talk about other women without that jealous twinge. Yet there is still a pain there - and I suppose it's normal - to realize that he isn't "in love" with me anymore. We both still love one another a great deal, and are good friends. I'm not in love with him, I've moved on and found another - so why does it bother me, even though it is slight, that he has done the same? It's not a great pain or a horrible thing to deal with - just a slight, yet noticeable, ache. So I begin to try and figure out why.

I suppose it's the same thing that makes me so bitter and cynical about Love these days. I have trouble grasping the concept of all, complete, unconditional and absolute Love coming to an end. I know that it does, and can - and that everyone in our lives are there for the time they are for the lessons we are meant to learn from them. I know that just because he and I fell out of Love with each other doesn't mean Love is a lie. But it feels that way to this Libran Venus heart. All those promises to Love someone forever echo so hollow years later when that person is no longer in your life. How can one trust in anything when something as strong as the Love you felt for a particular person can...leave?

Does that mean I am correct in my assumption that "in love" is nothing more than obsession - a fading infatuation that usually peters out eventually even if two people stay together "forever"? My mind cannot get around how madly in Love I was with this man and the fact that I now am simply...not. That he was wholly in love with me and then just wasn't. What the hell is Love, then? Can it ever last "forever and ever"? Is it even real, in the ways that we believe it is? Does true and consumate Love as we see on TV and read in books and hear in songs even truly exist?

Just thoughts... have a splendid weekend.


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:05 AM
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Thursday, April 01, 2004

I suppose it's been some time in coming, and, looking back, fairly obvious that the end was near. When I began this blog, I posted every day - events in my life were thought of as "blog material" and I never ran out of ideas, thoughts or things to write about. Having a vehicle with which to express myself to the world on a daily basis was fascinating and compelling.

I know that I've admitted before I'm not one for sticking with things. It's true - I love to start out on a new paths and adventures, usually with a zest and passion quite remarkable. Then the flame fades, and I'm off to something new and exciting to rekindle my flagging interest. It's good for experiencing many things in a lifetime. It's not so good for a number of reasons; makes me look flighty and afraid of commitment, seems that I can't stick to anything, and appears that I have limited patience.

While some of that may be somewhat true, it isn't the only reasons I have. I've always led a busy life, but lately it seems to have gone from fast to absolutey (and nearly unbearably) insane. My posts have become few and far between and lacking content when they are put down. I'm not one that likes to do anything half-assed, and that would be a good summation of my attempts at blogging in the past few months.

So what I'm trying to get at, in my overly-wordy way, is that the time has come to take my leave of the blogging world. I've grown up, and past it. I will miss it, without a doubt - but not so much as I will miss the people I have come to know, and some even befriend. It's been a wild ride here at Blogger - a truly fun one that I'll always cherish. When I have the time [insert derisive laughter] I will try to pop on by the blogs I once haunted and see how everyone is doing. You may see my name pop up in a comment or two one day.

So, on a final note, and for my last farewell I have only one thing to say to all of you, dear readers and cherished friends:
Happy April Fool's Day.

Come on - you knew it all along, didn't you?


- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 4:32 AM
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