Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant
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True blue Scorpio
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June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006
Monday, November 29, 2004
Not much to say and even less time to post it, so I thought I'd share with you this piece from my website that I've put together. Shanna's Best Spam Email Titles (yes, these are all real). My comments in italics.
DOGFART SKANKS LIVE! 8376
I've gotten lots of these "dogfart skanks" ones - what IS a "dogfart skank"? Can someone enlighten me?
Make it So big she'll bleed!
I'm sure that you'll get lots of women that way - we love being ripped open.
correspond with attreactive Russian women
...that can't spell.
MAKE YOUR DICK DRAG ON THE FLOOR!
It may not do much else, but won't your friends be jealous?
RE: Your sister is in this adult flick!
That's sure going to make me click right away! Who thinks these things up?
my summer at the farm...i got pics!
Somehow I don't think these are your average, down-on-the-farm, family photos
NASTY DOGFART SLUTS TAKING IT HARD!
There's that word again
YOUNG SNOBBY CHICKS GETTING HAMMERED!
Is this some strange fetish I don't know about? Seeing "snobby" girls getting screwed??
CELEBRITY GANGBANG AND YOURE INVITED!
I guess this would depend on WHAT celebrities are involved
DRAG YOUR NEW HUGE COCK ON THE GROUND
That somehow seems painful
Where did you go? I'm all naked for you! from YummyNicole0000
Where I'd go? Where in the hell did you come from?
FREE FARM GIRLS
As opposed to those expensive ones you have to buy at Wal-Mart. This one came from someone named BIGGER_PENIS
IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS, YOUR DUMB
Even dumber than the person who doesn't know the correct usage of the words "your" and "you're"?
Super Blue Stuff Pain Relief - On Sale Today!
For some reason, I think I'd be better off in pain.
RIP HER APART WITH A MONSTER PRICK!
I'M NAKED NUDE AND LIVE FOR FREE!
Naked and nude? What are the chances??
Earnest's nude pics! OMG!
OMG - the idea of someone named Earnest in the buff scares me; what about you?
Touch my hole
Um, no - ugh
WATCH ME RIPPED APART ON MY WEBCAM!
For the murder enthusiast
Russian Women Won't Take You For Granted
So order one for your home today
Mike, here’s my Viagra guy
Take me to your dealer.
HI :) I NEED IT IN THE ASS
Now there's a greeting
dick slurping young ones
Young what? Aliens? Hippopotamus? Amoebas?
Lezbos go for the pussy licking award
Isn't that right after Miss America?
Real Woman ready to cheat
...and so desperate she has to find a partner to do so with online. Sounds like a winner.
I am moving tomorrow
You are?! Oh - I'll miss you SO MUCH! Wait - who in the hell are you?
yes.. .I am still a virgin
And yes, I still don't care.
Fw: Incoennt Psortitute Rimming
Also included - the most atrocious spelling you'll ever witness!
Reply: Awmseoe Fucking Caroton Wrehos
Notice they spelled 'fucking' right.
Re: Hot Hi Roeslution Dlownoadable Movies
I am convinced that they're hiring 6 year-olds from impoverished countries to type this shit out.
Do My Mom!
No, you pervert.
FW: Mature Moms wants a date
They're so much better than those immature Moms.
Christian Singles with Christian Principles
Because it's totally Christian to look for sex on singles' sites.
Re: Hot Woman Poohts
Am I correct in assuming that this email is offering me hot farts?
annnnnall girrrlss datttttinnnnngg siitttee
Who knew stuttering was evident in typing?
My Friend's Mom Fucked On This...
That's just great - thanks for sharing.
parking lot philosophers
How does one become one of these exactly?
bro - enhance your security
Like, totally, bro'. This security shit is da bomb - some p-h-a-t ass shit, ya hear me?
wahts for my brihtday?
"Spelling for Dummies"?
I have this feet problem
And this is supposed to make me want to open this email?
Poke her from the next room
With a super-massive-long-FINGER!
Soft at incredibly low prices
Great because soft is getting entirely too expensive these days.
WOW My Dick IS Huge
Good for you.
Your aunt needs this
How'd you know? She's been looking for 'this' for YEARS now!
Why aren't you Par Wilkie?
Well, fuck, why aren't you Brad Pitt? We could be having a lot more fun right now if you were.
