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Thursday, January 06, 2005
And the word for the day is: Stupidity
I have spoken before of the Westside Shopper:
A small city known as Plaquemine, Louisiana has a little newspaper that is distributed to towns and villages in Iberville parish. There is a small section for the local folk to post their opinions and thoughts called "Hotline"...
This was the gem that, two years in a row, produced editorials from people convinced that Halloween was a one-way ticket to hell. Recently my sister emailed me with a few choice editorials that beg for a good dose of Shanna's best bitchin'. If you learn nothing else from what you are about to read, dear friends, know this - I am surrounded by these kinds of people on a daily basis.
Yes, Someone Really Wrote This #1
TIME TO BAN THEM...
I notice the fireworks stands are coming up again, and I have to say I have a problem with this. I think there is a distinct correlation between playing fireworks and tobacco and smoking. Get these kids around a lighter or matches, and the next thing they want to do is smoke, and I'm not talking about just cigarettes.
I just never thought someone would have the courage to actually come out with this. Finally - I no longer have to hide in shame because now I know there are others out there who became addicted to something by doing something else that was totally unrelated. Who would've known that buying that coconut sno-cone one hot July day would later lead to my addiction with a different kind of snow; the one that goes up your nose rather than down your throat. I am not alone. There are others that will blame their problems on anything other than themselves! Please. Firecrackers are the true gateway for dopers and sno-cones are only the beginning of an addiction to cocaine. Now that the truth is out - something must be done!
Yes, People Are REALLY This Stupid #2
GIVE US OUR NATION BACK!
I see Plaquemine has a retiring councilman who wants to protect religion and the right to practice. It's about time, because I've seen on TV where liberal police would lock doors and not allow people to go into their churches to practice their faith, try to lock buildings to stop Christians from going into church even trying to ban Christmas. They're even trying to round up preachers and put them into a big camp simply for preaching the word of God. As Christians, we must stop this insanity against Christianity . Look what they tried to do during the Presidential election. Christians weren't even allowed to vote, much less influence the election. It's time for Christians to take America back as their own nation!
I think this person needs to lay off the firecrackers. Exactly what TV programs are you watching? Might you be mistaking fictional television shows for actual news? Liberal police locking people out of their churches?! Rounding up preachers and putting them "in a big camp"??! A big camp???
Christians weren't allowed to vote! Omg! I didn't know about this - did you know about this? If Christians weren't allowed to vote then I want a freakin' recount because there's NO WAY Bush could've won.
You should come and join us in Reality sometime, it might not be as interesting a place as the one in your head where you reside, but it can be quite beneficial for daily living.
I Couldn't Make This Shit Up If I Tried #3
LOCK THEM UP!
I was calling to agree with the caller last week about how liberals are out to destroy Christianity. The plain truth is that until we abolish this non-sensical "serparation of church and state" baloney from our Constitution, we're always going to have liberals wanting to rally for Satan and keep mention of God completely out of our society. This is a Christian nation, plain and simple. Nothing else. If they could do away with that "church and state" issue, maybe we could lock up all the non-believers and throw away the key.
That's right; let's ban that silly "separation of church & state" so that Christianity can be pushed on everyone regardless of their true beliefs. That's what America's all about, right? This is a Christian nation, eh? And you're saying that regardless of the fact that, well, it isn't?
From Americans United:
...The U.S. Constitution is a wholly secular document. It contains no mention of Christianity or Jesus Christ. In fact, the Constitution refers to religion only twice in the First Amendment, which bars laws "respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," and in Article VI, which prohibits "religious tests" for public office. Both of these provisions are evidence that the country was not founded as officially Christian.
The Founding Fathers did not create a secular government because they disliked religion. Many were believers themselves. Yet they were well aware of the dangers of church-state union. They had studied and even seen first-hand the difficulties that church-state partnerships spawned in Europe. During the American colonial period, alliances between religion and government produced oppression and tyranny on our own shores.
Really, though, let's forget the facts and the intentions of our founding fathers and live as all bigoted, self-righteous Christians believe we should: forcing everyone to become a follower of their Christ or "lock them up and throw away the key". Do or die. I mean, that's the Christian thing to do, right? Jesus didn't really mean it when he said "Love thy enemies." He was just joking. That silly Jesus.
