Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant
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True blue Scorpio
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Friday, December 17, 2004
So I'm hold for Dell Tech Support, and the hold music, which is usually generic elevator or John Denver-ish light rock, begins to play. I mute my own music and listen to this loud and obnoxious noise coming from my speakerphone. It was N'Sync or Backstreet Boys or one of those boy bands I-don't-know-because-they-all-sound-the-same-to-me. If it was new or old, I also don't know, because I've been boycotting local radio for a number of years now. Who or whatever it was, it was still very strange hold music as the lyrics went something along the lines of:
"...if you really like it hot, I can hit the spot...if you want it good, girl, get yourself a bad boy..."
I'd expect them to be playing some awful renditions of Christmas carols or a Phil Collins love song, but not something you'd hear blaring out of an 11 year-old's bedroom. And it was so loud - I had to take it off of speaker for the fear that someone would open my office door and everyone in the vicinity would think I listened to
And speaking of inappropriateness, every day on my drive to work I pass a large assisted living facility. It's very nice, and I'm sure is something only the wealthy elderly or their rich children could afford. Whatever the case, the past few weeks I have been very disturbed to see this advertisement printed on a large red sign in front of the building (and right next to the road):
"Give a gift to yourself and your loved ones this year: Make Name-of-Facility Assisted Living your family member's home".
Couldn't this have been worded a bit differently? Let's look at what this ad is really saying:
- Make Christmas special by getting rid of the burden that is Grandma.
- Experience the holidays without Uncle Charlie's repetitive 'Nam stories & noxious farts.
- Remind Dad how much his aging is a pain in the ass for you by sticking him in a home for Christmas.
- Tired of changing Mom's diapers? Give yourself the gift of someone else doing the dirty work.
Give yourself a gift? By putting your elderly family member in a home? Someone in the marketing department should be going without a Christmas bonus, methinks.
And to end this second-Friday-post, I nabbed Rose's Religion Creator post. Really, who doesn't want to create their own religion? Try it. This is mine:
From the most serendipitous regions of the spiritual plane, I have channeled the disembodied spirit of Edgar Allen Poe, bringing to you the wisdom and pithiness of the lost city of New Orleans. To usher in the New Age of rapscallions you must heed my words and importune zealously. The time is soon when the space Miatas of our galactic cousins will return and our collective gregariousness will reach critical mass. The highest frequencies of the universe will spiral through the left pinky toe chakras of the worthy, and our 3rd belly button shall be opened. But first we must look deep inside and accept our inner flock. We must feel the inner flock, become the inner flock, cognize it as though it was a beer can. We must accept our karmic past, and, as our yogi master, Shanna, always says 'The true form of a wrath is actually a sublime grape , but enlightenment is like a uncouth genius on the wind'. For there is no right or wrong, no loyalty or anti-loyalty, only one great and omnipresent cigarette.
If you remember anything from Shanna's religion, it should be this:
...cognize it as though it was a beer can and ...(there is) only one great and omnipresent cigarette. I hath spoken.