Fire hydrant 8 fetishes
And I thought I was the only one with a fetish for fire hydrants.
We owe you $824425
Are you sure about that amount? I could've sworn it was $825324.
Increase your Dick weight
Because everyone knows its
I fianally lost my cherry
And the spelling bee!
Respectable fedora hat
Because heaven forbid you walk out of the house in one of those *unrespectable* ones!
2 hrs/day can = $20,113/month
And I bet you've got a big, golden-ish bridge to sell me, too, right?
My sister is still a virgin.
How do you know & why do I care?
2 dicks in her butt
Because two is better than one.
Self Inflicted Financial Wounds
I do it to myself every time.
only you can prevent lard on your arse
After getting sick of fire prevention, Smokey moved on to the prevention of Ass Lard.
Claim your Free Barbeque
Pit? Meal? Sauce?
Re: Hot Teen Ejnoying Huge Dick
Um, isn't that illegal?
D0 YOU WANT Y0UR PEN|S TO BE HARD AlI THE TIME?
I'm not sure I really see the advantages of this.
Let us match you with a REAL person!
Drat, I was really looking to be paired up with a Sasquatch or an alien.
I love getting filled with sperm
Next time please just say 'I like to get fucked'.
Stupid Amateur Tenes Ejaculation video
Nothing quite turns me on like 'stupid' people.
Christian Debt Network – Saving families from debt.
But only Christian ones. The rest of you heathens can burn in hell with your debt.
Jesus Wants You to Save.
He loves you that much. This came from Christain Mortgage USA.
Be careful of downloading music files
But be sure to open this unsolicited and possibly virus-ridden email.
Passion should last forever
This came from "New Blue Pill". Passion in pill form - I personally prefer to take it in liquid.
FW: Stupid Amateur Girl Aweomse Fisting
Because no one can fist like stupid amateurs.
Looking for Quality Christian Singles?
Too bad you won't find them here.
If you love her you'll look
Nothing says I love you like opening spam emails.
You can be smart!
But you negate that the second you open this email.
even if you suck at paying your bills, we can get you a mortgage
I definitely want to deal with a company that uses the word "sucks" in its advertising, don't you?
Dripping Lady In Need for C0Ck!
Sounds to me like she's in need of a towel.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
A very Happy, Safe & Stress-Free Thanksgiving to each & every one of you and your loved ones.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
With the good comes the bad - or, as I prefer to say it, with the sweets comes the sour. But if you don't have one, how could you ever appreciate the other? Personally I love to mix sweet & sour - how about you?
I know, I know, wtf am I babbling about?! It's been a rough week, friends (and it's only Wednesday). I'll be honest with you here - though I've been trying to decide if I was going to
I want to first thank you all for you concern - those that commented here asking after me and those that sent concerned emails during my prolonged absence. It's so nice to know there are people who, even though I've never met them in the flesh, truly care about my well-being.
I won't go into the reasons I slipped up; it's not really worth it. What's done is done. It isn't bad, and it likely won't even scar so don't think I was over here hacking at myself like a mad woman as in days of yore.
The sweet of this seeming-bowl-of-lemons is that today I feel better. Not because I cut, but just because I do. I don't know why I've been so depressed and I don't know why I woke up feeling a little better today than I did the day before. That's just the way of my psyche. Maybe it's the holiday tomorrow - I enjoy the chance to get together with my family. Maybe it's the break in the overcast, dreariness that has been our permanent weather for going on two weeks. Maybe it's because there's finally a cool snap rather than the tepid and sticky humidity that has been hanging heavily in the air. Perhaps because Baret and I had a huge fight last night which ended in an amazing make-up and opening up to each other that brought us much, much closer. Whatever the reason, for the first time in many days, I'm happy to be alive. I'm not yet overjoyed at the prospect, but you've got to start somewhere. If I can make it back to the giddy joy that I felt a few weeks ago - loving life and being in high spirits every single day - I'll be most content.
So enough of all that. Today is a new day - a fresh, clean slate. I want to wish every single one of you and yours a very blessed and Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all gorge yourselves on turkey, green bean casserole, rice dressing and booty bread. I hope you share a million laughs with your loved ones and fall asleep tomorrow night full, happy and content.
In closing, I'd like to hear from all of you - tell me, on the eve of Turkey Day - what are you thankful for?