But what do I know? I'm just another Satanic Liberal who locked up Christians so they couldn't vote and forced young kids to pop firecrackers.
The Stupidity Only Gets Worse From Here #4
Apparently there is some talk being thrown around about an airport going up in or around Plaquemine. I can't imagine why as I can never see a big need for people to fly to Plaquemine, nor is there anything big, exciting or non-hick for miles and miles around it. This pointless airport has some residents in a huff; mainly those that like to kill innocent animals and hang their lifeless corpses on their walls for ornamentation. An airport, you see, would take up land - land that could be used for killing innocent animals and decorating the home. Let's forget for a moment that most of Plaquemine is woods and fields and, therefore, land and that an airport isn't going to encroach on killing grounds that freakin' much. But since we've already established that this area is also populated with fucking idiots, let's proceed.
IT WON'T HELP US!
I'm hearing all this talk about how some of the landowners will sell and even donate land for the airport. I hope they realize the only people they'll benefit is a whole bunch of outsiders who will infest our community, while we're stuck with no jobs and no hunting land. This is a crime.
No hunting land?! What is this world coming to? Heaven forbid there be no more hunting land. I would so much rather people walking around and shooting guns on my land than an airport!
I think the people in Plaquemine should be a little less worried about "an influx of outsiders who will infest our community" and a little more concerned with the complete fucking morons that are already there.
WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?
This is to all the people who were once fighting against the airport who now seem to be giving up. What's with you people? Don't you realize that the area is going to be infested with outsiders and dopeheads. Maybe a few people from other towns will get jobs, but we'll see a lot of outsiders, more crime and more drugs. We'll probably also see a rise in auto theft. All because Louisiana has to give up some land to a bunch of foreigners.
Apparently not only hunters are upset about the airport, but concerned citizens who know that airports always bring an influx of dopers, foreigners and car thieves. Let's not forget Satanic Liberals and Firecracker Stand Owners. Oh filthy, vile airports.
My Head Hurts From All This Stupid Stupidity #5
LET US HUNT WHERE WE WANT!
In the name of American freedom, I think it's high time the government and their so-called freedom start to ease up a bit on some things. What I'm really talking about is the right to hunt where you want. Everywhere I go, I see the "No Trespassing" signs. Even worse, I can't hunt in my backyards. Sure, there are some residents around me, but if I see a dear, rabbit or squirrel run by, why can't I kill it? It's not fair. It' just government's way of keeping its foot on the neck of Americans. As long as these wacko liberals are sticking their nose in our business, I guess it won't change.
There go those damn liberals again. Stopping people from whipping out guns and shooting at everything that runs by. I mean, how dare those liberals and even our own Government allow people to stop strangers from going onto their land and shooting animals on it. The nerve! "No Trespassing" signs should be banned! If I want to stop on someone's land and shoot, burn it, spit on it, piss on it that's my damn right as an American! Damnit!
I Saved the Best Stupidity for Last #6
I have mentioned before that LSU Tiger fans are a zany lot - over-zealous to the extreme; even to the point of obsession and creepiness at times. Other times, they're just stupid.
A BIG MISTAKE...
I wanted to call and complain about how the state had the nerve to let Nick Saban leave. We could've taken the money we give to the Saints and give it to him to keep him in Louisiana. We could've paid a tax. Anything. I think the state legislature could've had an emergency session to give him whatever he needed. Some people don't think this is such an important issue, but the fact is that he instilled pride to Louisiana, and we failed to reward him properly. Anyone in his right mind knows that, and would agree that we should've done anything we could to keep him. The state has blown it again.
Really? Do I even have to try and poke fun at this? Give Saban the Saints' money? Oh yes that is brilliant; I'm sure The Saints will go for that. Pay a tax? Pay a fucking tax?? Did you just say that? Look, I'm glad we won the Sugar Bowl and everything but I sure as hell am not paying a fucking tax to line the coffers of LSU's head coach just so he'll stick around and continue to coach at LSU. If it means so much to you why not donate your entire salary to him? Every penny you make every day can go into Nick Saban's pockets so he'll stay in Louisiana. You want him that bad, you can foot the bill.
But this is my favorite: State Legislature should've called a Special Session....to decide how to make Nick Saban stay. Oh..god...it's ...too ...much. I can't...stop...laughing.