Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant


name: shanna
age: 28
sign: scorpio
live: louisiana
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Thursday, January 27, 2005

Let me tell you a tale - a tale of bad haircuts, Jesus, and fornication. A tale about being crazy being saved, letting the Holy Spirit places it shouldn't be going going to beauty school, and spreading Jesus' bad hair love.

Last night at a local chain beauty parlor I had the privilege of meeting Born Again Hairdresser. BAH looked to be in her mid-thirties with the long, permed, bleached hair w/ black roots-very-80's-hair-band-and-hairspray-look. Sadly she wasn't sporting this 'do because the 80's are back in style…it was obviously the style she's worn since the 80's. You can't fake split ends & burnt hair like that - it's a project that’s been in the works for decades.

Born Again Hairdresser was very nice and we started chatting about mundane things. I'm not sure why hairdressers feel the need to make idle chatter with you; as if it would be rude if they didn't speak to you at all. Frankly, I'd prefer it that way - but I can be pretty anti-social at times. Anyway, BAH started off innocently enough but flew in for the kill as soon as she was sure I wasn't going to kill her when she loped off into Jesus territory - or maybe she would've went there anyway; this woman felt that spreading the gospel was all she was born to do.

"I had a guy in here earlier," she told me, "He said that when he tells people he's an insurance agent, they kind of back off from him. I told him I know how he feels - that's how people react when I tell them I'm Christian."

The problem is not that BAH is Christian; the reason that people run from her is because she is a born-again Christian who wants to talk about absolutely nothing ELSE. She then proceeds to tell me that she spreads the gospel from her chair, while she does hair. I'm thinking, "you're right, there is a god, and he hates me."

She went on to tell me how she'd been saved, how Christ had been calling for her all these years, and how it was her duty to spread the gospel to everyone all the time. I'm thinking that right now I don't like her Jesus, but I listened patiently while she massacred my hair - paying more attention to her sermon spiel than the task at hand. I smiled and nodded, and ooh'ed and ahh'ed at the appropriate parts. She told me how Jesus had come into her life and changed her from a pothead, alcohol-drinking tattoo artist who *gasp* was a sinning fornicator (no, she said that) to a gospel-spreading, bad-bleached-job beautician who can't cut hair.

I literally had to bite the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing when she talked about how she'd "dabbled" in "New Age" stuff - "but it's all so hideous," she told me, looking mortified. "They teach you that you have god inside you - that you can be a god. And that's so wrong - the only way to god is through Jesus." She went on to explain that she, too, used to question how there could be so many other (and older) religions, but she knew now (because Jesus told her) that all other religions were the products of Satan trying to lure you away from the truth of Christianity. It's amazing the simplicity with which ignorance can explain something away.

Then she went off on the Catholic church - yes, she was one of those. She told me how she literally would preach to Catholics that sat in her chair and tell them they were wrong and how if they didn't leave their church and follow Jesus and Jesus-only-gosh-darnit they were going to go to hell. Methinks BAH isn't going to be working here long.

Afterwards Baret queried me as to why I didn't stand up for my own beliefs and tell her I didn't agree with her. There were a few reasons. First, she was very nice and the sad truth of the matter is, in her heart of hearts, this woman believed she was helping me - yes, it's fucked up and twisted, but she felt like she was saving my soul. Even if her ideas are wack, her heart was in the right place. Second, I felt really sorry for her. I felt sad that she had completely given her life up to something that is going to control her such as this will - that she is going to ban just about anyone who doesn't believe as she does from ever giving her a second chance at knowing her; she's right that kind of shit puts people off. It was nice that she was so happy spiritually, but I'm very against shoving my beliefs down others throats. Which is why I didn't stand up for my own at the time - besides, what difference would it have made? Had we banged heads about religion and esoteric issues, it would have been be fruitless. She sure as hell wasn't going to change my mind, and I doubt anything - no matter how logical - I said to her wasn't going to make a dent in her Jesus wall.

What I'm amazed at is that she's still working there. If she throws this shit at everyone that sits in that chair, someone, eventually, is going to complain. Unless they're all non-Catholic Christians. Considering that the vast majority of Christians down this way are Catholic, I would assume she's insulted a few people already. I can only imagine what her co-workers must think; the girl that works right next to her looked like she wanted to stab her pick comb through her ears; can you imagine how many times a night she has to hear that same insane shit?!

The result of my meeting with BAH is that I'm not born-again or saved (Evil 1, Jesus 0), I felt so sorry for this woman that I gave her a huge tip, hoping she'd use the money to move to Illinois like she'd talked about doing (Evil 1, Jesus 1), and I ended up with my very own now-in-style 80's feather 'do; which is not what I asked for. It looks something like this (Evil 1, Jesus 2). Damnit! One of these days, Jesus - I'll get you, my pretty.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 8:20 AM

Monday, January 24, 2005

As you all know by now, Johnny Carson died this weekend. I suppose I am getting old b/c when I mentioned this in the EQII zone I was in last night someone actually responded with, "Really? Who is he?" I bet if I'd of said "Ashlee Simpson just died" they would've known who I was talking about. -sigh- Such is the world we live in - we'll never understand the generations that follow us. I'm sad to see him go - we have definitely lost a legend.