Monday, November 22, 2004
I still exist. Not much else to say to that. Not in the brighest of moods. But, as the old saying goes, "this too shall pass".
Thought I'd leave you with a little fun in my absence - which could end a week from now or tonight or right now!
Stick your blog/page in there and have a snicker. I know Rose will enjoy the "Hacker" one 'cause she's 733t like that.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
I've been a naughty girl.
Reading Dooce's memories of suffering through anorexia & how she's doing now with it gave me an urge to get some thoughts out about my cutting - and my almost-slip-up.
The other day I almost cut myself. I came so very close that at the end of the evening I shamefully handed Baret my almost-instrument-of-destruction.
"Here," I told him. "I've had this hidden for some time now. I never planned to use it. It just makes me feel good to have them hidden around the house, but I'm giving it to you now to punish myself for coming so close to screwing up and slipping back."
He didn't understand, but he took it and gave me a hug. He tries.
Yes, I have blades hidden around my house. Like an old boozer who has liquor bottles stashed away "just in case" the urge should ever overcome him - just so he can sneak off and have "just one sip" if life becomes too much. They are usually plastic pink disposable razors that I have painstakingly altered - the front pieces of plastic are ripped to expose the blade, the blade is usually darkened from my "cleansing" it with a flame. It's something I used to do countless times to ensure I had an ever-ready blade, or in the moments just before I cut when I had nothing else to use. That may sound bad, but it was better than when I had none and got desperate and switched to the serrated knives in the kitchen.
That sounds terrible - seeing it on the page like that I'm thinking, "I cannot fucking POST that on the Internet. What will they think about me?" But it's a part of me - it's something I did and it's something I will struggle with for the rest of my life. I can't run from it. People that know me in person actually see my handiwork (my scars) and that's much worse than reading about it. I know what they think - I know no one can imagine purposefully hurting themselves; especially so viciously. But I try to remind myself that people also can't understand drinking one's self into an early grave, being unable to stop taking copious amounts of harmful drugs, or even making themselves throw up every time they eat. I don't need them to understand it - I just need them to know I'm not that different than them; I just have a more fucked-up way of coping with my problems.
So why did I almost cut? What was so devastating that I almost slipped back into the "dark side"? You're going to laugh. There was a kitten I'd met and bonded with at a friend's house a few weeks ago. I got a phone call wherein I was told said kitten had been hit by a car and was paralyzed from the waist down; otherwise it was fine. Would I take it? Otherwise it was going to be put to sleep. Can you imagine how that made me feel? Crippled-ass me who has been on crutches for two years, a cane for almost 6 mos now and who will NEVER walk right again???? They were going to kill her because she couldn't walk. I was overwhelmed with hurt and sadness and the weighty decision over whether I could take on such a responsibility. I wanted to, with all my heart, but could I? Baret was against it and since we do share a home and my current disability puts much more burden on him to get household chores done, his say was a huge one. I was so extremely torn. I have the largest soft spot for animals. My fellow man can be damned - I'd just as soon off one for driving stupidly - but I tear up at even the sight of a kitten. My mind was literally in a state of turmoil and chaos and I couldn't handle it. I knew that cutting would calm me - it would still me enough that I could make sense of everything and make the correct decision. I also knew that wasn't the answer, but it was such a tempting one! I went into the bathroom under the premise of getting ready for work, but Baret tried to follow me in there. He knew. I quickly got my pink plastic encrusted blade out from its hiding place and stuffed it in my robe pocket. I left the bathroom and told him I was okay. I was going to wait until he went to take a shower. Part of me was hurt he'd even leave me alone in such a state - didn't he know what I was capable of?
But in the end I didn't do it. Reason somehow won out - perhaps its just years of self-therapy, and real therapy and medication and learning how to deal with my "manic-depressive" self - but I didn't do it. That evening I handed the blade to Baret. Letting go of my "security blanket" was hard, but I wanted to punish myself. I'll likely make another and hide it away anyway, if I know me. But for the moment it was shameful to confess that I'd had it and that I'd almost done it - so that was what I did.
This is a battle I fight every day - even if some days I never get the urge to cut, the thought and the desire is always in the back of my head. I've gotten better - I can now safely collect daggers (something I've always wanted to do) without fear of using them on myself (I would *never* use my two beautiful daggers to cause myself harm - I made a very serious pact with myself and have found no problems upholding it). My first instinct when I get upset is not to cut (unless I'm *very* upset and then it still is, but it's all work-in-progress). I know you can't understand it - I know you think I'm crazy - I know my scars scare you. But just remember that under these battle scars is another human being who isn't that different from yourself.
