Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant


name: shanna
age: 28
sign: scorpio
live: louisiana
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Tuesday, August 31, 2004

I'm getting it! I'm getting it!

A few weeks ago my boss strolled into my office to show off his "new toy" - a Pentax Optio 33L digital camera. He took it back after I drooled all over it. The main draw was the swiveling LCD screen that allowed you to take those hard-to-snap photos of yourself or you and someone else.

I've been in the market for a new digital camera as mine is now so very "old-school". 1.3 megapixels, I mean come on. So it was with much determination that I began scouring the Internet for decent prices on the Pentax Optio 33L; it would be mine.

Yesterday my boss brought in a sale paper showing a local store selling the next-model-up from his camera, a Pentax Optio 33LF; the only difference in the two that I can see so far is the LF has a viewfinder and the L did not. $199 - I calculated my bills for the month of September and realized I could get it!

So after my lunch hour today I will be the extremely proud owner of a new Pentax Optio 33LF digital camera. My new toy! All hail the Pentax gods!!

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 8:21 AM

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Honestly I thought I'd seen just about everything...

until I saw this.

Please tell me it isn't true.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 1:38 PM

Saturday, August 28, 2004

I don't have time to post - I really shouldn't be posting at all as I'm supposed to be getting ready to leave for dinner at Baret's sister's house tonight. But that's kind of been the running theme in my life as of late - trying to squeeze in things I want to do with all of the things that are piled on top of me.

I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of deadlines, anxiety, unpaid bills, the roller-coaster of recovery from my surgery, and good 'ole stress. I'm stuck in this nauseating wave of too-much-to-do-and-not-enough-time-to-do-it which leaves even less time for doing the-things-I-like-to-do-that-relax-and-destress-me. I'm sure just about every suffers from this particular conundrum in today's lightening-paced society - but I guess some people are better able to handle it.

I let myself get so stressed out this week with work, bills that are starting to come in from my hospital jaunt, family issues and arguments with Baret that I actually came to a point where I was struck completely numb. I couldn't think, couldn't function, couldn't make a decision about what to do next or what I wanted to do. By Friday all of this stress had complied on top of me - burying me in an avalanche of jittery anxiety and teetering on the verge of a panic attack. It was then that I decided it was time to start seeing my therapist again and go ahead and began trodding down the path of Those on Happy Pills. I just need something to help me cope with all of life's demands these days.

I'm someone that needs my recoupe time - and every evening this week, and the last and the one before it has been filled with either social obligations, work-at-home, or stress and fighting. I've had no time to seek refuge from my stress and it's destroying me. I need a fucking break - I need something to help me cope with non-stop train wreck my life has become. There, I said it - I'm admitting it - I NEED HELP! That's the first step, right?

In all of this stress though there has been some light - when I returned home yesterday I had email from a fraternity organization that puts out a "risk management" publication for college students around the U.S. They tackle many issues and this issue they would like to tackle self-injury; mainly cutting. It's a one-piece publication that includes a photo and resources for help along with a personal story. They read my personal self-injury story, Chronicles of a Self-Injurer and want to use it. I can't even begin to tell you what this means to me. Even more than the joy of being actually published (which is my dream), my story will reach an even wider audience and will help so many more people who are suffering from self-injury and think they are all alone. I can't tell you how many young women have emailed or IMed me after reading my site to tell me they thought they were the only ones in the world who self-injured and how much of a relief it was to them to know they weren't the only ones.

I went back and read the story, which I wrote in early 2000 at the start of my therapy and recovery for my problem; it's definitely not my best writing, but it's open and honest and I hope it will help someone.

Now I'm running late and Baret is fussing. Have a good weekend all.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 2:38 PM

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Work has been extremely stressful this week - the tension in the air is palpable and you just know at any moment someone is going to crack and start screaming. Everyone is walking around looking either panicked or grim and I honestly believe if someone were to smile the floor would open up and that person would be sucked down into hell itself for their defiance.

This distressing and rather uncomfortable environment is the product of the "BIG GALA EVENT" taking place at our building this Friday. A whole big shindig that, for me, really only boils down to having stand in the heat on a southern August day for 45 minutes and listen to a bunch of pointless drivel and political grandstanding. Attendance is mandatory and the head of our agency, *Rumplestiltskin's, raging aspiration to have everything abso-fucking-lutely perfect has just about put most of our managers and supervisors into the local mental hospital.

Which means the rest of us underlings are all walking on very sensitive eggshells. It hasn't been the most enjoyable work atmosphere, as you can well imagine.

To top it all off, Rumplestiltskin must show the building off to the public - it just wouldn't be politically beneficial not to give the public a walk-through, now would it? So everyone has been scrambling around trying to make their offices "spotless" - no papers lying around, no boxes on the floor - basically they don't want it to look like anyone actually works here. If the public walks through and thinks that all we do all day is sit and stare at our bare desks and pristine floors, then we have accomplished the goal.

The stress has gotten to the point where higher-ups are freaking out over the smallest issues - some that don't really matter to begin with. For example, yesterday evening about 10 minutes before my day was to end I was told that I had to stay behind and complete a project that my supervisor had yet to finish because IT HAD TO be done by Friday and for the BIG GALA EVENT.