Before I heard about Carson's death, my best friend called from his parents' home. This in itself was odd, so I knew something must be up. Nodnarb and I have been best friends for 20-something years. We went to Kindergarten together and graduated high school together - we worked our main high school job together, took Driver's Ed together, and were each other's dates for both Junior and Senior homecoming dances and proms. In a few short days, all by chance, he is going to be my neighbor. Our lives always, invariably, end up intertwining. So when I saw he was calling from his hometown I knew it had to be some interesting gossip or tidbit about someone we once knew in our younger years. Sadly, he told me that he'd just found a newspaper clipping on the fridge that told of the death of one of our classmates; one that had graduated with us and had been with us, before that, since 2nd grade. He died in a large car accident in another state - having moved and started a family there a few years ago.

I've often commented how lucky we were that no one in our graduating class of 65 had died. I know that isn't the norm - everyone I know has someone they graduated with that didn't make it very far into their adult years. It's sad to think that he died the year we would've been having our 10 year reunion. The whole thing is sad - he'd been married around five years and had a 6 mos. old son; when he died he was delivering Bibles and Christian publications. He was, as I remember him, completely sweet and very funny - a genuinely all-around good guy. As the article I found on his death said he hadn't changed much in the past ten years. One person commented that he was like "a ray of sunshine" when he walked in the room, that he made everyone smile.

It's a strange thing when someone your age dies; especially when you once knew that person. It makes you wake up and remember that Death is never that far from any of us - that any day it could come. It makes me more appreciative of the time I have with those still here - more conscious of enjoying every minute that I've got left.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 12:04 PM

Baret says I am obsessed with Ashlee Simpson - just because I made a page on my site to express my disdain for the talentless wonder. I'm not, really, I just find it overwhelmingly amusing. Yes, I know, I should get out more.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 11:51 AM

Friday, January 21, 2005

Why it is a bad idea to stop by Wherehouse Music after dinner & wine to "grab two CDs"...

I really only planned to grab Def Leppard's Euphoria & of which I'd owned & lost and the other I'd not bought yet and had been planning to because that's my guys. If they made a CD singing Christmas carols in Icelandic, I'd buy it - I will forever support my teenage heartthrobs.

But Wherehouse Music has DVDs, and I decided I'd also grab Saved!; my favorite movie of last year and one I *must* own. Then Baret saw The Neverending Story & The Big Lebowski, and we picked those up as well. We stumbled across I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, a childhood "classic" (my siblings and I still quote things to each other from this movie) and when I saw The Rules of Attraction I *had* to grab it - that's another of those "must own" ones.

Thank Goddess we got out of there when we did! The guy behind the counter was quite impressed with our DVD purchases - he pointed out that "The Rules of Attraction" was "a really awesome movie" and that we also seemed to have nabbed "all the cult classics" (not quite, but I'm trying - one day my collection will be complete).

The point of this wine-induced post is...don't go shopping when you're drunk b/c you'll end up with way more than you initially went in to buy. And now you know...(and knowing is half the battle).

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 8:23 PM

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Olla, Louisiana is a small town in LaSalle Parish that was struck by devastating tornadoes this past November. Hundreds are now without homes and this small community is struggling to get back on its feet.

My friend who told me about the situation lives about 30 minutes away. He was appalled at the destruction he saw on a recent drive through Olla.

Even though Olla has lost almost a third of their residential housing, FEMA has denied any help to the town. From Olla's official website, these are the major points of consideration posed to FEMA:

1) Olla has lost approximately 33% of its residential housing. Over 192 properties have been leveled or damaged out of an inventory of 587 houses identified in the Olla 2000 Census. Of the 192 properties we have identified approximately 60 that are uninsured property owners ranging in family size from one to nine, with an average of three persons per family.

2) Economic impact: There is an extremely high probability that 45% of the affected households will decide to move out of the area permanently within three weeks. A majority of residents commute greater than 20 miles to work each day due to plant closings and job losses sustained less than 5 years ago. (The closing of production facilities at Louisiana Pacific and Holloway Sports Wear cost the combined communities of Olla-Urania-Tullos 424 jobs in a combined population area of 2400 residents.

3) Our 192 Tornado victim families do not have available local housing. The current inventory equals seven available properties for purchase or rent. These properties or structurally dated and require some work in all but two cases. There is minimal opportunity for housing within a 20 mile radius.