It wasn't easy to write all of this down for people to read - especially people whose opinions and thoughts I respect & value as I do each & every one of you who comes here faithfully to read my babble. Thank you for your time - for listening - and for at least trying to understand. I've only ever blogged for me, but you guys make the experience all the more rewarding.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Rose - I LOVE YOU!!!
Thanks a million times over for my super-awesome-birthday-present-header-graphic. It is SO me and I SO love it!
Thank you - thank you - thank you. That you took the time to pick out all of those little quotes & self-descriptions really means *so* much. I'm so lucky to have such a special & thoughtful friend.
Last year around this time you might remember me posting about an editorial that appeared in a small rag, "The Westside Shopper" in my native parish. The post listed this gem that some bright individual had sent in:
Time To Take A Stand
It's that time of year again when evil tries to rear its ugly head and duly influence our children by trying to take their souls. That's right, I'm talking about Halloween, the one night of the year we give free reign to the Devil. Even good Christians give free reign to this holiday and dress their children in ghoulish costumes. What is wrong with you people? Unless we take a stand against Halloween, the day will come when Lucifer himself will rule this country. That day is almost here - look at the evil all around you people.
So it was with much delight that my sister sent me another installment of "Southern Religious Nuts Show Their Intelligence".
Maybe Now they'll ban it...
I'm really disgusted that we celebrated Halloween on a Sunday. Now that Bush has a second term in office, we will establish some real values in this country. I hope people enjoyed Halloween, because next year I'll make sure we don't have it. I know Bush will work to ban it. As for birthdays, forget about that self-glorification. America, it's a new day: we can finally name our country "the new Zion". As for oil, polluting the water and cleaning up this parish, nobody needs to worry any more. When the Second Coming occurs, everything will be restored to its original, holy cleanliness. And it will happen soon. Rejoice."
As my sister so perfectly put it:
"I'm really gonna miss my birthday in Feb. you are so lucky
you just got yours in after the election and before the Second Coming.
And I can't resist pointing out to you Bush-supporters that these are the kind of people you're lumped in with. Sorry about that.
Here's my response:
Seriously, if we can't have birthdays in the New Zion, I'm buying the first ticket to Hell.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Sony Has Always Sucked
Sony and I have never gotten along. When I was young, anything made by Sony that I purchased would inevitably break within a few days or not work at all. Small radios, headphones, and the like. I'm so very serious about this - I even once bought a package of Sony blank cassette tapes - AND NONE OF THEM WORKED! Couldn't record a thing on any of them.
So I've never liked Sony. Ever. So it should not surprise me when, at the launch of one of my favorite games, they'd bend all of us dedicated and supportive fans over the table and stick their greedy dicks in places they don't belong (and without proper lubrication, mind you).
Anyone who knows me, knows I love Everquest. I've got a a site dedicated to my characters and even an Everquest blog (and if you didn't know, now you do). I honestly don't play as much as I used to, and even then Baret and I's EQ marathons were confined to lazy Sundays with nothing better to do. We've had accounts since 2001, when it was only $9.95/mo to play - we've stuck it out with EQ through thick and thin all for the love of the game. The account price went to $11.95/mo and we were there. We bought every single expansion pack that Sony spewed out - even when towards the end we knew they were only being put out to line Sony's pockets, not for the fans. If an expansion pack came with a little something extra, we spent the extra money.
So it was with no qualms that we pre-ordered Everquest II back in early September so that we could get the "bonus stuff" and a collector's tin. I hate Sony - so why was I surprised when launch date, November 9, rolled around and the UPS man was not at our door with our new game.
We hadn't received an email telling us anything - in fact, last we'd heard everything was moving along smoothly and our order was going to be shipped on time. I got on the official site and after much searching, I found the answer in a forum member's post (a shame that's how I had to learn what was going on) - the "excuse" was that there was some "problem" with the collector's edition tins going through customs.
An hour later I'd called Best Buy down the road and asked if they had any copies of EQII still in the store. We planned to just buy the regular game, cancel our order and upgrade to the Collector's Edition at a later time (which you could do).
