Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant


name: shanna
age: 28
sign: scorpio
live: louisiana
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Friday, December 03, 2004

I just finished reading an amazing book called "speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson. My sister urged me to read it after having to do so herself for a college class. She told me that the book is banned in a few schools and is on the PABBIS list of "no-nos".

It angered me to think that parents are banning their children from reading this book. I can't imagine why - the subject matter? The main character's dark cynicism? My sister said one of the things quoted as being "inappropriate" was the protagonist facing the demon that haunted her throughout the book and finally coming to the realization that she would survive.

This is inappropriate reading? You know, its parents like these that cause kids to go over the edge when something traumatic happens to them! Its these very parents that cause teens-in-trouble to get themselves in even more trouble just to avoid having to go to their parents with their problem!

That's just how I feel about it.

Watch out because here comes a heavy dose of Grinchiness, but I am so hating the holidays right now. Its non-stop visiting and partying every weekend and damnit, weekends are when I RELAX! I'm forced to be social eight hours a day/five days a week with people I normally wouldn't interact with. I don't want to spend every single weekend forcing a smile and barfing up mind-numbing drivel at party after party after party. It's not that I'm anti-social - quite the opposite - I love my friends and I love hanging out with them and we do so at least every two weeks or so (busy schedules permitting). But I need my recoupe time; I need my breath of fresh air away from people. I need to be by myself, talk with just myself, do the things that I like to do alone. I am not one of those people that is afraid to be alone or needs to surround myself with a gaggle of bodies or needs a man to feel complete in life. I enjoy my solitude, I enjoy having nothing to do but what I feel like doing (even if that's nothing more than lying in bed with a good book all day). I'm a hermit-at-heart, truth be told. I don't mind the occasional social gathering, but when it's every day of every weekend with no end in sight until the-day-celebrated-as-Jesus'-birthday-even-though-it-isn't is over. Is that horrible of me?

In other thoughts, my recently-married friends with two kids called last night and asked what we were doing this weekend. I told them there was a laidback, TGIF, ordering-out-for-pizza party at my pad tonight and they were certainly invited. "Could we bring the kids?" they asked. This is one of my main fears about having kids. Other than these two, none of my friends are married or burdened with children. That sounds wrong - please, readers & friends, do not think I mean to imply anything negative about those of you that DO have children; it just isn't something I personally desire in my life, nor do my friends, so to us, personally, it would be a "burden". I have the utmost respect for someone that decides to share their life with a child - it is not an easy thing by any means! Anyway, my friends, along with Baret and myself, are of the "never marry, never have kids" genre. This doesn't mean we never will (life likes to play tricks like that) - but for now, it isn't something we want or are planning for. We like to have fun and party whenever we want to do so. Yes, it's selfish - but I'm admitting it. It would be much more selfish to have a child and continue to party and cater to my own desires. But I felt sorry for my friends-with-kids in that moment. I had to tell them no. And it's not that I mind the kids in question - they're my godchildren and the coolest two kids IN THE WORLD - no ifs, ands, or buts about it. But my friends are not PG, not even PG-13 for that matter, and are not used to censoring themselves. Everything is about sex or something very un-pc, and there's been spontaneous strip poker games known to just pop up at any given time. Not the kind of party you bring your kids to, in other words. They were able to find a babysitter and are going to come anyway, which I'm glad for, but I wondered how I would feel having to put my life on hold like that all of the time and just thanked the gods that I've been blessed with being childless so far.

I know that's kind of taboo in our society. When I tell people I don't want kids, they look at me like I've got a two-fingered hand growing out of my forehead. Then they chuckle and shake their heads as if I'm just-ig'nant-that's-all, and say, "Someday you'll change your mind." Well, what if I don't? And you should see the looks I get when I say I don't want to get married - that it isn't a goal for me and not something I'm looking for. You'd then think I had skin-sculpture of Barbara Streisand singing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" growing out of my forehead. Why is that so weird? I think there are a lot of people in my age group that are chucking the "traditional" societal norms of settling down and adding to the population as soon as humanely possible. Why are we all expected to settle down with one mate and have many children? Me? I'd rather have many mates and no children - doesn't that sound more fun? But seriously, times are changing and I, for one, am proud to be part of the non-married, no-kids crowd (clear forehead and all). I respect people that take the plunge, I'm just not into diving.

There's no point to any of this - I'm just rambling. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend that isn't over-wrought with too-many-Christmas-parties! I'd like to sleep in JUST ONCE this month!

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:29 AM

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