2000 Census indicates a Per Capita Income of $9,015.00 based on 1,410 residents. We have a high percentage of senior citizens, 25.1% over age of 55. We believe this number to be low.

On 11/23/04, two days before Thanksgiving, Olla suffered a tornado of F2 & F3 magnitude. FEMA HAS DENIED PA (Public Assistance) for the town to rebuild. FEMA is reviewing our needs for Individual Assistance (IA) to determine if a declaration will be recommend to the President.

On or about January 3, 2005, Olla was DENIED IA from FEMA.
As of 1/1/2005 the APPEAL lies on Governor Blanco’s Desk in Baton Rouge, LA.

As you can see, the situation is a sad one. How can you help? Go and sign the appeal/petition to FEMA. This will only take a few seconds and every signature counts! Please go and sign: Appeal for Denial of Assistance.

Pass this on if you can - we send aid all over the world when it is needed, but we must take care of our own as well.

Thank you.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 7:05 PM

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

People of Iberville Parish, for the love of all things holy and sacred, please, stop drinking the water!!!

I am convinced that the majority of Ibervillians are either insane or are completely lacking the sense god gave a goose; or a snail, for that matter.

To prove my point let me regale you with another "Hotline" letter from the now infamous Westside Shopper:

Remember Them...

I'd like to remind everyone that we've lost 25 Louisiana soldiers. While you people are sitting at home watching garbage like "Desperate Housewives", take a moment to think about them. Everything people say about Democrats is true - they are liberal and their Communist. Case in point: our esteemed governor, "Queen Bee" herself, is going to make a trip to Cuba to promote Louisiana goods and services. We don't need no trade with no Communist country. We don't need their Godless money. We can sell our stuff to the Mexicans. We need to impeach the goveernor because she is a closet Communist who wil probably fall for that Cuban lothario Castro and end up becoming the queen of Cuba.

People from Iberville parish, mainly Plaquemine, are a strange lot. They bitch about not having enough jobs, but go up in arms when things like airports or new plants offer to come into the area for fear of it encroaching on hunting land and bringing uncouth persons to the area. They believe people should be able to shoot whatever they want on whomever's property, and there is not a week that goes by that they don't complain about the barking dogs in some neighbor's yard (I'm imagining this is the "animals" they'd like to shoot "on other's land"). They think that Liberals and firecracker stands are the devil and anyone who isn't Christian should be hunted down during deer season. Now, apparently, they also believe that our governor is not only a Communist, but the soon-to-be Queen of Cuba. Amazing. I'm amazed - aren't you amazed?

My sister says, when she sends me this stuff, "be merciless" - but do I really have to? With such blaring stupidity what more can I say? These people mock themselves just by opening their mouths.

Don't tax us again...

A couple of weeks ago I read a column in the Post/South talking about cuts to the Veterans Adminisration. Well, the writer of this column is probably using this as an excuse to speak out against the war. These people are fighting to protect our freedom, and they're volunteering to do it. Nobody told them to. I appreciate what they're doing, but it's not like we have a draft anymore. If people listen to folks like Mr. Dupont saying we should raise taxes to give more money to the Veterans Administration, then the same people are going to be saying we need to raise taxes for something else. I think the writer of that column is just another 'tax and spend' liberal who wants to punish the wealthy. The government needs to treat the Veterans Administration the same way as a business - run it efficiently, and then there won't be the cries for more money.

Heaven forbid the wealthy use their money to help others - much less others that fought and died so that you could spend that money as you so chose. I fail to see how being liberal has anything to do with the belief that we should support our vets.

First off, Miss Know It All, did you know that most of the Louisiana boys we've lost to the war were National Guard? Don't tell me they volunteered with the idea that they may be sent off to war someday. No, we don't have a draft "anymore" but a lot of the vets you're claiming we shouldn't help were drafted - my grandfather, for one. They didn't choose to get sent to war - but they went, they fought, some were wounded and some never came home. If we don't take care of our vets, above everyone and everything else other than our children, then what kind of a country are we? If it weren't for them we wouldn't have the freedoms we take for granted; such as the one that allows you to stand up and bash the true heroes of our country. You appreciate what they do, do you? Has anyone in your family ever gone to war? Do you know anyone personally that is fighting in this war now? My guess is no, otherwise you might not be so quick to throw out such ignorant judgements.

Aren't you jealous, dear readers, that you don't live in such an interesting state? And won't you be all the more jealous when we join forces with Cuba and are more powerful than any of you? From there we'll spread out like a disease, starting firecracker stands in the other 49 states, destroying airports and factories and spreading the hunting land, we'll lock all non-Christians in closets and free the priests from the camps. Soon we will wipe out all those that don't believe as we do - all of the Satanic, firecracker popping, Communist Liberals who don't own guns. Be afraid - be very afraid.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 1:33 AM

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Yet another greedy moron that makes me ashamed to be a fellow bipedal, cognitive mammal:

NBC's 'Fear Factor' Sued for Rat-Eating Episode

Watching contestants eat dead rats on NBC's gross-out stunt show "Fear Factor" so disgusted a Cleveland man that he has sued NBC for $2.5 million, saying he could not stomach what he saw.