The girl answered in a monotone: "Best Buy, how can I help you?"
I asked if she had any copies left in the store.
She got very excited: Oh my GOD - we have, like, SO many of them. There's a CD version and a, um, DVD version and then there's a, uhhh, collector's-something with a tin."
Thirty minutes later we had our game. So how is it SONY had problems with customs and the tins, but none of the stores did? I wonder.
THEN I learn that Sony is only allowing you FOUR CHARACTERS. From the point of view of an alt-whore, this is unacceptable. Most MMPORG's let you have numerous characters on how-ever-many servers. The original EQ allowed you 8 characters per server. EQ II gives you four characters PERIOD - no matter which server they're on. Why would they do this? I read in the beta forums, the beta testers pleaded and begged with Sony to change this - that they explained how wrong this was to people who love playing lots of characters on online role-playing games. I read the post was 30+ pages long and contained over 900 individual posts. Sony never responded - and why? Because they plan to offer you the option to BUY more character slots with the first expansion pack. You have to BUY more character slots - something that is normally given to anyone paying a monthly fee to play on a certain game! Sony must've sat down and said, "What's something that EVERYONE - even the most casual player of our game - would buy if we added it?" Bam. Fuck you, Sony.
The game is AMAZING - and if the servers ever come back up, I'll get to playing it again. I really love it, but I'm very, very unhappy with the way Sony is handling things. There are people, like us, who have dropped literally hundreds of dollars over the years into this game. And what's the thank you? How do they show their appreciation for their loyal customers? They botch up the shipping on special edition pre-orders and then lie about their fuck-up and then they expect you to PAY to have more than four characters on a game people are used to having tons and tons of characters on various servers. It's the shitty topping on their conglomerate, greedy cake.
I love Everquest & Everquest II - I hate Sony. 'Nuff said.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
List of Awesome Birthday Presents I Received this Year:
A gorgeous, heavenly-sounding set of large wind chimes
Mad Libs 40th Anniversary Edition
A foil picture of Isis & Osiris
A scrumptious-smelling large candle
Clue the board game
A set of ceramic black canisters with silver tops for my kitchen
A set of large plastic bowls with lids in varying sizes
A hand-held mixer
A 9x13" pan, casserole dish, and four serving bowls - all glass
$60 in rolled quarters
A doz. red roses delivered to work last Friday
Books (I always get lots of books):
My Life by Isadora Duncan
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being a Sex Goddess
Lemuria & Atlantis: Studying the Past to Survive the Future
(I also recommend Andrew's first book Atlantis: Insights from a Lost Civilization)
Fairie-Ality: The Fashion Collection
The Artist's Way
It was a *great* birthday! Thanks to all the well-wishes, e-cards, & nice thoughts.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
I've decided that every year on my birthday I will have this interview with myself, to see how I've changed & grown. Here's the first installment:
Nov. 6, 2004
Who are you?
I'm Shanna - no more and no less.
What religion do you practice?
I practice no religion - I don't believe in organized religion. The idea that one set of beliefs can "work" for a mass amount of people is silly to me. People are so diversified and unique - it's like "heaven" being the exact same place for every one person. Impossible! How can my heaven and your heaven be the same? My heaven might include sipping Chardonnay under an impossibly ancient oak and having conversations of centuries past with it while watching Def Leppard perform for me 24/7 a few feet away. Obviously that is not going to be everyone's idea of heaven. I think it's the same with religion. My "religion" changes every day - as do my ideas and opinions. I take from countless traditions and build my own. I think religion is a very personal thing. Your beliefs really should be reflected in the way you live your life - that's the true statement of your "religion".
Are you in love with yourself?
Do you trust yourself?
No. I trust no one and I trust myself even less than that. That may sound odd, but think about it - we lie to ourselves all the time. I, personally, have and do cause grievous bodily harm to myself in the form of blades, narcotics, alcohol, and fast food. I force myself to exist on a limited energy, unhealthy food, and no "relax" time for body, mind or spirit. The worst thing you can do is trust someone - that causes expectations and it's hard to just go-with-the-flow when you have those hanging on everyone and everything.
Name one thing you'd like to accomplish before your next birthday.
I'd like to learn to knit & crochet. I'm of the opinion that one can never have too many hats & scarves, and I would love to be able to make my own. I love sweaters, too, so it just makes sense. I'd also love to incorporate making afghans back into the family, as my grandmother and great-grandmother both did so.
