Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant


name: shanna
age: 28
sign: scorpio
live: louisiana
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Friday, April 02, 2004

You know what confuses the fuck out of me? Love.

Surely it's something that confounds everyone in many ways. But being the Libra-in-Venus "in love with love" hopeless romantic that I am, a great portion of my deeper thoughts are spent pondering the nuances and mysteries of Love.

Love is many things to many people - an ethereal thing that, I believe, can never be truly defined by the human mind; and only very rarely be understood by the human heart. My own beliefs about Love have run the gamut of complete belief in its trappings to bitter contempt for its pitfalls. Love is something you have to survive through - especially Love lost. When I was recovering from my first broken heart, I came up with the quote, "Love kills the weak; Love frees the strong." I still firmly believe in this saying. You have to be one extremely strong individual to handle Love - it will destroy just as surely as it will take you to the greatest heights.

Never are my feelings and thoughts on the concept of Love more on my mind than after having talked with my ex (the aforementioned first broken heart). Though it has taken years, I can honestly say I am no longer "in love" with him, and, also, am able to listen to him talk about other women without that jealous twinge. Yet there is still a pain there - and I suppose it's normal - to realize that he isn't "in love" with me anymore. We both still love one another a great deal, and are good friends. I'm not in love with him, I've moved on and found another - so why does it bother me, even though it is slight, that he has done the same? It's not a great pain or a horrible thing to deal with - just a slight, yet noticeable, ache. So I begin to try and figure out why.

I suppose it's the same thing that makes me so bitter and cynical about Love these days. I have trouble grasping the concept of all, complete, unconditional and absolute Love coming to an end. I know that it does, and can - and that everyone in our lives are there for the time they are for the lessons we are meant to learn from them. I know that just because he and I fell out of Love with each other doesn't mean Love is a lie. But it feels that way to this Libran Venus heart. All those promises to Love someone forever echo so hollow years later when that person is no longer in your life. How can one trust in anything when something as strong as the Love you felt for a particular person can...leave?

Does that mean I am correct in my assumption that "in love" is nothing more than obsession - a fading infatuation that usually peters out eventually even if two people stay together "forever"? My mind cannot get around how madly in Love I was with this man and the fact that I now am simply...not. That he was wholly in love with me and then just wasn't. What the hell is Love, then? Can it ever last "forever and ever"? Is it even real, in the ways that we believe it is? Does true and consumate Love as we see on TV and read in books and hear in songs even truly exist?

Just thoughts... have a splendid weekend.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:05 AM

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