In a handwritten four-page lawsuit filed in federal court in Cleveland on Tuesday, paralegal Austin Aitken said, "To have the individuals on the show eat (yes) and drink dead rats was crazy and from a viewer's point of view made me throw-up as well an another in the house at the same time."

His suit added, "NBC is sending the wrong message to its TV watchers that cash can make or have people do just about anything beyond reasoning (sic) and in most cases against their will."

He said the show caused his blood pressure to rise so high that he became dizzy and light-headed, and when he ran away to his room, he bumped his head into the doorway.

In a brief telephone interview with Reuters, Aitken said, "I am not at liberty to discuss the complaint unless it is a paid-interview situation."

A spokesman for "Fear Factor" said the show would have no comment until it sees a copy of the complaint. The spokesman said the program did feature an rat-eating scene in New York's Times Square on Nov. 8.

Over the years, contestants on the program have eaten some weird things, including ground-up spiders and live worms.

Really...sometimes they make it so easy for me.

Asshat-Aitken says he feels that shows like "Fear Factor" are sending a wrong message by saying that people will do anything for a few bucks. An interesting insight considering Mr. Asshat is bringing a lawsuit against a T.V. show for making him ill and refusing to do interviews about said suit unless there are dollar-signs attached.

Pray tell, exactly what is this 2.5 million dollars covering? How did you arrive at this amount? Just because you have a weak stomach, puked on your grandma's rug, then bumped your head on the doorway as you ran from your horrible, evil, wicked T.V.? For this, the show you were watching owes you millions of dollars. Oh yes, it all makes sense to me now. Why didn't I see it before??

You were running away from your T.V. set. Ever heard of a remote? It comes with a number of features that could've ended your terrors, and much more efficiently. There's the next channel button, the previous channel button, and even an off button. Imagine the possibilities.

Why stop at "Fear Factor"? Why not sue the network that allowed this show to air - to even exist, for that matter? Why not sue the people on the show who ate the rats for money and made you toss your cookies? While we're at it, let's sue everyone that watches the show; because of them this kind of crap continues to play on the air. Hell, why not sue your mother for giving birth to you in the first place & causing you to be alive and watching TV the day some morons on "Fear Factor" ate rats; that bitch.

Shit, why don't you sue me? Because in all honestly the mental picture of you, in a state of utter horror, running from your T.V. and smack-dab into the doorway of your room caused me to laugh so hard I fell out of my chair. On second thought, I could sue you...

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 4:26 PM

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

I'm sick and therefore behind on the next big bitch about stupid and/or talentless people, so until I can return I urge you to go and sign this:

The Stop Ashlee Simpson Petition.

Do something for your fellow man, creativity and true Art. Do it for me. Do it just because, admit it, it's freakin' funny. Or maybe because, as one of my favorite petition-signers so eloquently said:

As a dear friend stated, I've heard cats f*c# with more harmony...


And for those of that think Ashlee is "talented" because she writes her own songs, let me leave you with the first four lines of her hit "La La":

You can dress me up in diamonds
You can dress me up in dirt
You can throw me like a line-man
I like it better when it hurts

You can throw me like a line-man?

But, wait, there are other songs on the album.

From "Better Off":
The sky is falling
And it's early in the morning
But it's ok somehow
I spilt my coffee, it went
All over your clothes
I gotta wear mine now

Ashlee, give it up.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 3:48 PM

Monday, January 10, 2005

Ashlee Simpson Proves Yet Again: I SUCK

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've likely heard the news about Ashlee being booed during her half-time performance at the Orange Bowl last weekend. If you haven't, do a search as I've read it's one of the most popular search items at the moment. Everyone loves to see a falling star, apparently.

A few people jump to the poor girl's defense by saying, "Well she has an 'okay' voice" or "She can sing, not as good as her sister, but she can sing". More than half of the waking world has an "okay" voice and "can sing" - this does not a pop star make, my friends.
OMG!  I suck!
OMG! I can't sing!!

So what does make a pop star? Apparently these days the only "star quality" you must possess is the relation to an already-made star. The marketing geniuses that try to trap us into loving each fresh-face they spew out (nearly a new one every week) never cease to amaze me. Yes, let's take Jessica's little sister - she's got an okay voice - and make her "the next, big thing". Let's forget for a moment, that Jessica herself's main claim to fame is a reality TV show without which she'd be nothing more than another Britney Spears-clone faded into obscurity. So they give us Ashlee, with her "punk" black hair and slightly-more-hardcore lyrics - the "Avril Lavigne" to Jessica's "Britney Spears". Nice try, media "geniuses" but I have a hard time taking someone who has a song called "La La" seriously. Ashlee, please take your acid reflux-voice, your bad dye job and the "cutsey" massacring of your name and go back to whatever hole you crawled out of. My pinky toenail has more star quality and talent than you on a good day.