It wasn't even my supervisor who told me to stay - it was my supervisor's supervisor. And what was this huge project that had such a huge bearing on the BIG GALA EVENT you may ask? Well let me tell you - we had to inventory and get rid of all extra computer equipment that was being stored in the file rooms. The file rooms that are going to be closed and locked up all day Friday. The file rooms that the public will never see. The file rooms that had to be cleaned out and cleaned up and have the floors waxed so they can look shiny and brand new and unused on Friday when the public walks through and never even sees them. Wait, I don't think you understand. The rooms that the public aren't allowed into and are going to be locked out - they had to be CLEANED and GUTTED. Thiswas SO IMPORTANT that I had to work an hour overtime to get it done because, OMFG, the-BIG-GALA-EVENT-is-in-only-two-days-and-those-file-rooms-have-all-that-stuff-in-them-that-the-public-will-never-see-but-maybe-they-have-x-ray-vision-or-something-so,-I-mean-holy-shit,-we-have-to-get-those-file-rooms-cleaned-out. Don't you understand??!

No I don't either.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 2:08 PM

Monday, August 23, 2004

Sorry for the absence; I'm doing great, though. Really hoping to graduate to a cane in the next two weeks!

***The "WTF Olympic Photo Competition" has been removed for maintenance (friggin' Yahoo! keeps moving the damn pictures around so none of the links are working correctly! GRRRRR***

While I get that little problem fixed so I can share that insanity with you, I'll give you a few more boring updates and a few more gripes. I haven't bitched in so long and damnit I miss it.

The leg is doing great - I'm working it all the time and the muscles are FINALLY starting to get strong again. I mean, you can actually *see* muscles in my right leg again, which is great since it had gotten about two times smaller than my left leg. I swim, I go the gym twice a week, I sleep in my brace at night - sometimes I spend whole lunch hours walking across the floor using a chair with wheels for support (I can do this with only one hand on the back of the chair now!).

The rest of my life is going pretty much the same, Baton Rouge drivers are still the worst in the world (and the cause of many fits of rage). They're either driving under the speed limit and swerving all over the road b/c they're on the phone, or they're pulling out in front of you or coming over into your lane with the attitude of "they'll move b/c they don't want me to hit them". A friend of mine recently got into an accident because one such moron moved into her lane - despite her horn blasts signaling that he was about to hit her. She swerved over to get out of his way and ended up rearing ending another car.

I'm about to start a new page on my website simply to document the stupidity of people. In the day-to-day world you can run into the most ignorant of individuals! For example, let me share with you this gem of a story, told to me by my sister.

Let me begin by explaining that my 22 year-old sister does not look like she's much over 18. She and my mother were shopping at a well-known grocery store chain. Mom had left the checkout line to go grab something she'd forgotten, while my sister continued to load groceries onto the conveyor belt. Upon Mom's return the cashier told her:

"It's a good thing you came back because I wasn't going to sell her that beer."

Mom just kind of shrugged that off and answered, "Oh, well, it's okay because she's 22."

To which our brilliant and most-likely high school drop-out of a cashier responded, "Yeah, but she doesn't look it so I wouldn't of sold it to her."

Now Mom was a little appalled. "You mean even if she showed you her ID you wouldn't have sold it to her?" she asked.

"I've seen fake IDs," the idiot responded.

"But it isn't fake!" my Mom said, wondering what the exact requirements were for being hired at this establishment.

The brilliant cashieress answered solemnly and with a shrug, "I still wouldn't have sold it to her."

People simply amaze me sometimes. I remember an incident that took place many years ago at a Circle-K near LSU. I went in to buy a pack of cigarettes for my then-boyfriend and myself. He smoked cheap menthols and I smoked Camel Lights religiously. The genius behind the counter told me that she could not sell me two different brands of cigarettes. When I asked her why not, she said it was "the law" because I could go out and give those other cigarettes to someone underage. She was dead serious.

The kicker was that I bought my pack and came back later with my boyfriend so that he could buy his own. She refused to sell the cigarettes to him, even though he had his driver's license stating he was of legal age, because I was with him. She still claimed that was "the law" - because then he could give the cigarettes to me who could then go and give them to that mysterious underage person that didn't exist. We almost couldn't be angry at her because she was so fucking stupid; she honestly believed she was completely in the right.

Anyways, just a little bitchin' - I'll get to working on fixing up that other post to give you guys a few chuckles.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 8:00 PM

Friday, August 13, 2004

Is it just me, or there is something wrong with this news photo? And it's not just the photo, but the headline under it. That doesn't look like Maria Yania preparing for team training, it looks like Maria Yania's tight ass being photographed by a horny photographer. Of all the shots of this woman preparing to swim, this is the one they chose? How exactly is she preparing here - by shoving her bathing suit up her crack?

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 3:07 PM

Thursday, August 05, 2004

It's 3 am and I can't sleep so I might as well share with you what I found. Today, at the Albertson's near my apartment, I found The Worst Thank You Card EVER.

I was looking for a simple thank you card to send to some friends, and picked up this (seemingly) innocent-enough looking one. A badly drawn yet colorful picture of a yard with a swingset was on the front with the words "Thank You" written in a goofy-cursive script. Normal so far as plain thank you cards go - then I opened it up to read:

"You might not burn in hell after all."

I know it was meant as a joke, but the card was so unassuming, so normal in every other way it just wasn't right. It truly seemed to be the evil note that it was pretending to be.

I should've bought it.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 1:57 AM

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