Where do you hope you'll be a year from now?
Right where I am, though a bit wiser, with a raise, another cat joined to the household, and knitting my own scarves. I would also like to be walking without a cane by that time.
What was your biggest accomplishment since your last birthday?
Getting off the crutches!! I'm also so very proud of getting published, but that was kind of effortless on my part.
End with two quotes; one that sums up last year & one that reflects your wishes for the upcoming one:
"Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves."
- Henry David Thoreau
"A man can know nothing of mankind without knowing something of himself. Self-knowledge is the property of that man whose passions have their full-play, but who ponders over their results."
- Benjamin Disraeli
The day is here!
At 10:53am it will be official - I've been gracing this Earth with my awesome, funky presence for exactly 27 years!
Happy Birthday to Me!
Friday, November 05, 2004
I'm listening to one of my most-favorite CDs right now - it's actually this very eclectic mix made by my good friend, Miss G (if ya nasty). Miss G, along with my best friend since time immemorial, Miss B, make absolutely the BEST mix CDs ever. Seriously - they should market this shit.
This particular Miss G mix, "Donkey Show 2" jumps around from the Pet Shop Boys, PM Dawn, Shea Seger, The Eagles, India Aire, Tom Petty and even Beyonce. Some of the artists I don't know but every song is great - except for "Bootylicious". I like the song, per se and to an extent - you don't hang out with a bevy of gay men and not learn to yearn to dance to the likes of Beyonce, Madonna, and even Britney Spears on occasion. It's just that I have to change it when she gets to the "you're not ready for this jelly..." part. I cannot get my mind around this lyric - it's so gross and weird sounding. Not ready for this jelly? Jelly? Apparently I am not.
Today is my Birthday Eve!! That's right, tomorrow is the big day! My birthday present to myself this year is that I'm going to teach myself to knit, and eventually crochet. I've been wanting to do so for years, but I'm really going to do it now. Any birthday money that I get I'm going to spend on my first set of supplies (needles, yarn, etc.) I've already found a good starter site and I'm just going to dive right in! Any ideas/thoughts/suggestions from any knitters would be appreciated!
I'm going to be 27 - I'm very excited about that. Also, my Moon moves into its native sign 53 minutes before my actual time of birth. I don't know if it's like that for everyone at the age of 27, but I know another person who turned 27 this year who's Moon went into its native sign on his birthday. Could be why important things seem to happen in a person's life at 27. 2+7=9 and numerologically speaking 9 is an important number for growth and change.
We are definitely going to Renaissance next weekend. I did not get my dress as I so hoped I would and may just grab something there. I know it's going to cost me dearly to do it that way, but it's important to me. I vowed to myself I'd return this year walking and I'M DOING IT! I promised myself if I did so I'd get a lovely Renaissance dress to walk around in, and I plan to honor my oath to myself.
Did I mention that my birthday is tomorrow??
NOW, I'm off to get some more work done on my Nano-novel. I'm behind - but I am up to 2,410 words; better than last count of, what, ten??
Thursday, November 04, 2004
It seems that Baton Rouge drivers wait to show their asses the most when I'm PMSing. I believe it is some great conspiracy - all Baton Rougeans plotting and planning to drive their absolute worse at the time of Shanna's bitchiest time of the month. I'll get you all back one day - just you wait!
So I turned left onto a street in the small subdivision I live off of. I saw a woman coming, but she was far away, even though she was driving in my lane.
People always park their cars on the side of the street here - always. For some reason, some people (like the lady this morning) think that means they have to drive completely in the other lane to avoid passing even the slightest bit by the parked cars. It makes no sense to me, really.
So I'm coming along, and obviously the light was in her eyes because I could clearly see her trying to shield them with one hand. She sees me coming, swerves back over in her own lane (where she should've been in the first place, thank you) and then...then...the fucking bitch honked at ME! She honked at me as if to say "Get out of my way!" She was in MY lane! She was driving on the WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!! And SHE honked at ME!! Where, pray tell, was I supposed to go??! How DARE I make her drive on the correct side of the road - close to those cars that aren't even that much on the road to BEGIN WITH!! The audacity of me, driving down the road in the correct lane! What in the hell is wrong with me?
Stupid. Fucking. Bitch.