And speaking of the talentless Simpson sisters, I've heard from numerous reliable sources that Jessica has been a bona fide snotty bitch to the locals while they're filming "The Dukes of Hazard" down here in 'ole Louisiana. Not only has she snubbed at her nose at folks when they run into her in public places (the LSU bars, for one), Mrs. My-Shit-Doesn't-Stink requested that her trailer be "covered" so "all these hicks won't be staring at me". "All these hicks" being the grade-school children in the school that owned the football field that was being used for filming. "All these hicks?", Jessica? Mighty fine insults you're throwing around there, considering you yourself are from Texas - not so far away last time I checked.

Before her hit reality show, I bet you 98% of the people you asked couldn't name for you one Jessica Simpson song (honestly, I still couldn't). Most people probably didn't even know who she was. I'm not sure why she thinks she's any better than the rest of us - she's a talentless bitch who married a has-been and got famous for pretending to be dumb. Brilliant; I hope her parents are proud. Her bogus stardom spawned the even-less-talented pop-disaster we've come to know as her younger sister. Hopefully MTV will wise up, cancel their shows and they can all fade into the insignificance they so richly deserve and never should've left.

What does it take to become famous today? Obviously, not much. Gone are the days of true legends and genuine stars; we'll never see another Frank Sinatra, Billie Holiday, Audrey Hepburn, or even Elvis - not when society churns out "stars" like tissue paper to be used and abused by the public then thrown away. You don't have to have talent (technology today can make any schmuck sound golden-throated) and you only need to be passing-ly attractive (Christina Aguilera proved this and then there's always the miracle of make-up and gay make-up artists to fill in the gaps). Then the media shoves this "new, big thing" down your throat - plastering their face all over the Internet and TV, giving them their own show on MTV, playing their songs into the ground on local radio; next thing you know you can't turn on the TV or radio or pick up a magazine without hearing all about "The Star of the Moment". When people start to lost interest, it's on to the next teen without pimples who can croak out "Mary Had a Little Lamb" or once had a spot on Kids, Inc. I've had it up to here with pop stars and boy bands and punk grrls and all the other bilge passing itself off as "talent" thrown at us today. The record companies wonder why CD sales are down - it isn't p2p file sharing, it's the fact that they no longer make music anyone over 12 with a brain would want to listen to.

So, any guesses as to how soon before Jamie Lynn Spears has her own show and is guest-starring on SNL? Someone's got to replace the tragedy that was Ashlee Simpson - and she already has the famous-sister factor going for her.

As for me, I think I'll sit back here and enjoy some good 'ole Dan Fogelberg. You know, real music by an actual talented person *gasp*. Just remember, there are some people out there that still write and perform their own music - these are the true artists. Support them and fuck the pretenders.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 8:56 AM

Thursday, January 06, 2005

And the word for the day is: Stupidity

I have spoken before of the Westside Shopper:

A small city known as Plaquemine, Louisiana has a little newspaper that is distributed to towns and villages in Iberville parish. There is a small section for the local folk to post their opinions and thoughts called "Hotline"...

This was the gem that, two years in a row, produced editorials from people convinced that Halloween was a one-way ticket to hell. Recently my sister emailed me with a few choice editorials that beg for a good dose of Shanna's best bitchin'. If you learn nothing else from what you are about to read, dear friends, know this - I am surrounded by these kinds of people on a daily basis.

Yes, Someone Really Wrote This #1
I notice the fireworks stands are coming up again, and I have to say I have a problem with this. I think there is a distinct correlation between playing fireworks and tobacco and smoking. Get these kids around a lighter or matches, and the next thing they want to do is smoke, and I'm not talking about just cigarettes.

Shanna Responds:
I just never thought someone would have the courage to actually come out with this. Finally - I no longer have to hide in shame because now I know there are others out there who became addicted to something by doing something else that was totally unrelated. Who would've known that buying that coconut sno-cone one hot July day would later lead to my addiction with a different kind of snow; the one that goes up your nose rather than down your throat. I am not alone. There are others that will blame their problems on anything other than themselves! Please. Firecrackers are the true gateway for dopers and sno-cones are only the beginning of an addiction to cocaine. Now that the truth is out - something must be done!

