Strange as it may seem, this life is based on a true story." - Ashleigh Brilliant
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Monday, January 10, 2005
So what does make a pop star? Apparently these days the only "star quality" you must possess is the relation to an already-made star. The marketing geniuses that try to trap us into loving each fresh-face they spew out (nearly a new one every week) never cease to amaze me. Yes, let's take Jessica's little sister - she's got an okay voice - and make her "the next, big thing". Let's forget for a moment, that Jessica herself's main claim to fame is a reality TV show without which she'd be nothing more than another Britney Spears-clone faded into obscurity. So they give us Ashlee, with her "punk" black hair and slightly-more-hardcore lyrics - the "Avril Lavigne" to Jessica's "Britney Spears". Nice try, media "geniuses" but I have a hard time taking someone who has a song called "La La" seriously. Ashlee, please take your acid reflux-voice, your bad dye job and the "cutsey" massacring of your name and go back to whatever hole you crawled out of. My pinky toenail has more star quality and talent than you on a good day.
And speaking of the talentless Simpson sisters, I've heard from numerous reliable sources that Jessica has been a bona fide snotty bitch to the locals while they're filming "The Dukes of Hazard" down here in 'ole Louisiana. Not only has she snubbed at her nose at folks when they run into her in public places (the LSU bars, for one), Mrs. My-Shit-Doesn't-Stink requested that her trailer be "covered" so "all these hicks won't be staring at me". "All these hicks" being the grade-school children in the school that owned the football field that was being used for filming. "All these hicks?", Jessica? Mighty fine insults you're throwing around there, considering you yourself are from Texas - not so far away last time I checked.
Before her hit reality show, I bet you 98% of the people you asked couldn't name for you one Jessica Simpson song (honestly, I still couldn't). Most people probably didn't even know who she was. I'm not sure why she thinks she's any better than the rest of us - she's a talentless bitch who married a has-been and got famous for pretending to be dumb. Brilliant; I hope her parents are proud. Her bogus stardom spawned the even-less-talented pop-disaster we've come to know as her younger sister. Hopefully MTV will wise up, cancel their shows and they can all fade into the insignificance they so richly deserve and never should've left.
What does it take to become famous today? Obviously, not much. Gone are the days of true legends and genuine stars; we'll never see another Frank Sinatra, Billie Holiday, Audrey Hepburn, or even Elvis - not when society churns out "stars" like tissue paper to be used and abused by the public then thrown away. You don't have to have talent (technology today can make any schmuck sound golden-throated) and you only need to be passing-ly attractive (Christina Aguilera proved this and then there's always the miracle of make-up and gay make-up artists to fill in the gaps). Then the media shoves this "new, big thing" down your throat - plastering their face all over the Internet and TV, giving them their own show on MTV, playing their songs into the ground on local radio; next thing you know you can't turn on the TV or radio or pick up a magazine without hearing all about "The Star of the Moment". When people start to lost interest, it's on to the next teen without pimples who can croak out "Mary Had a Little Lamb" or once had a spot on Kids, Inc. I've had it up to here with pop stars and boy bands and punk grrls and all the other bilge passing itself off as "talent" thrown at us today. The record companies wonder why CD sales are down - it isn't p2p file sharing, it's the fact that they no longer make music anyone over 12 with a brain would want to listen to.
So, any guesses as to how soon before Jamie Lynn Spears has her own show and is guest-starring on SNL? Someone's got to replace the tragedy that was Ashlee Simpson - and she already has the famous-sister factor going for her.
As for me, I think I'll sit back here and enjoy some good 'ole Dan Fogelberg. You know, real music by an actual talented person *gasp*. Just remember, there are some people out there that still write and perform their own music - these are the true artists. Support them and fuck the pretenders.