And I'm the one who gets hit at the polls. Asshats like that never get into accidents.
What a lovely way to start the day.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Remember the old days when we went and voted and at the end of the day we had a new president?
So it's probably Bush, but it might be Kerry, but it's most likely Bush but there's still a chance it could be Kerry.
Nothing like solidarity, huh? No, there's nothing quite like not having your shit together for the whole world to witness.
I got so tired of hearing reporters talk and banter and try to stir up interesting things to say that I almost put the TV on mute to watch the election results. If it hadn't been for Dan Rather's dry, where-in-the-hell-did-he-come-up-with-that-shit quips, the night would've been unbearable.
A few of my favorite gems:
"I wouldn't bet the doublewide on it."
"...thinner than turnip soup."
And my absolute personal fave, which actually sent Mr. Rather himself into guffaws:
"If a toad had side pockets he'd carry a handgun."
HUH? I don't know what Dan is smoking, but I want some. I know I'm not hip to anything political or news-related, but does that statement make sense to anyone??
I seriously haven't forgotten to post about my Halloween festivities, but all of this election brouhaha and fender-bender mess has kind of stuck the Halloween-horrors on the backburner.
Also you should know that it's only THREE DAYS AWAY from my birthday!! Happy-3-days-away-birthday to me.
For those of you worried about Stella, she's fine. She got me to work with no problems today and is at this very moment regaling every other car in the agency's parking lot with her exciting bleeding-for-our-country tale. Oh yeah, she's milking this for all she can. I love that bitch.
One of my favorite quotes goes thus:
"My mother always said I'd never amount to anything because I procrastinate. I told her, 'Just wait.'"
So it's not an excuse, but it is a reason why I haven't added anything to my Nanowrimo novel-in-progress. I promised myself I'd get at least 100 words down today, so we'll see how that goes. What can I say? I suffer from acute lethargic deference, also known as lazy procrastination.
Happy Hump Day...
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
(Necessary prep info, Stella is my '97 Mazda Miata, my BABY!)
Mother Liberty asked Stella, "Little Miata, how much do you love your country?"
"THIS MUCH," Stella answered.
That's right, folks, how many people can say their car bled for America?
The funny thing is, as I was pulling out of my driveway, I had a thought flash throug my head. It said: "Something interesting is going to happen at the polls. I feel it." Somehow I knew it would be blogworthy. I didn't know it would be another-dent-in-my-car-worthy.
This was not a case of some idiot driver talking on a cell phone. Seriously the parking lot at the polls was a CLUSTERFUCK! People were parking across the street, all over the grass and, of course, right in the middle of the lanes people needed to get in and out. Gotta love those Baton Rouge drivers.
I'd spent a good 5 minutes just trying to maneuver my way out of this maze of clusterfucky cars and was almost out - an egg-shell blue minivan was in front of me trying to turn right back out onto the road. I was stuck behind it when I noticed the large black SUV to my right's backing lights come on.
"Oh shit," I thought and laid on the horn. He kept coming until the sound of the satisfying crunch blended in a beautiful cacophony with my blaring horn.
We got out and I suggested we drive to the parking lot across the street - as we were holding up the clusterfucky traffic. He was a very nice old man and I was very courteous - it was partly my fault I suppose when you consider that my car sat completely under his back window - he couldn't have seen me. One of the downfalls of having a Miata. I doubt the horn, in all of the other traffic-messes going on, really drew any attention either.
All I've got to say is this:
KERRY BETTER FUCKING WIN!!
Please - go vote (for Kerry) - so Stella will not have bled in vain!
Monday, November 01, 2004
Because I'm an idiot and/or a glutton for punishment (you decide), I have decided to take a stab at the Nanowrimo thing (National Novel Writing Month). Your goal is to write a 50,000 word novel by the end of November.
I love the idea - and am hoping to use it to banish my fear of writing an entire "novel" or "book". Whenever the idea of writing something that long enters my mind, I generally feel very overwhelmed. How do I put it all together? What if I run out of ideas? How can you write an ENTIRE novel?? But I figure if Pamela Anderson can write one, it can't be all that hard.
I'd appreciate your thoughts on the story-in-progress which you can find at Shanna's Nanowrimo Novel - The Art of Dying. There's not much there yet, but keep checking back.
Just 49,609 words to go!
Halloween was a blast - I promise pictures and stories next post!