Yes, People Are REALLY This Stupid #2
I see Plaquemine has a retiring councilman who wants to protect religion and the right to practice. It's about time, because I've seen on TV where liberal police would lock doors and not allow people to go into their churches to practice their faith, try to lock buildings to stop Christians from going into church even trying to ban Christmas. They're even trying to round up preachers and put them into a big camp simply for preaching the word of God. As Christians, we must stop this insanity against Christianity . Look what they tried to do during the Presidential election. Christians weren't even allowed to vote, much less influence the election. It's time for Christians to take America back as their own nation!

Shanna Responds:
I think this person needs to lay off the firecrackers. Exactly what TV programs are you watching? Might you be mistaking fictional television shows for actual news? Liberal police locking people out of their churches?! Rounding up preachers and putting them "in a big camp"??! A big camp???

Christians weren't allowed to vote! Omg! I didn't know about this - did you know about this? If Christians weren't allowed to vote then I want a freakin' recount because there's NO WAY Bush could've won.

You should come and join us in Reality sometime, it might not be as interesting a place as the one in your head where you reside, but it can be quite beneficial for daily living.

I Couldn't Make This Shit Up If I Tried #3
I was calling to agree with the caller last week about how liberals are out to destroy Christianity. The plain truth is that until we abolish this non-sensical "serparation of church and state" baloney from our Constitution, we're always going to have liberals wanting to rally for Satan and keep mention of God completely out of our society. This is a Christian nation, plain and simple. Nothing else. If they could do away with that "church and state" issue, maybe we could lock up all the non-believers and throw away the key.

Shanna Responds:
That's right; let's ban that silly "separation of church & state" so that Christianity can be pushed on everyone regardless of their true beliefs. That's what America's all about, right? This is a Christian nation, eh? And you're saying that regardless of the fact that, well, it isn't?

From Americans United:
...The U.S. Constitution is a wholly secular document. It contains no mention of Christianity or Jesus Christ. In fact, the Constitution refers to religion only twice in the First Amendment, which bars laws "respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," and in Article VI, which prohibits "religious tests" for public office. Both of these provisions are evidence that the country was not founded as officially Christian.

The Founding Fathers did not create a secular government because they disliked religion. Many were believers themselves. Yet they were well aware of the dangers of church-state union. They had studied and even seen first-hand the difficulties that church-state partnerships spawned in Europe. During the American colonial period, alliances between religion and government produced oppression and tyranny on our own shores.

Really, though, let's forget the facts and the intentions of our founding fathers and live as all bigoted, self-righteous Christians believe we should: forcing everyone to become a follower of their Christ or "lock them up and throw away the key". Do or die. I mean, that's the Christian thing to do, right? Jesus didn't really mean it when he said "Love thy enemies." He was just joking. That silly Jesus.

But what do I know? I'm just another Satanic Liberal who locked up Christians so they couldn't vote and forced young kids to pop firecrackers.

The Stupidity Only Gets Worse From Here #4
Apparently there is some talk being thrown around about an airport going up in or around Plaquemine. I can't imagine why as I can never see a big need for people to fly to Plaquemine, nor is there anything big, exciting or non-hick for miles and miles around it. This pointless airport has some residents in a huff; mainly those that like to kill innocent animals and hang their lifeless corpses on their walls for ornamentation. An airport, you see, would take up land - land that could be used for killing innocent animals and decorating the home. Let's forget for a moment that most of Plaquemine is woods and fields and, therefore, land and that an airport isn't going to encroach on killing grounds that freakin' much. But since we've already established that this area is also populated with fucking idiots, let's proceed.

I'm hearing all this talk about how some of the landowners will sell and even donate land for the airport. I hope they realize the only people they'll benefit is a whole bunch of outsiders who will infest our community, while we're stuck with no jobs and no hunting land. This is a crime.

Shanna Responds:
No hunting land?! What is this world coming to? Heaven forbid there be no more hunting land. I would so much rather people walking around and shooting guns on my land than an airport!

I think the people in Plaquemine should be a little less worried about "an influx of outsiders who will infest our community" and a little more concerned with the complete fucking morons that are already there.

This is to all the people who were once fighting against the airport who now seem to be giving up. What's with you people? Don't you realize that the area is going to be infested with outsiders and dopeheads. Maybe a few people from other towns will get jobs, but we'll see a lot of outsiders, more crime and more drugs. We'll probably also see a rise in auto theft. All because Louisiana has to give up some land to a bunch of foreigners.

Shanna Responds:
Apparently not only hunters are upset about the airport, but concerned citizens who know that airports always bring an influx of dopers, foreigners and car thieves. Let's not forget Satanic Liberals and Firecracker Stand Owners. Oh filthy, vile airports.

My Head Hurts From All This Stupid Stupidity #5

In the name of American freedom, I think it's high time the government and their so-called freedom start to ease up a bit on some things. What I'm really talking about is the right to hunt where you want. Everywhere I go, I see the "No Trespassing" signs. Even worse, I can't hunt in my backyards. Sure, there are some residents around me, but if I see a dear, rabbit or squirrel run by, why can't I kill it? It's not fair. It' just government's way of keeping its foot on the neck of Americans. As long as these wacko liberals are sticking their nose in our business, I guess it won't change.

Shanna Responds:
There go those damn liberals again. Stopping people from whipping out guns and shooting at everything that runs by. I mean, how dare those liberals and even our own Government allow people to stop strangers from going onto their land and shooting animals on it. The nerve! "No Trespassing" signs should be banned! If I want to stop on someone's land and shoot, burn it, spit on it, piss on it that's my damn right as an American! Damnit!

I Saved the Best Stupidity for Last #6
I have mentioned before that LSU Tiger fans are a zany lot - over-zealous to the extreme; even to the point of obsession and creepiness at times. Other times, they're just stupid.

I wanted to call and complain about how the state had the nerve to let Nick Saban leave. We could've taken the money we give to the Saints and give it to him to keep him in Louisiana. We could've paid a tax. Anything. I think the state legislature could've had an emergency session to give him whatever he needed. Some people don't think this is such an important issue, but the fact is that he instilled pride to Louisiana, and we failed to reward him properly. Anyone in his right mind knows that, and would agree that we should've done anything we could to keep him. The state has blown it again.

Shanna Responds:
Really? Do I even have to try and poke fun at this? Give Saban the Saints' money? Oh yes that is brilliant; I'm sure The Saints will go for that. Pay a tax? Pay a fucking tax?? Did you just say that? Look, I'm glad we won the Sugar Bowl and everything but I sure as hell am not paying a fucking tax to line the coffers of LSU's head coach just so he'll stick around and continue to coach at LSU. If it means so much to you why not donate your entire salary to him? Every penny you make every day can go into Nick Saban's pockets so he'll stay in Louisiana. You want him that bad, you can foot the bill.

But this is my favorite: State Legislature should've called a Special decide how to make Nick Saban stay.'s ...too ...much. I can't...stop...laughing.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 1:53 PM

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Original content b/c I love you all so much (and b/c it's bogus to have two quiz posts on one day - forgive me):

Another installment of Shanna's Silly Spam Titles. Enjoy the latest:

Snuggle up with Elvis Tonight
I don't jive with that necrophilia stuff.

I had a Orgy with two girls last night
Darling, that's called a menage a trois, not an orgy.

Innocent wemon double anal
Doesn't sound like a very "innocent" wemon to me.

RE: Young Whreos nice pussy
Those mean pussies always turn me off, too.

Young sluts getting creamy facials for $1.95
Wow, that's a great deal on facials! Do they offer this at Lockworks?

Rachel Leigh Cook already has a rolex! Need one?
You bet your bottom dollar. If Rachel Leigh Cook has one it's only a matter of time before it's all the rage; she being such trendsetter and all.

She Gives Great Handjobs!
A blowjob is extra, but she's not quite as good at those.

Fw: Loevly Wohre lvoe to eat out internal creampies
Internal creampies? No, honey, that isn't my dick, it's an external cream-injector.

Wet Bitch Enjoying Big Dick
Or "Dogs in Heat"

RE: Cute Slut Creampie
I used to have the recipe for this.

Remove your debt the Christian way
Just pray - it'll go away.

Reply: Horny Wrheos stuffing panties in pussy
Well what the hell else would they be stuffing in there?

She Likes It In Both Holes!
Consequently she has the cleanest nostrils this side of Texas.

Reply: Amateur 30 to 40 girls Cheating on spouse
What's this guy doing married to 30-40 women anyway?

Roses are red, violets are blue - Now how about $10,000 - just for you?
Roses can be pink and violets too - now just how gullible do I look to you?

Christian? Single? We have the solution.
Become a Satanist - they get all the dates.

Re: Unkown wrhoe Paid twenty bucks
Why would I want to watch some woman getting handed a $20?

RE: Stupid Psortitute spreading pussy lips
And venereal disease.

Can we do this together?
No way. Then you'll expect me to hold your hand through everything.

My wife screamed in ecstasy when she made love to my big penis
What is it? Detachable?

do you hate physical pain
Oh no, I'm a big fan, really.

Vico-din is yummy!
Ok, you know that's not candy, right?

eggplant toothpicks inside
I've been looking for some of those forever! Though I do prefer the asparagus flavored ones.

Kirby asked me to call you
And boy is he gonna be pissed when he finds out you just sent an email.

barrel-organ was worth something!
Yeah, but then the stocks on it just dropped...

My Horny Wife!
Coming to a theatre near you.

RE: Petrty woman to date with you
She fuck long time. Sucky, sucky too if you like.

She Squirts!
Wtf is she? A Super Soaker?

my mother emailed you!
I told you not to give that bitch my address.

Re: I need to look for a real man
Looking in the wrong place here, sweetheart.

The Amish phonebook
I wasn't aware they even had phones.

Eddie said hi!
Tell Eddie to fuck off.

can you assist your daughter
Can I? Shouldn't I have one first?

RE: Real Bitch Sucking Big Cock
I want to read one that says something like 'True Intellectual Humming Shriveled Nuts'

Rolex is forever. Are you for it?
Don't you mean "diamonds"?

you are the hypochondriac-amigo
You caught me! And I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling spam emails.

Date me?
Now that's just pathetic.

can Theresa come over and watch?
I mean, yeah, if she's into "Ed, Edd & Eddie" she can watch it with us.

This is that email you wanted
It took you long enough and I had to wade through all these other junk emails just to get to it.

Me and you with no husband
So we're getting joint divorces? I'm no good at guessing these things.

Wanna see me get rammed?
Nah, I'm not into that car accident shit.

get bigger in ur pants
Buy our new big, bulky wallet for only $9.95!!

Two things are sure in life: There is a God, and you are not him.
You're right, I'm a "her".

the cracks of my
...favorite china?

Excellent Rx and Splendid Rx and Splendiferous Rx
Three different subject lines - I just can't choose.

Do you want to make it bigger?
Sure, this small thumb has bothered me for years.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 12:32 PM

Does this count as fresh, original content?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

No? Even though I found it myself and didn't borrow it from someone else's blog? Still no? Damn, you're a tough crowd.

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 12:31 PM

Since the holidays and the mind-blowing sex I had last night have momentarily eradicated my thinking power & rendered me incapable of coming up with my own original content, I have snagged this from Rose as well:

You Are a Hunter Soul

You are driven and ambitious - totally self motiviated to succeed
Actively working to acheive what you want, you are skillful in many areas.
You are a natural predator with strong instincts ... and more than a little demanding.
You are creative, energetic, and an extremely powerful force.

An outdoors person, you like animals and relate to them better than people.
You tend to have an explosive personality, but also a good sense of humor.
People sometimes see you as arrogant or a know it all.
You tend to be a bit of a loner, though you hate to be alone.

Souls you are most compatible with: Seeker Soul and Peacemaker Soul

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 4:44 AM

Sunday, January 02, 2005

(Nabbed from Rose b/c I thought it'd be a good first post for the new year.)

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Bought my own domain & web space, got a speeding ticket, got published.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions at New Year's but I give myself goals throughout the year. I usually reach them and will always continue to make them for myself.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A young woman whom I used to babysit and who is like a younger sister to me. Her husband left for Iraq soon after.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My beta fish.

5. What countries did you visit?

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
An unwrecked car, a closer relationship with my sister, more physical mobility.

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 8 - when I had my surgery.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting published & getting off crutches.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not completely healing after surgery.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I think recovering from major surgery counts.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The Sims 2 and Everquest II.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Rob Brezsny, he does and always has, stood for everything that is beautiful and Truth. I admire him in so many ways.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed disgusted?
My own country's when it voted that monkey-faced fool back into the presidency.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Phone bill, Ebay.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Sims 2 (yeah, I'm a geek like that)

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
"Overnight Celebrity" by Twista (don't ask)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier? Yes. Everything is better than it was a year ago.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sex. Spent time outdoors.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressing and worrying about things which I have no control over - letting my job get to me more than it should.

20. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
Home getting smashed and watching "The Family Guy" & "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" DVDs

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Every day I fall more in love with my Twin Soul/Flame.

22. How many one-night stands?

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Law & Order and Charmed.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes, but I'm not naming names.

25. What was the best book you read?
"Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson, Guilty Pleasures" by Laurell K. Hamilton & "Angels & Demons" by Dan Brown (they were each really, really good - I finished them all in 1-2 days!)

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Westside Chemical

27. What did you want and get?
Pretty much everything I wanted - I move heaven & earth to get what I want when a desire pops into my head.

28. What did you want and not get?
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 27 - I spent the day with my other half, and I think I had a party that evening with all of my friends. Please, that was over a month ago you can't possibly expect me to remember that! I couldn't tell you what I did last weekend much less over a month ago - birthday or not.

31.What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying? A law banning talking on cell phones and driving.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? My sister's hand-me-ups - which is the only "fashionable" clothes I own. She's the fashion maven; I'm the whatever-is-comfortable-and-looks-passable type.

33. What kept you sane?
My computer - my escape; I can listen to music, write, design, surf, chat with new people, or play games. It's the perfect escape and distraction from the stresses of life.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jude Law & Johnny Depp equally.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The right for gays to be married.

36. Who did you miss?

37. Who was the best new person you met?


38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
Expectations are the devil.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"

- shanna bared her soul & griped a bit @ 4:27 AM

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